Beware of Me
by DarkAsTheNightSky
Summary: Kagome has always stood in her sister (Kikyo)'s shadow. Kikyo will be Queen. She has half the kingdom after her hand in marriage. Kagome is left behind, unloved and hardly known. But when Kikyo takes hold of her one true love Kagome's grip on reality begins to slip. Will she drown in the whirlpool of insanity? Or will Inuyasha be able to pull her out? Rated T for violence and gore.
1. Chapter 1

**Beware of me**

**Chapter 1: Envious**

**A****/N: Hello! Ok, so first things first, when I started to write this I intended for it to be published. So, if it does get published (fingers crossed) and you see it in some bookshop, this fanfic is not a copyright! I am innocent! Anyway, please enjoy my story and I shall warn, it is very dark and I'm pretty certain you can expect a murder or two! ;) Another warning! All the characters in the story are going to be completely OOC! Do forgive me but I can still guarantee a good fic. And some characters I may not be able to fit, such as Kouga, etc. But I will do my best! **

Gently, I light a candle and stare onto the street below my bedroom window. The once grey cobblestones are now black and thick with sludge. Mess and misery lies in each corner and ragged children race after each other their bones protruding from their bodies. A drunken man stumbles down the street calling out for a person who doesn't exist. Racing through the crowd a scrawny little girl clutches a basket containing a tiny loaf of bread tightly to her chest. One lone woman stands at the corner of the square reaching her hands out imploringly to the passerby's.

"A penny for me sick son!" she cries over and over again her eyes flitting from face to face. "Have ye no compassion? Please! A penny for me sick son! I turn back to the room and pick a coin from my table. I head back to the window, aim, and throw. It is a perfect shot. The coin heads directly for the woman's head and bounces of her forehead. I laugh as she looks around confused before scrabbling around for the coin as a bruise blossoms beneath her hairline. I close the shutters and turn around to see my sister staring at me disapprovingly.

"Kagome, that was cruel and uncalled for," she scolds, our eyes meeting across the room.

I give another laugh to aggravate her further. "Kikyo, you know that she was delighted to receive a small coin for her pains."

Kikyo gives me another withering look. "Perhaps, but I doubt she was delighted to receive a lump on her head." I sigh in frustration and turn my back on her. Kikyo irks me, She always has. For she is been the perfect one, the goody-goody, the little angel. She has long, soft, brown hair and big chocolate eyes. Her skin is clear of any blemishes, is pearly white, and she is lucky enough to possess the plump arms and legs that are so favored by the people of the upper class. She barely shows much expression but the courtiers admire that and believe it a sign of strength. She is stunning.

I, on the other hand, regret to admit my plain appearance, hopelessly thin no matter how much I eat. I look similar to me sister but less hair lacks the shine that Kikyo's does. My eyes are smaller and such a pale blue that it's uncanny. My lips remain as my only endearing trait. They are as just as red as my sister's and, I like to think, just a little fuller. But apart from that it is no small wonder why I am not noticed in her vicinity. It almost feels as if she is the mold from which I was made from. I am the watered down version of her beauty.

I hate her. Nobody believes that you could hate a sibling but I do. I hate her so much it causes my heart to ache. She is so perfect and everyone adores her. Everything I do is compared to how Kikyo would do it. I am a constant disappointment. My sister laughs at everyone's jokes. She smiles at the right moments and has never cried to get her way. She's polite and does things properly. It is believed she speaks French better than those in Paris. Rumors say that even at twelve she has almost the entire kingdom after her hand. Everyone knows that she will be queen one day. I am not even worth thinking about. Very few bother to acknowledge my existence.

When I look at Kikyo I see the person the two of us vowed never to be. It's hard to believe we were ever friends. But, once we were. Once, we were inseparable and did everything together. We played the most fun games and it seemed that I was always laughing. Together, we played pranks on the members of the staff and snuck away to talk to serving boys.

Then, one day everything changed. Kikyo didn't want to pretend she was a peasant any more. She told me it was awful to trick the staff and that talking to serving boys was wrong. I was confused and carried on doing what I always did hoping Kikyo would see and come to join in. Eventually, I stopped having fun. It wasn't the same without Kikyo. It had seemed as if a proper princess had come and stolen away my best friend, leaving behind an empty shell, devoid of any laughter or fun. I have resented her from then on forward on letting that switch happen.

"Princess Kikyo! Kagome!" a shrill voice rings through the room.

"We're here." I laugh at me inferiority. Do I not also deserve to be called Princess? Kikyo jumps up and runs towards Kaede, a woman of large girth who serves as our nanny. She crouches down and envelopes Kikyo in a big, soft hug. As she straightens up, she gives me an absentminded pat on the head before turning back to my sister. She is our parent figure. Our real ones are far too busy with important business, like running the country to be really bothered with us. I used to wwish that she loved my more than my sister. But alas, I wished in vain.

"Oh, my darling princess have I got a surprise for you!" I return to the conversation at hand, curious despite myself.

"Oh, do tell me what it is." Kikyo sounds bored. Of course she gets surprises all the time, Why would this be any different?

"Oh, its new dresses for you, my lady," Kaede says, her eyes wide as she searches for Kikyo's approval. Kikyo does not say a word except to nod, indicating she is interested. Nanny, smiling with excitement places her heavy arm on Victoria's shoulders and leads her away. Unfortunately, curiosity wins over pride and I follow the two out.

We walk into a room of the palace I have never been in before. The palace is vast and many people have lived their whole lives never having explored every corner. This room, however, is filled to the ceiling with gorgeous, elegant gowns. There are dark blue ones with diamonds sewn in so that it looks like the night sky. Pale pink ones with delicate silk buds creeping up the skirt. At the side of the room is a pale green one that has forest green flowers dotted about sparingly at the top of the skirt and gradually grows more until there is a huge cloud of them around the hem. The most beautiful one is in the corner and Victoria notices it at the same time as I do and rushes forward as if to check if it's real.

It is made of delicate silk and is a deep rich purple. The hem and neckline are trimmed in white lace and the sleeves are long and stroke the floor. Kikyo immediately orders to be dressed in this new gown. It is the first time in years that I have seen her display joy. The minute the dress is on I realize that that dress is made for her. It is not the color but the style. A style that compliments her every curve. Being, Kikyo though, she assumes it is the purple and in under a minute every dressmaker in the kingdom has been ordered to make her a dress in that exact shade.

I let my eyes to linger over the fine gowns purposely designed for my sister allowing myself a glimpse of my future if I was allowed to wear a garment designed for my body. I sigh heavily and dismiss the thought from my mind.

"What will you do with the dresses you don't like?" I ask Kikyo, wishing for one myself.

"I'll just keep them in my wardrobe." she replies waving her hand carelessly. "I'm sure they'll come into use one day."

"If you do not wish for all of them, then perhaps might I have one?" I say, trying desperately not to voice my eagerness. My question is rewarded by a disapproving frown from Kaede.

"Kagome, you should not ask your dear sister to relinquish a precious gift just because you wish it yours," she chastens, her thick eyebrows drawn together.

"That is right Sister darling," Kikyo murmurs from where she is admiring her reflection. "I love you dearly but you can't honestly expect me to give you anything you ask for!"

"When have you ever given me anything?" I ask quietly. Unfortunately, Kikyo hears and tears herself away from the mirror.

"Why Kagome, just ask the dressmakers to craft you your own. You are royalty after all." She realizes what she has said and hastily carries on. "Of course, you cannot ask for one now. All the dressmakers are busy with my purple gowns. But later…"

That is how it always is. The minute I want something for myself Kikyo makes up some excuse and denies me the pleasure of what I want. I look up frustrated and see Kikyo looking at me, her face still but her eyes worried.

"You wouldn't hate me would you Irene?" There is a slight tremble at the corner of her mouth. "You love me don't you"

I want to be blunt with her. I want to shout out my anger to the world and let be known my hatred. But I can't.

Instead of replying I remain silent, my eyes facing hers. Kaede interferes once more and steps forward.

"How could you even hesitate to answer?" Her face is wobbling in disappointment and the image of it disgusts me. I lift my shoulders in an action of indifference and turn to leave but Kikyo stops me. She is no longer upset but furious. She rises to her full height and looks down at me, somehow managing to retain a composed face.

"I will make you like me!" She gives a small smile. "It is impossible not to. You will love me whether you want to or not. After all I am nearly Queen!" With those words her expression changes and returns to that of her usual bare one.

"I know that you want a dress dear and I will give you one of my older ones." She smiles gently at me and turns on her heel to leave. Kaede scurries after her, leaving me alone in the silent room. I suppose that was meant to be a kind gesture but I won't have any of her hand-me- down gowns. She is much larger than me already and the only dresses she will ever give me are ones that are so stretched or out of style she refuses to wear them anymore. And of course, all the dressmakers in the kingdom are focused on my lovely sister.

Years go by and as we grow older I hate her more and more. In three years I have never received anything new and only have objects that are unfashionable or those Kikyo no longer wants. A seamstress is always suspiciously occupied and busy with the future queen. So, I have painstakingly learnt to sew and have had to spend my evenings taking in my own dresses like a common maid. Once, long ago it seems now, I had a maid of my own. But she like, like almost all my belongings found her way into Kikyo's possession. The two of us are at marrying age and Kikyo has demande all the help in the palace to prepare for her coming out. I would tell her she could go to her first ball in a rumpled rag and young men would still simper over her, but then she would tell our parents and they would scold me and complain that I am turning into such a heartless young woman. Sometimes, I don't know how life goes on.

Tonight is the first ball of the courting season and the palace is crazy with activity. New gowns are being made and old ones are being redone in the latest fashion. All for Kikyo. As for me, I am given another outcast and have to use my horrible sewing skills to stop them from slipping off my body as I move. Most of the time, I sit by my window and watch all the hustle, listen to the cries of admiration as Kikyo tries on new dresses, and try not to yawn as my sister practices what she will say to the different eligible young gentlemen.

As I step into the ballroom I know instantly that I do not belong here. As I have grown older I have read more and become less social. This night is going to be all chatter. Kikyo, of course, is beautiful and I am looking as miserable as ever. Her new gown is an elegant purple with golden embroidery. Mine is white with a neckline that slips off my shoulders. I stand partially behind a large plant and try to remain unseen as I watch Kikyo flirt outrageously with different young men. I am completely ignored which is how I would have preferred it. I have absolutely no interest in marriage of any sort.

There is one suitor, Inuyasha, who Kikyo seems especially attracted to. He is curiously attractive with unusually pale hair and eyes that in some lights appear gold. He and Kikyo would make for an attractive pair. But there is something about Inuyasha that I don't trust. His actions aren't always as attentive to Kikyo as they could have been. His words are kind but occasionally seem to be a touch forced. A smile is forever on his lips but does not reach his eyes. The only time it is ever genuine is when he mentions that she would be Queen.

Sometimes, he will sit at her feet and whisper that although he is unworthy could he perhaps be her King? Kikyo will always laugh sweetly not realizing how serious he truly is. I think that may be why she seems to like him best. She finds humor in his bluntness and thinks his desperate hints at marriage sweet. I do not understand. When we were young she always told me that she wanted someone who loved her to be her husband. She said that she didn't want some fool that just fancied himself married to a Queen. But, it is so obvious that Inuyasha has utterly no feelings for her.

One night, I finally ask her what she thinks and the conversation that follows is so strange that I wonder now if it was a dream. I began, "Kikyo, why do you favor Inuyasha, when all that he loves is the promise of your crown?"

"Because Sister, he has a sweet heart in his core."

"A sweet heart buried beneath the filth of greed. He is fooling you sister."

Kikyo gives me a disapproving glance. "Don't be rude. He is a perfect gentleman to me and besides, I have many reasons for marrying him."

I simply look at her. She is obviously waiting for me to prompt her into giving me her reasons. I would hate to give her satisfaction but I find myself frustratingly curious once more. "What reasons?"

"Well, if he tries for my hand so openly it is obvious that he wants to be King, and if he wants it that badly then he must have good ideas. It helps that he is handsome. Every kingdom longs for the perfect King and Queen. They want their monarchs to be not just fair, but attractive."

I cannot believe this. My sister might just marry Inuyasha out of vanity! The only fool bigger than he is her, for being appealed to this incredibly logic. "Well, if a simple court jester can live a long and happy life you should be most content!" I snap and march out of the room leaving Victoria sitting behind me, her mouth in the subtlest of ohs .

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

Stage 1 in becoming King:

Kikyo is wonderfully gullible and is falling into my trap effortlessly. She seems to like me best out of the rest of her suitors. I of course have the advantage of charms and good looks. If only her sister, Kagome, would leave my plan alone!

She does not seem to like me, Kagome. Rightly so but she has no proof to hold against me. In fact, Kagome seems suspicious of everyone. She is a most interesting woman. Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if Kagome were heir to the throne. She is much more my type. Not as beautiful but definitely nowhere near as boring! When Kikyo talks each word slowly becomes a muddle in my mind. Pushing together until they are just a waterfall dripping out of Kikyo's mouth. It isn't even in full flow which is even more pathetic. Sometimes she looks at me sharply and asks if I am at all interested. I answer yes and that seems to satisfy her. Day after day she rambles on about the duties of a Queen until my head feels like it is about to cave in. Of course I know that she is to be Queen. Why else would I wish to marry her? For her wonderful wit and attention gripping thoughts? Not likely. If she weren't next in line for the throne I wouldn't bother even looking at her.

Anyway, nothing is in my way and I should be King shortly.

-Inuyasha

**A/N: Well, any thoughts? Please no flames on how out of character they all are! I promise that the chapters will get longer and that the writing will get better (I hope). I would just like to point out that this is not a cheerful lovey dovey fic. It will be very dark and some bits a little disturbing. Anyway please R and R! I will continue if you like it!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	2. Chapter 2: Deception

**Chapter 2: Deception**

**A/N: Aaaaaahhh! I am so embarrassed! Thank you Silvermist66 for pointing out all of my mistakes! I was really excited to get my story up and didn't edit quite as well as I could! I will be more thorough this time! But thank you for liking my story. I will try to update as frequently as possible.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I didn't own him in the last chapter either. I appeared to have forgotten my disclaimer. (Hopeless aren't I? ^.^'''')**

For the first time in ages, our parents actually want to see us! And they bring good news, at least for Kikyo. They announce that the prince of Eastern Lands is to come and visit us with the hopes of meeting Kikyo! Prince Kouga is already a distant cousin of ours, so an alliance with them is already unnecessary. An unusual turn of events for most marriages appear to hold some purpose in mind. But according to my parents he is a kind man and very good-looking. Kikyo seems intrigued by the thought of this mand and is eager to meet him. Even I must say he sounds rather interesting. He will arrive in the morning.

Prince Kouga arrived today. My parents were correct in their description, he is handsome, perfect one might say .Kouga is tall and proud with thick black hair and a smile that causes many to lose track of conversation. His blue eyes shine with unknown emotions and his voice is booming with a confident tang. Kikyo is instantly drawn towards him.

I keep my distance and watch them enjoy themselves. I do not know why I feel hurt that they spend so much of their time together. It bemuses me that when Kouga looks at me and mouth stretches into a smile I feel a slight tingle in my chest. Just behind my heart.

When I am with Kouga every sharp and rueful instinct leaves me rendering behind a blabbering fool. I giggle at the most inappropriate of times just because watching his full lips move causes me such joy. I try desperately to dispel these emotions from my heart and at night I am occupied in creating lists of the Prince's poor characteristics. Each one includes that he appears to love Kikyo. I force myself to hate him and think that I will look at him with a sneer, but when I see him the next morning my whole list is out the window and I find myself hopeless once more.

Meanwhile, I take small pleasure in the fact that Inuyasha is almost as annoyed by this change of events as I and trails around after Kikyo begging for the attention that she had once bestowed upon him. Each plan falls and is trampled quite pathetically and often I sit close and spy on his attempts. Today, I see perhaps the most outrageous one of all.

Inuyasha marches towards Kikyo who is sitting on a garden bench, no doubt dreaming of her precious Kouga. He falls on his knees at her feet and grasps her two hands in his.

"Kikyo!" He drops his head dramatically. "Your deep beautiful eyes were the only thing that once gave me hope; and now they seem to search for another man. If they do not land on me but one more time my heart shall wither and die in my chest. Without my heart my body shall be an empty shell, and what is the point of living without love?" At this point he pulls a dagger from his belt and hands it to my sister.

"Take this knife Sweet Princess and plunge into my heart. I want your perfect face to be the last thing I see!" Inuyasha looks up, obviously impressed with his depressive act and expects Kikyo to throw herself at him in tears. Instead, she takes the blade and taps the flat of it against her lower lip. She looks down at Inuyasha and says vaguely,

"It is kind of you to compliment me so, my Lord." At this point her eyes light up and she smiles softly.

"With compliments in mind Inuyasha, did you hear what Kouga said to me at dinner last night? He said, quietly in my ear, that he would no longer dare go back to Eastern Lands again because the sight of me had quite ruined all the other pretty girls there for him! That was so sweet! Silly, but sweet."

Inuyasha stares at her, his jaw hanging slightly in shock as he looks back and forth from the dagger that Kikyo keeps playing with to her dazed eyes.

"Oh!" She cries in delight, "There he is now!" A wide smile spreads across her face as Kouga walks swiftly in her direction.

"My dear Kikyo," he begins smoothly before noticing the dagger and giving a frown. "What is that you are holding? Was there a hidden plot that I was not aware of?" His eyes are hard as they pierce Inuyasha's. Kikyo looks down at her hands in surprise and laughs softly.

"Oh no, Lord Inuyasha appeared to be acting a sketch to amuse me. Wasn't that kind of him?"

"Indeed, indeed." replies Kouga, his gaze never leaving Inuyasha's.

"Well enough of that, was there not a new walk you were going to show me?" asks Kikyo, oblivious to the tension building around her. Kouga finally tears himself away and offers my sister a charming smile.

"Of course." They walk off chatting quietly and I watch Inuyasha seethe in silence. After a few minutes I stand from my seat and make my presence known. He politely moves to the side so I can pass him by but I do not move. I observe his face in complete silence. His hair looks paler in contrast to his red face and the veins stand out in his neck. He is indeed angry.

"What is it you want?" he snaps harshly, forgetting his former manners.

"To talk." My reply is simple but enough it seems, to push him into near madness.

"I do not believe we have anything to talk about!" He turns to storm away, but I neatly join his side. Now is my only shot and I am not about to waste it over angry words.

"You hate Kouga and love Kikyo," I say conversationally. "I hate Kikyo but love Kouga, it all fits together." Inuyasha turns, his curiosity piked.

"How?" he asks. There is something in the way that he said that irks me. He does not sound like he cares. He sounds almost as though he is humoring me. He is not as interested as he pretends.

"If you don't want to know I shan't tell you." I move away, walking slowly enough to give him the chance to return to my side.

"Keh, I do want to know." he informs me and I smile ever so slightly.

"In this time and position the best way to disrupt love is to prove it astray. The two will leave each other soon enough, if they believe the other unfaithful." I walk way, pleased with my answer, leaving him confused. With luck he will come to me to clarify.

Later in the evening my maid comes in.

"Sir Inuyasha wishes to see you in your private chambers my lady," she says with a small curtsey. I smile.

"Tell him I will see him soon," I reply and the maid hurries away. Quickly, I change into a simple white shift and lay my plaited hair over one shoulder. I carefully wrap a string of pearls from which dangles a cross around my neck. I am pleased to say I look innocent enough. Slipping my feet into white satin slippers I pad into my visiting room.

There sits Inuyasha. His long legs are spread out and he puffs contentedly on his pipe. It did not take long for him to get comfortable. I watch in silence as he closes his eyes, tilts his head back, and silently exhales the aromatic smoke. At my gentle cough his eyes open in surprise and stands up swiftly.

"My lady," he says smoothly leaning down to kiss my extended hand.

"My lord," I whisper. "Do forgive me for my attire; I am afraid you caught me quite unaware." I give a soft laugh for effect all the time watching for his reaction.

"My apologies," he murmurs his face blank.

"In fact." I give a slight smile. "You caught me in the middle of my prayers." I touch the cross nestled in the cup of my throat.

"How terribly inconsiderate of me."

"Ah well, how could you have known. Would have thought that I wanted to be interrupted?" I ask.

"I wouldn't." I don't say a word to his last statement but refuse to be the one who stops this meaningless conversation. Eventually Inuyasha sighs and sits down again.

"So, what do you propose we do?"

I laugh. "We will have to start thinking won't we?"

"You mean you don't have an idea yet?" his voice is hard, annoyed. I frown disapprovingly at him and say coldly.

"Well perhaps we should begin with a simple plot."

"Like…" he prompts.

"We could spread rumors about the two and then maybe progress to something more difficult, like say killing someone and then blaming it on one or the other."

Inuyasha looks at me for a minute or two. "We'll stay with simple for now."

The next day I go and visit Kikyo and watch her try on her vast supply of different gowns. After a huge amount of effort I manage to coax a small tear out of my eye.

"Sister," I sniff. "Oh sister I feel so sorry for you." I look down at the floor and give another sniff. Luckily, Kikyo is too unaware to become suspicious of my sudden sympathy for her. Instead she turns to me, her head tilted to one side

"Why would you be sorry?" she asks.

"Because," I whisper. "As I was on my way to visit you I saw Kouga. He was with a handmaid, I was not sure which, but…but…they were embracing!" It was a weak lie but thankfully Kikyo fell for it.

"What?" she gasps, her face turning pale at the thought0. "It could not be."

My heart giddy with glee I hug my sister sympathetically. "It will be fine Sister, I will help you."

Inuyasha, I must admit, had done a much better job than I had expected. I spy on the two, eager to see how he deals with his conversation with Kouga. He starts off weakly. "Be careful when you get too close to Kikyo. I am afraid her body has a frightful odor."

Kouga looks at him strangely. "What do you mean by that? I have never noticed such smell."

Inuyasha shakes his head. "You have to be very close to her in order to smell it."

"I have been close to Kikyo."

Inuyasha winks at him in that irritating way of men. "Not as close as I've been." He turns around and walks smartly away leaving Kouga, confused in the hall.

It is in the evening as I am sewing with Kikyo and her maids, Kouga comes in. He walks over and casually leans down to sniff Kikyo's hair and I can't help stifling a laugh when Kikyo turns around to see who dares come so close to her. When she sees Kouga standing there with an awkward smile on his face she softens and laughs, believing his actions to be a greeting. He still looks very red but is gallant enough to hide it. Unfortunately, it is not enough to split them apart.

The next day Inuyasha and I get together yet again to discuss what else we can do. Once we come up with a plan he leaves, as polite as always, with a small bow. When he is gone I sit down and begin to write a letter. Slowly and painstakingly I try to copy Kouga's spidery handwriting to perfection. I address the letter to Kotoko, Victoria's maid.

"To my beloved Kotoko,

Your sweet face was beaming in my dreams the other night. Your soft smile playing on your lips. Forgive for my bluntness but when I see your face so often by Kikyo's my heart skips a beat. I admit that Kikyo is pretty, but she has none of your elegant grace, your beautiful talent. Please my dear Kotoko, if you feel the same for me, let it show. Smile at me and nod your head once as you usually do. If you disagree with my words ignore me and if you feel it necessary give me a frown. But please, I hope, that one day Kikyo will be gone and I can take you to the Eastern Lands where we will… dare I say it? Live happily ever after.

Your besotted admirer,

Kouga"

Perfect. All I need to do I pretend that I took this note from Kotoko herself. Then, tomorrow I will take it and show it "reluctantly" to my sister. Wonderful. After a while I can't resist it and write an even better letter until my eyes hurt from the flickering candle light.

"To the sweet princess Kagome,

When I first came to the Western Lands I only had eyes for Kikyo. She was the one everyone spoke about and indeed she is a picture. But as time went on I realized that the quite air around you was somewhat beautiful and the way you looked outside in thought reached and touched my soul. I tried desperately to stay true to Kikyo but every time you passed I could not help but watch. Kikyo speaks of you often as a plain little girl who means well but you are more than that. You are stunning and a gorgeous young woman. I know that you suspect me of loving staff and I know that you found and showed my note meant for Kotoko to Kikyo. Please Kagome, Kotoko was only a passing fancy and now that have seen you in your true light I know there is no one else for me. Not even Satomi, Akane, Ran, or Sonoko could compete for my attention. I beg of you Kagome, do not show this note to Kikyo. Perhaps one day she will be gone and we will live comfortably together in the Eastern Lands and reign over both West and East together. Please acknowledge that you love me too. Pat my hand as you pass maybe or just give me a smile. If you do not wish to speak with me thoroughly ignore me as always.

Your hopeful suitor,

Kouga"

I laugh and blow out my candle. This little game of pretend is proving to be more fun than I had thought. As I crawl between my sheets I give tired sigh. Soon Kouga will be mine.

The next day, I rush into Kikyo's bedroom brandishing my first note. "Sister! I have proof that Kouga is not worthy of you. Read the letter that I found in your maid's hand! My acting is appalling, but I am eager to find out what Kikyo's reaction will be. Her eyes widen as they move along the page. Silently, she puts the piece of paper on the table beside her and looks at the floor.

"Please leave," she whispers and, happily, I do so.

I let a few days pass and watch Kikyo carefully avoid Kouga for a while; and just when she starts to forgive him I jump in with another blow.

Kikyo visits me in the evening and we sit, peacefully embroidering, until I lower my head and burst into tragic sobs.

"I cannot do it anymore Kikyo I cannot!" I cry dramatically while withdrawing another letter from a table draw. "Take it Sister," I whimper softly. "Read it and punish me how you will."

Kikyo takes the second note from my fingers and reads it curiously. When she has finished her face becomes white and pinched and she rests a hand upon my shoulder. "Kagome, I will not punish you. You could not help receiving this letter and I understand that."

We sit together for a few more seconds until Kikyo stands and gives me a final embrace. When she turns to leave, her face heavy with sorrow, my heart leaps for joy. The first part of our plan is complete.

Inuyasha visits me the next day with a sheepish look on his face. "I wrote the letter I wish that Kikyo would write to me but I couldn't quite copy her handwriting."

It is true. The letter that he has written is in an untidy scrawl. And nothing like Kikyo's letters at all. Sighing, I sit down and begin to copy out what he has written into a note with what looked a lot more realistic.

"Dear Yuki,

You are such a charming person and I wish that I could spend every second with you. When you smiled at me the other day for some reason I felt different. You are so kind and thoughtful and how I wish it were you I am expected to marry, not Kouga. If you Kouga is sweet you are a kitchen filled with cakes. So strong and handsome with a wonderful heart. Oh, how I wish I didn't have to write you this note in secret. One day I promise that I will leave Kouga and come to you and stay by your side forever.

Yours truly,

Kikyo"

It is a fairly pathetic letter. But I suppose it is what a man would want to read from a woman. I am not sure why the letter is addressed to Yuki, who is nothing but a stable boy, but choose to ignore it.

I hand the note back to Inuyasha and inform him on how to give it to Kouga. He shifts his feet uncomfortably from side to side and says, "Do you think you could? I mean Kouga is less trusting than Kikyo, and he might be a bit suspicious if I am suddenly concerned in his happiness."

I nod thoughtfully. He does have a point; Kouga is certainly quite bright and would always think of the obvious. I take the letter back into my own hands and offer Inuyasha a smile before sweeping out of my bedroom. Kouga might be wary of Inuyasha, but he would not be so of me.

Kouga is standing by a window when I enter the room. He turns, his familiar smile stretching across his face as he sees me.

"Good afternoon Lady Kagome," he says. "It is a beautiful day is it not?"

"It is indeed," I reply with a small curtsey. "But unfortunately, it is a touch too warm for my liking."

He looks at me with, eyes twinling, and asks. "So it is too warm for a walk in the gardens?"

A quick blush colors my cheeks. "I find it only too warm inside the palace walls. It is perfect weather for a walk."

"Wonderful, would you care to accompany me?"

"It would be a pleasure, My Lord."

"Right this way, I know a lovely path."

As we walk along we chat about different books and discussing the difficulty that intelligent young women are having these days. Albert agrees that books are honestly better than long and dull talks that are mandatory in a public setting.

After that we stroll along in compatible silence until I break it by pulling the letter out of my pocket and handing it to him with a worried look on my face.

He reads it slowly, his flicking from side to side. When he is done he pockets it and looks at me seriously. "Where did you get this, Kagome?"

"I found it while I was having one of my horses prepared for a ride."

He doesn't say anything except to shake his head and walk wordlessly away. My heart gives a sudden squeeze. Maybe, if I had waited a little longer the walk would have been prolonged.

Kouga and Kikyo avoid each other for several days and I begin to allow myself to hope until I notice that they seem to be getting warmer to each other again. Quickly, I summon Inuyasha to my room.

He walks slowly in eyeing me cautiously as I pace the length of my room in agitation.

"Kagome?"

"How could this happen?! It would have worked so well if Kikyo wasn't so frustratingly understanding!"

"Kagome, calm down…"

"How can I calm down when our plan is starting to fail?! It was so beautiful, and we were so close." At this point, much to my embarrassment, a large tear oozes out of my eye and slithers down my cheek. I wipe it roughly away but more keep following.

"Kagome." He stretches a hand out to place on my shoulder his eyes filled with understanding.

"Don't Kagome me! You cannot truly understand! You're worthless Inuyasha!" I slap his hand away and stride towards my bedroom door. Without turning around I pause, and say,

"Come tomorrow. I'll probably have a plan by then." I slam the door and sit down at my table. My reflection is a wreck. Tears are still flowing freely and my mouth is quivering from anger. I wash my face and change into my nightgown. I have to think of what to do as a final attempt.

The next day Inuyasha visits me again, his face wary as he takes in my mood. I give him a little smile and tell him to sit down. He does so and I, still pleasantly smiling, tell him what we must do. His face turns an ashy gray and he stands up explosively.

"Absolutely not, can you think of the humiliation?"

"No one will know," I say sweetly. This is proving to be more amusing than anticipated.

"You will know," he grumbles and sits back down his face a picture of displeasure. I decide to take that as his consent.

"Wonderful, in a couple of days I will have your clothes ready. But, of course, I need your measurements." I swish out of the room pleased with how I dealt with him.

It is difficult sneaking into Kouga's room and stealing a few items of clothing, but after a few attempts I manage it. I take a pair of pale blue trousers and a tunic of a slightly darker shade. I add to my pile a red cloak and a hat, for Kouga and Inuyasha's hair shades are different. They are clothes I cannot imagine Kouga taking note of.

I consult the piece of paper containing Inuyasha's dress sizes. This should be simple. I get a spool of thread and clumsily push it through the eye of the needle. When I take in the clothes I try and make the stitches as tiny as possible so to make them harder to notice.

Eventually the clothes are done and I ring for Inuyasha. He walks in looking slightly sullen as I thrust the clothes into his arms. Ever so slowly he picks up the top and unfolds it. His face does not betray any emotion but I can tell that he is still unhappy with our plan. I push him into another and stand outside it till he has changed. Inuyasha's face is the picture of discomfort. I realize that the thread I had used was rough and with my unskilled sewing it had made a fairly rough outfit. But it would have to do.

"Kagome," he mutters. I look into his eyes, daring him to continue. The fool does.

"Can you even sew?! I feel almost as if I am dressed in but a few potato sacks!"

"Shut up," I snap. I had spent a long night altering those clothes by mere candlelight. I was not going to have Inuyasha complain continually

Inuyasha shakes his head and looks down at me in frustration. "I cannot wear these! I can barely even walk for fear of being cut!"

I sit down and breathe for a minute. I cannot afford to lose my temper right now. If I do then this plan may end as well as the previous one.

After some time I calm down and pull myself together enough to order Inuyasha to practice standing as Kouga would. He looks so very awkward and so very uncomfortable I find it quite amusing. I must keep a straight face though. But the way he's…

I burst into a fit of laughter and fall down on a chair giggling helplessly.

"If you walk like that Kikyo may not believe that you are Kouga," I gasp, once I have quieted down enough to talk.

"There are high chances she will. When we are doing what is planned I will not be walking. As long as you are there to give your word that it was Kouga I am sure that Kikyo will believe you."

He begins to walk towards me but a certain stitch appears to rub and he bends in double in sudden pain. I cannot help but laugh once more and at this point Inuyasha walks away, injured dignity floating around him like a bad smell.

I chat with Kikyo about plans for the following days. She says she is going to become more familiar with the many palace rooms since she is soon to be Queen. I know for a fact that one of the rooms she is visiting is empty and secluded from the rest of the palace. It would be a perfect place for Kouga to sneak with another woman.

"Does Kouga know which rooms you are visiting?" I ask.

"No, I wouldn't dare bore him with things like this. I am sure he will do his own thing."

I smile. If she thinks Kouga is doing his own thing she might see a kiss as a personal pass time of his.

The next day George is dressed up in his brand new outfit and I struggle to find one for myself. I decide on one of the few gowns that was actually made for me. It is white silk which should speak of my sweet vulnerability with pale gold embroidery spreading over the bodice and skirt. The gold is meant to show that I still have some strong will in me. I arrange my hair so that it is half pulled up and pin some parts loosely so that they will give the effect of having been torn loose. Before I leave the room I pick up a pocket bible from my table and take an ornate gold necklace with a cross on it in my hand. People should think that I have been on my way to the church for my prayers. It would be better to give the impression I am shocked and naïve when 'Kouga' assaults me.

Inuyasha and I stand in the empty room discussing what position we should hold. We agreed that the effect would be better if he pressed me up against the wall with one hand, the other in my hair. I should have my arms pressed against the wall my bible and cross on the floor as if I had dropped them. We are against the wall facing the door so that when Kikyo comes in she can see my wide terrified eyes and know that I am fighting him off, not enjoying it.

After a few minutes we hear footsteps and hurry into our positions. Just before Inuyasha's lips meet mine the footsteps fade. It was not Kikyo. To be honest I am a little relieved. For some reason, the thought of Inuyasha's mouth near mine intimidates me. He does not move from his position and the close proximity makes me blush. Why? It is no one more than Inuyasha.

After several more false alarms we finally hear Kikyo's voice drifting through the door. In a matter of seconds Inuyasha is upon me and I am helpless.

My mind goes blank. Inuyasha's lips are…warmer than I expected. Softer. The kiss is not as terrible as I had imagined it would be. He keeps his one hand clasping the back of my head and I feel his grip grow a little tighter. No! I am no meant to be enjoying this! No! My eyes fly open in shock and meet the gaze of Kikyo,

I see her astonished face over Inuyasha's shoulder and my eyes fill with tears at the humiliation of the moment. All I can hope is that she sees my face and notes the true fear in it.

"Kagome? Kouga?" Her expression is confused and she wants an explanation.

"Help," I whimper pathetically. Where was the fire I had rehearsed with? I was going to push 'Kouga' away myself but I can't. My arms hang limp at my side.

"Kouga!" she shrieks and runs to pull him off of me. Like planned, Inuyasha hurries away with his face hidden to avoid detection. I slump to the floor, my eyes shut with relief. When I reopen them Kikyo is looking down on me.

"I-I'm sorry Kikyo," I mutter my eyes, to my disgust, filling up with tears. Kikyo's cheeks however are soaked with an uncharacteristic amount of tears. Without a word, she turns and races from the room. All the maids and nannies who were with her look down on me in pity, which only makes me cry harder.

Later, alone in my room, I gloat over the perfect execution of the plan. Long since forgotten that my tears were genuine, I am congratulating myself on my act. This would break them up for sure.

The next day, as I pass Kikyo's rooms I hear her talking to Kouga and stop to listen.

"Kikyo, I have question to ask you."

"Leave me be Kouga, I saw what you did to poor Kagome."

"Kagome? But that was just a walk." Kouga does not know what is going on.

"No, I know you did worse things than that. But if you must, ask me your question."

"Kikyo," he gets down on one knee. No. No. No. This can't be happening.

"Kikyo, will you marry me?"

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

Stage 2 in becoming King-

Today was fairly odd. We carried out Kagome's plan to try and force Kikyo and Kouga apart. (It did not go well, the two are now engaged…) But that was not the odd bit. The odd bit was when I kissed Kagome. It was… nice. I had not expected to feel that way. I had not wanted to feel that way. I am in love with Kikyo. After all, Kagome will not be Queen. There is no point to having any relationship with her. I am more than a little confused. Because after I left the room. I found myself wanting to go back in… and kiss Kagome again…

-Inuyasha

**A/N: So, what do you think? I hope I made less mistakes this time! I know that Kikyo never fell in love with Kouga but it fits in with the rivalry between him and Inuyasha and the love triangle thingy with the three of them. If you like please please please go and leave a review! I want to know what you think!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	3. Chapter 3: Torture

**Chapter 3: Torture**

**A/N: Ok, I think that I should clarify something. I first wrote this story not intending it to be a fanfiction. I then got the idea and am now modifying it from its original version to fit Inuyasha. If you see a name you do not recognize it will be as thus.**

**Victoria= Kikyo**

**Irene= Kagome**

**George=Inuyasha**

**Albert= Kouga**

**(later on in the story) Brother Steele= Miroku**

** Chastity/Clare= Sango**

**I am sorry for the confusion caused by all this and I will try to be more meticulous later on.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha**

It is torture. Sitting and watching Kikyo get dressed in several different gowns pains me. But still, I smile when she looks at me and nod my agreement when she asks my opinion. She does not realize how much I hurt. Kikyo doesn't know that every giggle and laugh she makes is like a whip lashing my heart. She does not realize how much ill will I wish her.

Kikyo also is now having lessons on becoming Queen. Apparently a Queen must walk correctly, talk correctly, and above all she must learn how to issue commands with the proper panache. I just wish she didn't have to practice all these skills on me.

My sister walks slowly and precisely into the room where I am sitting reading a book. She passes her eyes over me and says coolly, "Irene, you mustn't lie like that and crumple such a beautiful gown. It is most ungraceful." She then smiles slightly and sinks to the ground in a low curtsey. When she leaves I stare at the door of the room for a moment or two before returning to my book. This dress is far from beautiful.

The only time I ever pay attention is when Kouga comes in. He grows more handsome every day. The most shocking of all is today. Kouga walks in and admires his fiancée for a while. I melt silently at the gentle curve of his lips. Then suddenly, Kikyo launches herself at him and their lips join. His arms snake around her waist in what I hope is an attempt to stop her from losing balance. The thing that stands out to me the most though is that he does not push her away. Of course he wouldn't, I chide myself, he is the one who proposed.

When they finally stop to breathe I am faint with misery. I leap up and push past them muttering something about an urgent appointment. I feel as if my life has betrayed me. It is falling to ruins around me.

Mother and Father are throwing a ball to honor the engagement of my sister and my dearest love; and amazingly, Kikyo has allowed me to pick my own dress. The fitters are coming today.

I have chosen the fabric. It is a beautiful light blue. It is the only color that truly compliments my skin and hair and brings out a little color from my eyes. I must admit that I am amazed. I never thought I would live to see the day she willingly paid for my new dress.

Today is the day of the ball. My maid comes in to help me dress and prepare myself. I slip into my new gown. It has a square neckline and a ribbon around the waist. Ribbons also hold my sleeves to my arms before they fall in elegant drapes to the floor. The skirt spreads till it touches the tip of my toes which are covered in matching blue slippers. Sonoko, my maid, carefully washes my hair and I tilt my head in front of the fire while it dries. I feel a brush stroke my head in rhythmic strikes. When dry, my hair is then twisted into an elaborate hairstyle. Red powder is brushed along my cheeks and my lips are red enough without the use of any stain.

When I see my reflection I am amazed. For once, I seem to be the beauty in the mirror. Then, Kikyo sweeps in and steals all of my attention. She wears a deep violet dress scattered with beads and jewels. Her hair has been carefully curled and pinned halfway up. She is a picture.

"Sister!" she cries. "Oh sister you look lovely! People shall be looking at you instead of me!"

I look away from her in an attempt to keep my anger from bubbling over. She knows that she does and flaunts it. A hidden jibe in every compliment paid. I follow her as we walk to the ballroom and allow myself the tiniest of hopes. Perhaps Kouga will see me in a new light.

When we enter gasps echo around the room. Assuming they are for Kikyo I give the crowd a tight smile and head towards my usual corner. I am intercepted by Kouga and my face gives way to an expression of delight.

"Kagome, you look quite wonderful tonight."

I dip my head in thanks and return the complement. It is certainly not a lie. He is stunning in a midnight blue jacket and perfectly creased, white breeches. He offers me his hand, I accept, and together we walk onto the dance floor. When I am twirled I laugh aloud, not caring if people are watching, the only thing that matters is the dance… and who I am dancing with.

It only seems like a few seconds but the dance is suddenly over. My Kouga suddenly vanishes and I am forced to return to the wall.

It is then when Inuyasha appears. He stares at me his eyes wide and he a strange smile crowns his lips. He bows formally.

"Kagome, would you care to dance?"

I accept and am pulled onto the dance floor but this time I am not laughing. I am dancing with the wrong person.

Several dances later my father gets onto a raised platform and raises his hand for attention. Everyone stops to listen.

"As you all know, my eldest daughter is to wed my nephew soon," he begins. A polite clapping follows. "I have yet another announcement to make though. Everyone here knows my youngest daughter," I look up in surprise. "Well, I am delighted to say that she too is now engaged." After that, all you can hear is silence.

The silence swells, pushing down on me. My head hurts. My head is about to break open. Inuyasha steps up beside me and gently takes my hand. I look at him. His eyes are mildly apologetic and he holds my finger carefully as if I may break. I am engaged to this. In a daze, I yank my hand from him, turn, and run out of the room.

Somehow, I make it back to my bedroom without collapsing. Looking up, I see Sonoko shaking her head at me.

"You shouldn't have done that," she sighs and I realize that she must have seen my outburst and beaten me back to my room. "Sometimes, I wish you were more like your sister."

This is the last straw. I have been compare to Kikyo long enough. Without truly taking note of my actions I walk over to my dressing table and pick up a letter opener. Slowly I stroll towards my maid. In a trance I knock her to the ground; one hand covers her mouth and the other jabs the letter opener's sharp tip into her throat, again and again and again. Her struggles slow and eventually she stops breathing. That is when I realize what I have done. I throw the weapon to the other side of the bedroom. My breath comes in gasps as I look into Sonoko's sightless eyes. Tears pour down my cheeks and I cry in big choking sobs. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror but I don't see me. I have never met that person. She is a murderer.

I race out of the room and into my bathing chambers. I stare at my reflection. My lovely blue dress is now a rusty orange on the front. Blood drips from my fingertips. I wash my hands and tell myself that I have just had a bad evening and I am off to my bedroom so Sonoko can prepare me for bed. I ignore the stain on my front. I spilled my drink earlier which is the main reason I came up. I must believe this! I must! I must! It is the truth. The truth. Yes, what a nice, appealing way to put it. The truth. Calm again, I walk back into my room.

"Sonoko?" I call clearly. "Sonoko-o-o-o?" I look down. She is at my feet, blood pooling at her throat. Her neck has three deep slashes in it. Suddenly, I feel cold, heartless. I take the letter opener again and tear open her stomach. Bits of a person I have never seen before spill out and I drag them out even further. I take the letter opener and hurl it out the window into the middle of the deep lake in our garden. Then, I scream.

"Sonoko!" I shriek. I must not let on what happened. "Sonoko!" She was like this when I came upstairs she had to have been. Once again I give myself up to pitiful sobs. No one can know. It wasn't my fault! I don't know who killed her! I kneel beside my maid and take her shoulders. Trying to stand up I keel over again and slump against the wall still letting out a piercing yell.

I hear the thunder of footsteps. My door crashes open. There stands my father, Inuyasha, and Kouga. They see Sonoko and run to her. But I already know that it is too late. Sonoko is dead.

"What happened?" Inuyasha demands. All I can do is gulp and they wait until I calm down.

"I-I was shocked by the news of my engagement so I ran up to my room to c-compose myself. When I came in I called for Sonoko. A man dressed in black was just climbing out of my window. He had a small dagger in one hand. When he saw me he jumped, but when I ran to the window he was already gone. Then I turned around and there was Sonoko a-already dead!" I wail. Inside of me there is a Kagome who is not crying. She is sitting in my heart, cool and unperturbed. She was the one who came up with this story. She is remaining level-headed.

Inuyasha puts his arm around me and seems as surprised as I am when I turn to weep in his shoulder. They don't seem to suspect that it was I as everyone is trying to comfort me at once, but I can't help feeling wary. Albert is looking at me strangely. I follow his gaze to my hand. Oh no, through the sheen of Sonoko's drying blood I see a bit of my own, welling from a cut on my finger. Only something very sharp could have made that cut. And the only sharp thing I have held since I ran from the ballroom was… the letter opener.

A few days pass and I walk through the passages of my home silently. Every person I see smiles at me and touches my arm sympathetically. I don't want their sympathy. I feel weak, like an empty shell. I have murdered a person. I cut a bit of the blood stained dress out and carry it around with me. I am not sure if I am trying to make myself feel guilty. Inuyasha crows over his new taming of me and parades me around on his arm. I am almost like Kikyo. I smile and stroll around always on my fiancée's arm. I am weak. Only Kouga notices my change.

In a month it is Kikyo's wedding. All the preparation is now hectic and the news of me and my maid is all over. I am almost disappointed in this fact. The cold me in my heart had enjoyed the drama.

Today is the day. Kikyo rushes into my bedroom allowing a few tears to fall.

"It's over," she cries dramatically. "I am no longer free. I am a beautiful bird lured and captured in the stunning cage of marriage. But on the inside it is cold and grey. I shall have to open my attractive beak and sing any lovely song my husband, who is also my master, demands." I stare at her for a while. What a stupid thing to say. She was looking forward to this wedding and Kikyo is the least likely person to regret a thing like that. Besides, her attractive beak quite likes singing…

Then, something inside of me clicks. All of the old me comes flooding through my body like a stormy wave. I am me. I am strong. Kikyo still stares at me and her expression is a touch triumphant when I open my mouth.

"Kikyo, you and I both know have always wanted to be in that cage. You have flown around the entrance hoping for some hunter to come along and catch you. When you flirted with all those men at your balls you were teetering at the opening. Kouga was just the first breath of wind that pushed you in." Kikyo looks at me with what could almost be called a gormless expression. It thrills me and I race from the room and out into the gardens. I am back!

Inuyasha walks quietly up behind me and links my arm through his. Immediately I twist around and shove him away. With laughter bordering on hysteria, I run to a secret area of the garden that is hidden by trees. I lie on my back and stare at the sky. It feels so wonderful to be happy instead of empty.

Unfortunately me moment of joy is brief, and I am called in to prepare for Kikyo's wedding. It is to be held at one o'clock with a celebration later in the evening. Apparently, I am Kikyo's maid of honor. She had told everyone to keep hush because she wanted to "surprise" me. Am I supposed to care? I am to go to her room to be shown my dress.

Kikyo flings the door open as soon as I knock looking panicked.

"I haven't decided on a dress yet Kagome!" she cries. 'Oh help me sister!" I walk into the room where several dozen dressmakers are standing holding bolts of cloth.

"What do you mean you have not picked a dress?" I ask suspiciously. My sister looks at me miserably.

"There were so many colors and lovely fabrics I couldn't decide and now all of a sudden I am getting married! In four hours!" She scurries around the room again picking up random scraps of cloth and throwing them back down with a sigh. Suddenly, I am annoyed with all this excitement and anxiety. I want to do something to if not destroy, at least hurt Kikyo's reputation.

"How about white?" I ask casually fingering some creamy silk. Victoria looks at me horrified.

"Oh I couldn't, it would not be proper."

I sigh dramatically.

"You are nearly Queen, Sister. You are meant to _tell_ people what is proper or not." My sister stares at me mulling the idea over.

"It would be different," she agrees. "And my subjects wouldn't want me if I did everything the same way as Mother and Father." Smirking, I turn to the window. What Kikyo has forgotten is that white symbolizes purity, virginity, youth, and innocence. Most people getting married are not quite as perfect as they like to think.

The dressmakers are surprisingly fast. As a group, in less than two hours, the dress is finished and stunning.

It is white silk and flows over her feet gracefully. The sleeves are tight until the elbow where they are changed to lace and drip to her knees. Her neckline is square and trimmed with yet more lace. Ruffled bows are artfully placed in each crease of the skirt so you have to look twice to check if they are really there. It is gorgeous. The only problem is that it is white. Kikyo examines herself critically.

"It looks lovely," she admits. "But are you sure that they will accept it?" I nod my positivity. She smiles gleefully.

"And now for yours!" she runs from the room to re-emerge with the dress I am supposed to wear. To put it simply, it is hideous. There are no straps just large scrunches of blue fabric on my chest and around my stomach it is skin tight. The skirt spreads out its yards of shapeless blue fluff. You can see quite clearly that there is a hoop underneath since the dress is longer than it and falls flat and straight where the hoop ends. The color is a sickly blue, both horrible and bright.

Kikyo looks at me eagerly. I muster a smile and lie through my teeth about its beauty. The bride of today babbles on eagerly talking about how she and Kouga picked the fabric together and agreed that it would suit me very well. I have no choice but to agree, but I hardly think that Kouga had much to do with it.

I spend the time up to the wedding glowering at this contraption on my bed. When my new maid comes to dress me in it I am in no better mood.

During the ceremony I feel tears prick at my eyes. Kouga, my true love, is gazing into the wrong girl's eyes. How I wish I could be up there all excited and eager to kiss my new husband. I am awoken from these daydreams by the dreaded words.

"I do," says Kouga.

"And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband through sickness and through health till death do you part?"

"I do," sighs Kikyo, smiling happily.

"You may kiss the bride." Everybody applauds as Kouga and Kikyo's lips meet on the first kiss of their official marriage and I hear somebody gulping and hiccupping unattractively as the twohey stand close together smiling into each other's' eyes. I then realize these sobs are coming from me and I am ashamed when I notice people looking.

"She is so happy for her sister the sweet dear."

"Oh I know, I heard she had quite a spiteful soul, obviously rumors."

"I heard that too! That she was in love with the Prince."

"Do you think that's why she's crying?"

"Never! Really? She loved him?"

"Codswallop I say. He is far above her in class even if she is in line for the throne after Princess Kikyo."

"You never know with royalty. They're a fairly sneaky sort you know."

There are so many voices swirling around my head. Some speak kindly of me but others not so much. I walk swiftly to Kikyo to congratulate her and perhaps, if I am careful with my words, earn kind thoughts from my on-lookers. Perhaps that will prove my innocence to Kouga who still stares at me awkwardly when he thinks I do not notice. He will never want to be with me if he thinks of me as a murderer! Of course, he is right in thinking so but ever the same I wish he didn't!

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I do not know why, that when Kagome's father cornered me about marriage I said yes. He was obviously eager to marry his youngest daughter off with the next and I suppose that I seemed the best option. I did not mind as much I had suspected I might. Kagome intrigues me. Perhaps that is why I agreed to this set up.

Kagome was not quite as forgiving as I and left the room quite suddenly after the announcement. I can say though that I was not expecting the murder! The shock caused quite a character change in the girl. I cannot blame her though. I too, would not have known what to with myself.

Later in the evening though Kouga spoke of something suspicious.

"There was a cut on Irene's finger," he said thoughtfully.

"What of it?" I asked sharply. How dare he think about things like that after all the stress she has been through!

"It just seems strange, there is nothing sharp in her room; I looked." I stood up in anger.

"You have been looking through Irene's things?" Kouga shrugged never looking at me. I sank back into my chair. What did Kouga suspect her of? The murder?! Kagome wouldn't kill… would she?

**A/N: I just realized something! In the first chapter I said I wouldn't put Kouga in this fic! The Prince was originally going to be Sesshomaru but I thought the role suited Kouga better. Forgive me! Anyway, I gave you your first murder!? (I thought it would be different to have Kagome as the murderer and give poor Inuyasha a break.) What did you think? Please review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	4. Chapter 4: Again

**Chapter 4: Again**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone except Despair.**

I sit here and I watch as Kikyo tosses her hair casually over one shoulder. I watch her open her mouth and laugh at some dull thing another man said to her. She inclines her head and smiles graciously at the hundreds of compliments gushing about her lovely white dress. I hear snippets of each praise as I walk past.

"Oh your majesty, that dress is so becoming!" A new duchess, eager to become part of the upper circle.

"Queen Victoria, I must say that dress simply defies beauty itself!" A pompous gentle man who considers himself a wit.

"When I saw you walking down that aisle I was glad of my wife's death for I was able to stare all I liked!" A disgusting, elderly gentlemen leering at unsuitable areas.

"Watch out child, you think you are so great now wearing your own dress, starting a fashion. But if I know what I know then men will start circling you whether married or not." An aged Lady, who knows what she knows. Even the servants are in awe. Everyone wants a glimpse of this new white wedding gown.

"Eee, don't Miss Kikyo look a pretty thing in that dress."

"She's a right picture she is, a right picture."

"More than I can say for that there sister of her's."

"She looks a bit of a naff if you ask me but it is all in the taste of the person. That's what me mam always said. You got tae trust a person's taste as long as you don't wear it yerself." The serving girl taps the side of her nose knowingly. "I have never in ma day seen me mam proved wrong, a real wise soul." The girl looks down on her companion. "She talks to ghosts you know. She had a nice old conversation with me grandmum the other day. Me grandmum's been dead for near on five years now."

"Naw, yer havin' me on!" The younger girl sits down, wide eyed with respect.

"No I am not. I saw her meself, sitting on that chair talkin' to me grandmum, cheerful as anythin'. They had a few good laughs together too." She lowers her voice conspiratorially. "But, they never got on when she was alive. Naw, they was always yellin' about something from who needs money most to who should look after that dog what wandered in. It just goes to show that death mellows people."

"Mellows?" breathes the younger girl gazing at her elder in adoration.

The elder puffs up visibly with the knowledge that she is better informed on the ways of the world. She leans back down to the younger girl.

"That's the fancy word for calmed down. None of us servers use it you see but I'm special. I got word from the Queen herself that I could speak it to you lot!"

At this point I walk away. I am not interested in low class workers who are pretending to be better than they truly are. I know for a fact that that particular serving girl's mother has been ill for years and spends all of her life telling other people to write her letters for her. Those who do are often disappointed since most of these letters are addressed to God, telling him to get out of bed, stop being so lazy, and collect her already. There is a low chance that she said all those interesting things. But then again, those with suffering mental health tend to amuse.

What I cannot believe is that my beautiful plan backfired so easily. I sincerely assumed that wearing a white dress would instantly ruin Kikyo's chances of ever being popular with her kingdom. It was not intended to increase their love and start a general chatter about the bride's wonderful wedding dress. It is depressing how many young women are discussing their future wedding dress styles varying from snow white to almost yellow cream. The man who found himself amusing from before walks up to me. He bows and offers his hand. I take it and we walk onto the floor.

"I am fairly talented at reading a person's personality," he boasts suddenly.

"Really?"

"Indeed, I know that your sister loves pretty things and that you love the ocean." I look at him.

"I regret to say that I have never once seen the ocean." This stalls him for a minute.

"Ah well," he carries on. "You have always had pictures of the waves in your mind and you can often hear the waves crashing on the beach."

"What makes you think I love the ocean?"

"Your dress," he reaches out to touch the ruffles. "The color is blue and the ruffles resemble waves. It is very simple." I turn my head and look at him with an expression I suppose he takes for admiration for his chest puffs out further and he lets out a stream of self-centered babble.

"I went on a boat to the Americas not but a few months ago. I remember clearly looking at the ocean, and whilst staring into the waves I saw a mermaid." He looks at me with pride. "A mermaid with tangled blonde hair and a green fish tail; I leaned over the side of the boat and she reached up to clasp my hands and she spoke to me. Her voice was raspy and soft, but the words I heard I swear I will never forget." Keeping a careful eye on my reaction the man clears his throat.

"_When the wind blows strong_

_And the cows go moo._

_A young lady_

_Will be thinking of you._

_As much as you she loves the sea._

_ When you get married you will see me."_

"Interesting," I murmur politely. "How does she know that you will get married at the sea?"

He is prepared for this question. "A pure psychological trick, her words will draw me back to the ocean. Wonderfully clever isn't it."

"Mmm. Well, I hope you find this young lady soon."

An arm snakes around my waist pulling me closer to this man.

"I think I already found her," he whisperers dramatically his eyes boring into mine.

"Lovely," I say. "But, if you are looking for the designer of this dress I believe you will find her more in that direction." I wave vaguely towards the direction of Kikyo and walk away, head in the air. All the people in this party are twits and liars. They all want to impress others and hope that no one finds out the truth. Living in this time is just one long competition to be the best. Inuyasha walks slowly up behind me. Speaking of twits…

"What was that man talking to you about?" Inuyasha asks aggressively as we spin around the dance floor. For some reason I find this amusing. Inuyasha is jealous of a man I do not even know the name of.

"Nothing of importance. We were discussing the behavior of mermaids," I reply. The satisfaction on his face is obvious. I am guessing that he is sizing this man to be no competition. The fool doesn't seem to have properly realized that, whether I want it or not, I am tied to him until one of us dies. He just does not understand the fact that I am his. He owns me. He can play with me and toss me aside as much as he wants. I am not really sure whether to be pleased he understands that I am not a woman to be trifled with, or embarrassed that I have such a dim-witted fiancée.

The dancing comes to a close and my father calls the attention back to him.

"Many of you are staying here tonight I presume," he starts. There is a mumble of agreement. "Your rooms have all been set up and since there is an abundance of food and drink left behind, my wife and I have decided to host my second daughter's wedding tomorrow! I know that this is sudden and many of you have not expected it but these are difficult times. It would be better, my wife and I have discussed, to save costs and simply extend the ceremony. I thank you for understanding." A high pitched gasp escapes from my lips before I can stop it. Inuyasha looks strangely cheerful but I cannot hide the fact that I am disgusted. My father remains stubbornly oblivious to all of this and carries on with his speech.

"I hope you will all be happy to stay for another day to celebrate these amazing moments of two people joining." He sits back down and the room erupts into chatter.

"Another wedding?"

"It is fairly odd; I do not think I'll stay for it."

"Yes, I mean the bride didn't seemed a bit shocked as well don't you think?"

"Oh yes I do! I feel sorry for that man who is marrying her!"

"Didn't he seem quite happy?"

"Well yes, but it must take a lot of love to propose to Princess Kagome of all people!"

"Are you all right?" Inuyasha whispers softly in my ear.

"I'm fine," I inform him curtly. "Nothing could be better." I am getting married tomorrow to a man of whom I hate and all the guests are discussing leaving because they can't be bothered to attend _my_ wedding. Kikyo's, plan what you wear months in advance. Kagome, she isn't worth the trouble, I don't think I'll go.

"I am feeling a bit light headed; I think I'll take a small walk outside." I step away from the crowd and make my way to the door. Running into the garden I reach a stone bench and lie down on it. What am I going to do now?

"Kagome?" I look up. Kouga stands in the gate, moonlight casting soft rays across his face. Nothing has ever seemed so beautiful. He walks over and sits beside me.

"The moon is beautiful is it not?"

"It is. Lovely." I had not noticed the moon before. But Kouga was right. How elegant it was.

"But hark what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. Arise fair sun and kill the jealous moon." Kouga recites quietly.

"Shakespeare," I comment.

"His work never quite grabbed me to be honest." He gives me a small smile. "His comparisons are often incorrect. The moon has no reason to be jealous of the sun. It is still beautiful in its own way. I find it softer and gentler. I think you and Kikyo are like the moon and sun." Kouga looks me straight in the eye and whispers,

"Kikyo is stunning and no one could ever ignore her beauty; but you, Kagome, you are the moon. Whether you believe it or not you are beautiful too. It is time you noticed that." With those words he stands up, leans down and lightly kisses my cheek.

"Sometimes, you make the wrong decision but I trust that you will learn from your mistakes." He walks away and I sit in the night a little longer. It is all over now. I feel as if Kouga knows that I murdered Sonoko. And the worst part is that he feels that I will not do it again. I am scared. I don't know if I will never do it again. A thought that has never occurred to me before is constantly rising in my head. Killing someone, it does not bother me. It makes me feel strong. I can imagine blood gliding across my palms and it soothes me. I can picture it. There is a sink in front of me where I leisurely rinse the red off my hands. I turn around. There is a body; it is drowning in blood but curiously peaceful. I walk over to the body and carefully turn it over. I move dark, matted locks of hair off her face. The face belongs to Kikyo. Her eyes stare at nothing and a river of her own blood creeps from her lifeless mouth. Her face is as pale as snow. A laugh escapes my lips; it is soft at first but swiftly grows louder.

My eyes fly open, but I wasn't asleep, I was imagining, imagining a beautiful future. I throw back my head and laugh the same laugh from my daydream. It would be wonderful to kill again. To feel the power of being able to reach my hand out to someone and just extinguish their soul. Reality reaches me though. I cannot kill. Kouga is counting on me to change my ways, I just wish it was that easy.

When I re-enter the house the dancing is done and Inuyasha comes up to me looking worried.

"Are you alright?" he murmurs worriedly. "You were gone for so long."

"I am fine," I whisper back." I just needed some time alone." Inuyasha looks at me sullenly.

"You were not alone, you were with Kouga." He looks even more upset. "The two of you were alone… together… in the moonlight.

"What does it matter to you, you know that I love him!" My outburst startles Inuyasha and he takes a few steps backwards. I do not understand the hurt in his eyes.

"You knew that didn't you?" I ask quietly. "I love Kouga and you love Kikyo. That is what put us in this mess." Inuyasha walks over to a window and stares into the darkness.

"Yes," he agrees. "I loved Kikyo." At that he walks out of the room leaving me alone. What did he mean by loved? I don't understand anything anymore. My life is slowly falling to pieces around me. The only bit still standing is the sliver of sky I hold in my hands. I will keep hold of that sliver for as long as I live. I will hold onto it for Kouga.

Today is the day. The last day of my freedom. The day I get married. Kikyo bustles into my bedroom early in the morning to awaken and prepare me. I will wear her dress which is far too big for me. As is such, I have to take it in myself as the maids are busy yet again. And all supposedly to cut the cost that would have to be spent on a later wedding.

"Oh Kagome," Kikyo sighs as she sweeps into my bedroom. "You do look a lovely picture!" She is lying. I look horribly awkward in this dress that I inexpertly fixed to suit my size. Kikyo had insisted that I mustn't allow her to wear the maid of honor dress that I was forced to clothe myself in with at her wedding. Apparently it would appear tacky if we merely switched dresses. Instead she has picked out a gauzy lilac dress that is wonderfully elegant yet strangely casual at the same time. When I asked her the reason of this particular design she replied.

"I am now practically Queen. The people of the kingdom expect me to be respectful of the important things yet not so overbearing on the less important. Appearance is key. I do not want my courtiers to think of me as a monarch who wears expensive clothes for any small thing!"

"So it appears that my wedding is one of the less important things."

"Oh dear Sister, I didn't mean it like that! It is just… you aren't nearly Queen." The last bit of her sentence rushes out of her mouth and she watches me cautiously to gauge my reaction.

"I am not important, compared to you?" I ask coolly.

"Oh no, you are very important… to me. But to others, perhaps not so?"

"Really?"

"Oh this is going terribly. Kagome, this is the day after my wedding, I am meant to be relaxing with my new husband. I should not be preparing my sister's marriage straight away."

"I am sorry I am such a disappointment to you. But I'll have you know it was not my idea; and now, if it is not too much trouble for an almost Queen, I would like you to leave."

Kikyo stares at me in reproach and I meet her eye. After a few seconds she turns around and leaves. The maids stare at me in a similar manner to she and they too, exit the room. How insulting! They are being paid to look after me and the rest of my family, not march away when they think that I have done the wrong thing. But that is the story of my life. I will never be right to my family. I will always be the wrong child; the fallen devil that came after an angel's birth.

Here I am walking down the aisle, about to lose my freedom forever. I have heard many women describing that they felt like an angel at their wedding. Everything about to go wonderfully and life about to become perfect. I am nowhere near feeling like a angel. In fact, if anything I feel like a prisoner being sentenced to her death sentence. But instead of having a rope attached around my neck it shall squeeze the life out of my heart instead. I look up and observe the people who bothered to attend. There are less than half the people here than there were at my sister's wedding. In the front row sit my father, who is yawning slightly, my mother, who looks mildly preoccupied, and Kouga, whose face remains impassive.

I make it to the end of the aisle without running, screaming from the room and stand beside Inuyasha. The priest begins the usual mumbles about loving each other for ever while I look Inuyasha over. His hair is shining and his chin is cleanly shaven. He wears and elegant navy suit with a white silk undershirt. What I do not understand is why he got so dressed up for a simple wedding to me of all people.

"I do," says Inuyasha suddenly. I jump; I did not realize that we were this far into the ceremony already. The priest then turns to me and asks the same question. The words hurt as they struggle out of my mouth.

"I do," I eventually make out.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride." Oh no. I turn my head slightly. Here come Inuyasha's lips. I did not want him to kiss me again. I was still recovering from the first time! But once more, his mouth does not feel unbearable atop mine. But still,this kiss is going on far too long. Why isn't he stopping? Doesn't he need to breathe?

In the end I push him away and run for the door. I know I am causing a scandal but I am past caring. I just have to get out.

I manage to make it outside before I collapse. Tears march the usual course down my cheeks. I have been crying so much lately it is beginning to feel like a usual thing. But these tears, these tears have a reason to fall. Sobs rack my body and I choke on salty water. I imagine the way I look right now and see a young woman with an ill-fitting dress and hair that might have been nice once. My eyes must be red and my nose is running. I get up and hurry out of the castle gates. I do not want to be seen like this.

I find myself in an unknown area and stare in wonder. It is horrible here. The houses are all in ruins and a wail rings through the air. I look at the ditch where the noise is coming from. Inside there is a tiny child, no more than one. It is wrapped in a torn filthy jacket and is as thin as a skeleton. Gently I pick it up; it is like a dying branch, brittle and nearly ready to snap off. I cradle it to my chest and it begins to rain. Protecting the baby I hunch my body… and then I see her: the only woman outside in this down pour. She is looking anxiously at her meager vegetable garden and I see the sickening kindness in her eyes. This woman could have been Kikyo's starved twin. They both have the same soft, dark hair hair and heart shaped face. The lady even had Kikyo's same expression. All of a sudden I want to do away with this woman. I want to punish her for being so kind.

I rip the sash of my gown and wrap the child as best as I can before placing her on the ground. Creeping up behind this woman I quietly pick up a shovel. Wouldn't it be ironic to be killed by something you love to do? I swing it at the back of her head. The satisfying thwack reaches my ears but she doesn't die. She turns in shock and the shovel meets her throat and in two sharp slices she is dead. Again, I decide to open her stomach and this time I remove her organs and scatter them carelessly on her beloved vegetables. It feels so deliciously macabre and…bad that I cannot help but laugh! The rain washes all blood off my hands. Carefully, I pick up the child and hold her to my body. Together, the two of us stare at the dead girl and I feel proud. I am an artist and, if I were to boast, this is a work of art.

"Kagome?" I turn swiftly. Kouga is standing in the rain, his fancy clothes drenched. He most have followed me from the service when I ran.

'It was the man in black again!" I cry desperately. "He shoved me to the side and I saw this girl die!"

"I am sorry you had to see that," he replies stiffly and I know that he isn't really apologizing for the murder, but for what I did. Then, I see what he is looking at… the shovel. If the man in black took the weapon for Sonoko's murder, why did he leave it this time?

"You interrupted him while he was dismembering the poor girl," I explain quickly. Kouga nods slightly.

"Of course." He offers his arm.

"Shall we go home?" I take it and am thankful he doesn't notice the little bundle I am holding so tightly to my chest.

When we arrive back at the castle I head straight to my room and dismiss all the maids there. Before I dry myself off or do anything I unwrap the sash. I marvel at how beautiful such a little creature could be. She may be only skin and bones but her skin is a light cream color and her cheeks are surprisingly rosy. Soft red down covers her scalp. When she grows older I imagine it to become scarlet.

Inuyasha enters the room and defensively I hold her closer.

"What's that," he asks curiously and he peers into my arms before recoiling almost immediately. "It's a baby!"

"She's a baby," I correct coldly. "I found her and she is mine." Inuyasha sits beside me.

"She is not too hideous," he remarks gently and reaches out to touch her cheek. "She can be our first child."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yes," he is getting in full swing now. "We can call her Inuyasu." He smiles at the little girl. "It would suit her perfectly!"

"Inuyasu?" I remark. "Certainly not, in fact she already has a name."

"What is it?"

"Calypso."

"Calypso? Do you want to torture her?"

"Would you rather we called her Lettuce?!"

"Even Despair or Murder would be better than Calypso!"

Suddenly I look down at this baby. I like that name.

"Despair." George sees where my mind is going.

"I didn't mean it! Calypso is fine!"

"No, she is my baby and I am calling her Despair." I like that name. My baby, who pulls me away from the despair of my life. Inuyasha shouts in frustration as he walks away and I cradle my new child. If Inuyasha thinks that she is our child he can carry on, but I know that she will always be mine. My own little girl.

Kikyo marches into my room imperiously the next morning and fixes me with a piercing stare.

"Inuyasha was in high spirits this morning," she says quietly. "He said that already you were a family. Have you been disrespectful, Sister?"

I am highly tempted to lie and say that yes I have tainted the family name but for some reason I cannot.

"I found her," I murmur softly. "Someone… had left her, she was going to die." Kikyo looks at me and her expression mellows.

"May I see her?" For some reason I allow her to. I want to show off my daughter. I want everyone else to see how lovely she is.

"What is her name?"

"Despair."

"Despair?! What possessed you to name her as thus?!"

"What is wrong with Despair?"

"You know that she will be teased and laughed at all her life." I shake my head.

"No, she will be feared and admired from a distance. She may never be Queen but she will hold power over everyone. Little ones will be scared and the elders slightly wary. She will be wonderful."

Kikyo stands up and hands Despair back to me.

"You are insane," she says simply. "Mad, I should have seen this earlier." Shaking her head in what looks like disgust Kikyo exits my room.

Late at night I wake up. I see the moon. It is a slash in a black sky with no stars to accompany it. One solid cut, bleeding its light onto the rest of us. I slip out of bed and walk down the stairs and outside.

The grass is dewy and wet beneath my bare feet and the air smells like rain. I walk and look at the lake. It is black and thick. Each wave that splashes onto the shore is so eager to greet me yet so slow when it drags itself back.

I walk closer. The water laps at my toes, the cold traveling right to my fingertips. I sit and my night gown fans beneath, moving with the swell of the lake. Kikyo called me mad, insane. I am not mad. I smile at my reflection and it smiles back at me. The other girl's eyes light up as if with some new idea and the both of us giggle together like old friends. We have the same secrets. Everybody says they do but ours are real. We have power. When I move my knee something pricks it and I can see blood wafting over the top of the blackness. It is so pretty. Splitting and swirling in such a beautiful dance that no one will see but me.

The blood drifts across the reflection's face and she opens her mouth laughingly. The blood collects and she swallows it. She looks so content; just sitting there as if nothing has happened. She angers me and with my hand I hit her, but my fingers pass through nothing. Still, she sits on scorning at my pathetic attempts. I begin to cry. I thought I was so good and that I could hold anyone's life in my hand but it turns out I cannot even destroy what is not there.

I reach for the thing that cut me and pull out the letter opener I used to kill Sonoko. It has been washed ashore. I take it and run to a thick oak. Saltwater blinding my eyes I slash repeatedly at the trunk. In jagged letters it spells:

I rule Death, but Death rules me.

A drop of sap falls on my finger. I lick it off and savor the flavor. It is bitter and sweet. It tastes like death. But I laugh. For the taste does not matter. I look up towards the sky. Nothing matters, for I am the moon.

A page out of Inuyasha's Journal

My wedding to Kagome, for some reason made me happy. I was upset when she spoke to other men. I fear to admit but, I think that I love her. In fact, I am most certain that I do! She frightens me a little and does not possess that grace of most women, but she is… Kagome. She is there and she is she. I love her. But I can only wish that she felt the same. She told me once more today that Kouga was her love. And it hurt. My hear ached at her words. In time I hope, that she will learn to see me as I see her. Is that too much to ask?

**A/N: So, what do you think? Please go and leave me a review! I want to know! And, don't worry, Kagome will fall in love with Inuyasha…. Eventually. But she needs a bit of help first. Anyway, thanks for reading!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	5. Chapter 5: Despair

**Chapter 5: Despair**

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! Anyway I'll just warn you know, there is going to be about a murder a chapter in this story. If you don't like things like that, don't say I didn't warn you!7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

I don't think there has ever been a lovelier person than Despair. She is the only soul in this dark world that can bring a smile to my face. She is the only soul who will ever love me. Inuyasha has decided to keep his distance from her which I find is to be preferred. He seems to be a little wary of the child, almost cautious around her. As if Despair is dangerous. He does though; seem to find it relieving that the baby has canceled out the scandal of our wedding day. Now it appears that I rescued the poor child from a horrible fate which is fairly true but those who tell it make me sound all the more heroic.

Whenever the three of us are seen together Inuyasha does make a point to smile at Despair and touch her forehead gently. He feels the need to keep up with the appearance of a loving family. It irritates me that he does. I do not want my daughter to grow up amongst false affection. I do not want her to end up like me.

The only person who doesn't seem to love her is Kikyo. Strangely, Despair seems to disgust her and she goes out of her way to avoid the child. One night I was carrying my daughter to our room when I heard her talking to some of the guest she was entertaining that night.

"It is quite disgraceful," she was saying. "For my sister to bring in such a child. Quite unsanitary, you don't know where it's been you know." She shuddered theatrically and the murmurs of agreement sounded around the room. The fury that filled my heart at that moment was almost unbearable. How dare she speak of my dear Despair in that manner! I longed to walk into that room and beat Kikyo around the head. But of course, that would be unlady-like, and I was forced to restrain myself.

But as time goes on I start to see Kikyo more and more often. But not for conversation. I often catch her out of the corner of my eye, standing in a corner, believing she cannot be seen. I find it peculiar but think no more of it than that.

Today I sit with Despair playing while she gurgles delightedly. At this point I look and see Kikyo staring into my room from the doorway. When she sees me looking she makes the pretense that she was examining the tapestry on the wall beside the entrance to my bedroom. What is she doing?

I walk along the corridors with Despair. It is late at night and she is asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. When I walk past Kikyo and Kouga's room I hear my child's name and stop to listen.

"It just is not fair," Kikyo complains.

"What is not fair, my love?" Kouga asks absentmindedly.

"That Kagome has a child," She says staring out of the window miserably. "I was meant to have that first child. People were meant to exclaim over _my_ little baby and tell me how lucky I am!"

"Irene deserves a little attention you must admit Kikyo," replies Kouga. "After all you will someday be Queen."

"Yes but… but the baby isn't even hers!" Kikyo bursts out.

"She saved it from death, it is as good as hers."

"No, I am certain that she stole it! That's the exact kind of thing my sister would have done!" Kikyo crosses over the room to her table and begins to brush her hair angrily. "I'm sure she waited until the house was empty had gone then crept in and took it! You were with her!" She now turns on Kouga. "Why did you not stop her?"

I do not want to hear anymore. I creep away seething silently. My sister hates my child only because I had her first. How could I not have noticed this before? It is just like Kikyo! Always wanting to be first and best at everything.

The next day Inuyasha insists that I go out with him to look at homes for the three of us to live in. I was happy enough in the palace but he says it is improper for two married couples to live under the same roof. It would give the impression of poverty and we cannot have that! It would completely lower our reputation.

It is mind-numbingly boring and each house grows more and more alike. The only one that I can truly see myself living in is little but perfect. It reminds of the fairy tales that were read to me by my nurse when I was little. There is a sweet thatched roof and shutters that swing outwards. A rose garden is beside the front door which has a knocker and a lovely little chimney sits on top and you can just see the smoke coming out in puffs. I know that this cottage does not match who I am in anyway but it reminds me of when I was little and I used to wish to live in such a delightful little home.

Inuyasha's perfect house is so different. It is a massive mansion with an unnecessary amount of staff and far too much gold. When we visited my cottage he turned up his nose and asked had the staff even bothered to clean. He was quite disgusted when it was announced that there was no staff. Of course it was different in the home with forty two maids, five cooks, and twenty one footmen, a butler, and seventeen servers.

"Well, which one did you think? Personally, that marvelous marble one really spoke to me." Inuyasha asks comfortably. I watch him. He can't be serious. We would be hopelessly lost on the first day.

"The cottage," I say quietly, walking towards Despair's cradle.

"That thing? It was hideous!" Inuyasha shudders in disgust. "No, we don't want to live there."

"I do." Why is my voice so quiet? Shouldn't I be angry by now?

"Are you all right?" Inuyasha has noticed too.

"I'm fine." I decide to do something I have never tried yet. I walk over to Inuyasha, sit beside him and take his hand.

"Christmas is coming," I say. "This would be such a lovely gift for me and you know that I never get any gifts." Inuyasha does not do anything but gulp and stare at our clasped hands. Gently, I withdraw mine and leave him still staring at his own palm.

On Christmas Eve he takes my hand and takes me for a walk. At the end of it we reach my cottage. It is fully furnished with a nursery. It is so wonderful that I lean over and kiss his cheek. But I regret it almost instantly. I feel as though I have betrayed Kouga.

At the Christmas party back at the palace I leave early. I go back to my cottage and just sit by the window and hold Despair. For the first time in my life, I am content.

For some absurd reason, Inuyasha insists I walk with him to the palace since he has some business to carry out there. Apparently, it is what a wife will do for her husband. When I come back I see a shadowy figure moving around in Despair's nursery. My heart travels up my throat and stays there beating and causing my breath to come in shallow puffs. Aren't the maids inside? Shouldn't they have noticed?

I creep into the house and grab a poker from the stand. Quietly, I make my way upstairs and peer into the nursery. There is Kikyo. She must have watched Inuyasha and I leave. She is standing over Despair's cradle and wrapping my baby in something. She speaks to Despair as she works and I hear every word uttered.

"There now dear," she croons. "I'm sure your mother is looking for you. She must be frantic with worry. It wasn't right to be stolen away was it?" She gazes at the child with an angelic smile on her lips. "Nobody would throw you away now would they? No they would not."

A floor board creaks under my foot and Kikyo looks up sharply. No longer bothered with talking she swiftly gathers Despair into her arms and exits the room. She does not see me and I follow as silently as possible.

She runs into a maid along the way and the young girl's eyes grow wide as she takes in the picture. I wait for her to halt Kikyo but instead she smiles and curtseys slightly before hurrying along down the hallway. We meet another maid and she too averts her eyes. This is despicable.

Kikyo makes it outside and pulls a hood over her hair. She walks hurriedly to the poorer area of the Western Lands. Still, I follow her, hiding between each house when she looks around. I wonder where she is heading since time has long since passed when I found Despair but of course Kikyo was not present at that time. I know this area better than she does but it is common knowledge where the local orphanage is and that is obviously where she is headed.

We pass by a pub and Kikyo cringes delicately at the noises sounding from within it. We hear the sound of glass breaking and although it does not bother me you can tell that my sister is becoming frightened. She has stopped moving and sits on the other the other side of the street quivering. A young boy is sent flying out where he lies on the ground unmoving. I see Kikyo's eyes grow wider and wider and she begins to shake violently. A woman is walking along the road and when she sees the boy on the ground she lets out a blood curdling shriek and rushes to his side. She looks up and notices the fine clothes on Kikyo's body.

"Why do you not change things?" she screams and rushes off still holding her son's body. Now Kikyo is crying. Massive glistening tears roll down her cheeks and she gulps in an undignified way.

When no more sounds leave the pub she stands up shakily and stands clutching my child. Suddenly a man shoots out of the doors and everything slows down. Kikyo screeches and throws her arms in the air. Another yell pierces the street. It is the sound if my baby. I watch as she falls back to the ground and onto her head, toppling over slowly. Kikyo stares in horror at the little body and looking around quickly gathers her shawl around her before rushing away.

When she has left I walk to Despair. I feel like I am in a dream. Everything is so thick and… slow. Then, Despair moves and I am by her side as quickly as anything. She is still alive but only just. I can still save her. I could not trust the physicians at the palace if the maids do not care when someone steals a baby, but there is a hospital on the other side of this town. I will have to make my way there.

Halfway to the hospital I stop and check on Despair. Her head dangles limply on her neck and her lips are blue. She is not breathing and she has no heartbeat. I don't know what to do. There is nothing to do except leave her here. I could not go back to the palace with a dead daughter. I cannot risk being put in suspicion once more.

I am about to put her on the ground when I hear two female voices.

"I can't believe that I put her down now!" One cries shrilly. "And now she's gone!"

"There, there, we'll probably find her," the other voice soothes. I have never met these women before but somehow I know that one of them is Despair's mother. And now Despair is dead.

Both women come into view and I assume that the one in tears is the Mother.

"It's okay Aki. Now, let's split up to look for her." says the friend.

"Thank you Siko," says Aki. I feel a touch of anger at her sorrow. They set off on their separate ways and I remain hidden till I can no longer hear their cries. I move along the street staying in the shadows and flinching at any noise. I find a nice deep ditch where I can lay Despair and hopefully leave before she is found. Just as I am slipping my arms from beneath her body I hear a shrill scream. I turn and there is Aki, her face chalky white and authentic tears racing towards her chin. I stand quickly. She has to stay quiet. I make a move towards her and suddenly stop. I do not know why I am listening to my thoughts but I realize that I am not trying to shush Aki so that I will not be found, but because I do not want her to wake my baby. I look back at the ditch; yes, my darling is sleeping, sound asleep, so asleep that not even that shriek could wake her. I laugh quietly. When Despair wakes up, I will tell her that I love her; I don't tell her that often enough. Then Aki wails again and my head snaps up in anger. How dare she disturb my love when she is sleeping!

I pull a small knife out of the folds of my gown. I have taken to carrying one with me since my second murder. It was all so fast and in one moment Elizabeth is at my feet and the blade in my hand is running with dark liquid. I crouch to carry out the tradition of my murders when another sharp sound pierces the air. I sigh; I am so tired of screaming right now. Why is everyone doing it?

I straighten myself and turn around to face Siko whose mouth is wide open. This is so immensely frustrating. In another second Siko is also on the floor and I am slicing at her stomach. Again, I take some of her organs and toss them into someone's garden. I laugh at this, after all, I must keep up with tradition. I am about to do Elizabeth when I feel someone watching me. I spin around and see a small girl of about twelve watching me. There is no fear in her eyes but worry.

Her mouth is open wide in shock. She does not think to even cry at this death. I feel like I know what she feels. It is all too fast, just too fast.

"Are you going to tell anyone?" I ask, standing upright, disorientated by the unwelcome distraction.

"Of course I am!" Her voice is shrill and she is gasping unevenly. "You killed them!" She turns to run.

I race after her and snatch hold of her arm and whisper in her ear. "I am afraid that you will not be able to do that." She looks at me questioningly. My knife slips between her ribs. "You see, it is very hard to tell someone, when you are dead." I say calmly and I enjoy the shocked look on her face as her life dances away. I take her body and throw it in the River Sakura. She will sink and no one will find her.

I turn and head back to Despair. It is too late, people will suspect me again. I look at my knife still on the ground. It has so much blood on it; will a little more do it harm? I lay my Despair beside me and press the knife to my belly. I pull and pain rips through me. Looking at the gash I know if someone finds me it will not be enough to kill me. Fear had made my hand weak. I also know that someone will find me, they always do.

I am on the ground and the knife is just a little too far away from my fingers. I try to move but I can't. I hurt so much. I let my arm drop on my child and I look at what I have done. Despair's broken neck, Catherine and Elizabeth's slit throats, my opened stomach. I chuckle, before you die, it is nice to know what you accomplish. Breathing is becoming more difficult and I can feel myself detaching from my body. Black spots dance before my eyes and laugh at me mockingly. Just before my mind floats away I hear voices.

"The two women are gone…"

"Despair's dead too, looks like a broken neck poor thing…"

"Hello who's this then…"

"Good Lord its Kagome!"

"Kagome!" I recognize this voice. It is Inuyasha's. He speaks some more. "Is… Is she dead too?"

"Nah, she's alive but barely. A nasty gash on her stomach; she'll be lucky if she survives." Hmmm, perhaps I did a better job than a thought. I feel myself being lifted into the air and the pain of the motion makes me want to cry out but it is impossible for cause of the blood that is clogging my throat. Nothing happens after that.

When I open my eyes everything is blurry and I have to shut them again to keep from fainting. As they come into focus I move them slowly, taking in the scene. Inuyasha is sitting by my side looking tired and hungry. My hand is clasped in his and some automatic part of me jerks away. On the other side of the room sits Kikyo. She stares at me her eyes wide and filled with tears. Beside her sits Kouga whose own face is impassive as he looks down on me. I avert my eyes, embarrassed for some reason.

"Kagome! You're awake!" Inuyasha's voice sounds as though I am listening to it from a distance. I hear him cry with relief and the sound penetrates the thick feeling that is wrapped around my head. I try to sit up and wince. Why does my stomach hurt so?

I stare around at all these faces and try to speak but my voice is cracked and dry. An anonymous hand passes me water and I drink slowly.

"Wh…Where's Despair?" I manage. Everybody looks at me and move to talk quietly with the physician. I only heard snippets of their conversation.

"Doesn't remember a thing…"

"She knows who we are."

"Yes, but she has no recollection of the incident."

"I think she knows more than she is letting on."

"Kouga, how could you say such a thing?"

"Actually, I truly think it is memory loss. Unfortunately though, it is only temporary."

At those words things begin to slowly trickle back into my mind. Two women, dead at my feet, another girl her eyes open, forever watching the filthy water of the Sakura. My breath comes in a gasp as I remember the most crucial moment. I see Kikyo, I see Despair. Despair is falling to the ground. She lands and her body lolls around unmoving. I see Kikyo look at my dead daughter's body and just walk away… she just walked away.

My eyes move towards her and the difference is amazing. That woman is not beautiful. She is hideous and not just in my eyes. I had always been awed by her power and collection and have never seen her properly. But this woman, this woman is a monster. She revolts me.

Now, even at a young age some of her curls are turning grey. Her chin is showing a hint of a second one. Her lips are growing thinner and you can tell that she is being weighed down a little by her weight. For once I consider smiling. Her comeuppance is arriving.

"Do you remember anything more?" Inuyasha is again sitting beside me.

"T…There was someone in black. He was killing t…two women. A girl went up to him. She died too. H...he threw her in the river."

"Why were you there?" the doctor pries gently.

"I…I went home after walking Inuyasha to the palace. I saw a lady taking Despair." I stare straight into Kikyo's eyes when I say this and she shudders ever so slightly. "I was afraid that if I jumped at her she would take Despair's life."

"Who was this woman?" Inuyasha asks and I can see barely restrained anger in his eyes. I look back at Kikyo and say, "I couldn't know; she was wearing a hood."

"Just carry on," Kouga prompts softly.

"So I followed this woman and she went towards the poorer area of the city. A drunken man came out of the pub and startled her. She dropped Despair. M-my baby f-fell on her head!" With these words Kikyo draws in her breath swiftly. She recovers herself in time, but not before I notice it. I carry on.

"The lady left quickly after that and when I went to my darling I noticed she was still alive. I decided to take her to a doctor on the other side of the area."

"Why did you not take her here?" questions Inuyasha.

"I don't know. I didn't think I could trust him. B-but on the way D-Despair d-d-died! I didn't know what to do with her so I decided to bury her. So I found a ditch…"

"What about the two other women?" interrupts Kouga.

"While I was burying Despair I saw that figure in black again! He had just killed one woman and was about to cut into her when another surprised him. He had to kill the other too and was able to finish his murder that time. Then the girl came up. I heard her. Maybe she knew one of the women. He had to kill her too but this time he just threw her in the river. He then noticed me. In my fright I had dropped Despair's body. I did not know what he was doing until his knife was in my stomach."

"We have been informed that the knife in question was yours," accuses the physician.

"I am not sure. I did not really see. But mine did go missing a few days ago. Ask the maids who clean my room if you do not believe me." This does actually prove my innocence. I have been sleeping with that knife as well and when the maids asked if I knew of its whereabouts I replied with a negative.

I suddenly feel extraordinarily tired and I just want to be alone. The physician notices that and ushers everybody out.

"My patient needs peace and quiet, she will not heal properly with everyone crowding around her." He is about to leave as well until I speak.

"Doctor?" He turns.

"Yes?"

"Was Despair truly dead or was she at least… alive… for a little longer." I say the last bit in a hurry knowing that if she was alive now she would be in my arms. All I can hope is that she lived for just a little longer than I thought. The doctor shakes his head.

"I am sorry Princess Kagome but your baby had been dead for a while by the time we got to you." With those words he turns and walks away from the room.

I lie on one side and stare at the wall. There is a difference between sad and miserable. Many would say that if they had to pick it would be sad. I would rather miserable. Misery is when you can yell and scream and sob. You can let out all your pain and people will sympathize with you. When you are sad it strikes so much more deeply. It is not a pain that you feel wrenching through you like a knife. But a pain that slowly grows. You feel it rising, choking you. It won't stop until perhaps you feel you can only stop it with death.

I close my eyes and lie on one side. No tears slide down my cheeks. No, sadness is too deep for tears; it is too deep for anything.

For the next few days I am too weak to move much and spend most of my time staring out of my window. Inuyasha spends every waking minute with me, trying to hold my hand, offering games of chess. I ignore him and eventually he gives up but the next day it starts all over again. The doctor tries to make him leave and for this I am thankful but unfortunately all his attempts draw blanks. Inuyasha just will not leave.

The doctor is telling everyone that it is depression. I am filled with sorrow from the loss of my child. That is why I am not eating, drinking, or doing anything. I know that it is not depression though. Sometimes I even forget I ever had a daughter. The reason I do not eat or drink or anything is because I am disappointed. I tried to kill myself. I didn't work. I have murdered so many people by now but it is impossible for me to just take a small knife and put it into my heart. So this is now my second attempt. Maybe if I do not eat I could perhaps join the daughter I once loved.

One day I am finally well enough to get up and Inuyasha takes that as a sign that I can eat. He forces food into my mouth and when he believes that I am full he declares we are going to the castle. I thought it was because he was so proud of my well being that he wants to show me off but it turns out that Kouga and Kikyo have organized a large lunch in honor of some excellent news.

I get dressed slowly much to the agitation of my husband. The minute I am ready he snatches my hand and drags me out the door where a carriage is waiting for us. He has obviously prepared.

When we reach the palace we are late and everyone can see us come in, both of us sit silently and take the food offered by the staff. We all carry on eating and gradually the attention on us fades and everyone starts talking about the great news this feast has been prepared about.

Eventually, Kouga stands up and taps the side of his glass. The room quiets down and everyone listens.

"I am sure you are all desperate to hear what Kikyo and I have asked you here about." Many nod but the room stays suspiciously silent.

"Well," Kouga takes Kikyo's hand. "It is my honor to say that Kikyo is expecting a child." Gasps echo around the room and an excited clamor breaks out. Kikyo looks in my direction and I meet her eyes.

She stands up beside her husband and smiles sheepishly. Again, our gaze connects and I see in her eyes that she knows what I will do.

I will take revenge. Kikyo will die.

A page out of Inuyasha's Journal

Misery seems to haunt my wife like a ghost will haunt a gravesite. Somebody tried to kill her the other day! Unfortunately, Despair also died. Kagome sank into a depression. She wouldn't eat or drink and was beginning to look dastardly thin. I do not understand why this man in black continues to murder in front of my wife. So far, she has witnessed four of his deeds. I suppose that this one was the last straw. He tried to kill her and (I am guessing) accidently killed Despair. (Kagoem's story was more than a little garbled.) Then, Kouga announced Kikyo's pregnancy. I know that Kagome still loves Kouga. I shall have to watch her carefully. I often fear for her life.

**A/N: Well, that may have been four deaths and an almost death in one chapter! Cheerful stuff isn't it? Please persevere! This may be an unhappy story but I can promise that it will have a good ending! Review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	6. Chapter 6: Fury

Chapter 6: Fury

**A/N: Ok so, in my edited version of the story (which I don't have with me) I did actually have a piece about Despair's real mother, but when I was re-writing this one I forgot to put this piece in. Sorry! I will do that now. It will make more sense with this.**

**And in answer to some questions: The kind of rivalry between Kikyo and Kagome will be explained later in the story.**

**You don't really need a reason to fall in love. You just do. And Inuyasha never really loved Kikyo, he was in love with the thought of being King. Kagome is more interesting to him.**

**And basically, she killed the other women because she was insane. If you read in the last chapter she does not want them to wake her baby up, because she has decided that Despair is not dead but sleeping. The other have to die in order to be shut up.**

**Thank you Rykere, for your advice and questions. They are helping me with editing!**

_A Piece about Despair's Mother_

_ The morning my baby was born it was cold. Such a detail I probably could have forgotten but it is the one that sticks with me most. She was a girl, such a hardship in these times. My husband told me to leave her. She would not be able to work as hard as our sons nor as early. We had little enough food as it was. But I could not. She was my daughter, she was my child. I could not simply abandon her!_

_ But as time went on reality became more and more difficult to ignore. My baby was starving. We did not have enough food and I had hardly enough time to care for her properly. I had to let her go._

_ I wrapped her in a coat. I am not quite sure why for my aim was for her to die as quickly as possible. I lay her down in a ditch and made to walk away. My baby began to cry. The sound cut through the rain of the day and stabbed into my heart. I hated the world at that moment. Why could it not let me love my child in peace?!_

_ So I hid. I sat against a wall and listen to my daughter's wails. But suddenly…they stopped. I turned my head to see another woman holding my child. The woman was dressed in a finely made white gown that slipped off one shoulder awkwardly. I felt a strange sense of relief. Would she look after my daughter?_

_ I heard a sound and the woman and I turned our heads at the same time. Keiko stood outside her home, looking at her garden. She was one of those people. The one who loves and tries to care for all. Turning my attention back to the richer woman I saw her stiffen. She laid my daughter back on the ground and walked towards Keiko._

_ She killed her. What was she doing?! She was killing her! I began to make a move forwards but stopped as another man showed up. He looked very familiar. Where had I seen him before? He watched the woman who noticed and desperately tried to defend herself. He did not appear to believe her but said no more. They left then, they left with my baby. But just before they turned a corner a caught a glimpse of the woman's face. It was her, it was her! Princess Kagome. I had heard rumors speaking of how death followed her in a cloud! She was dangerous! She could not take care of my daughter! _

_ I spent days after that trying to make my way into the palace. I spent weeks waiting at the gates hoping to see the Princess come out. But she did not, or if she did she was never alone. I could not get my daughter back from her._

_ One day I realized that I would not get far searching for her by myself. So I turned to Siko. She agreed to help and the two of us left together. It was Siko's idea to search the streets. She said that there had not been much recent news of my daughter. Perhaps the Princess had become bored and abandoned her once more. It was not a plausible idea but worth a try._

_ It took days before I found the Princess once more. She was laying my daughter in a ditch as I had done earlier. But this time there was something different, something in the way my baby's head lolled to one side. I caught sight of her lips, blue and slack. She was dead. _

_ My mouth opened and I screamed without thinking. Princess Kagome looked towards me and stood up. She looked strangely angry, as if she were blaming me for something. She came closer and closer and I did not back away._

_ I almost felt as if I was out of my body. I watched the Princess stab me. I watched myself fall. I watched myself die. I found it quite ironic. Perhaps this was my comeuppance for leaving my daughter to freeze…_

**(Does that make it better? Any less confusing?)**

Every compliment given to Kikyo seems to hurt her as much as it pains me. If I am in the room I will find that her eyes are often upon mine. Each time that happens I place a smile upon my lips and mask the hurt in my gaze as best as I can. That seems to frighten her more than anything. Eventually I feel the need to do something. Something, that could perhaps betray a little of my plans. Just enough, just enough to let her know that I am not at all safe to be alone with. Just enough to scare her. To let her know I am serious.

"I am sorry sister, that I have not yet congratulated you on your condition," I say sweetly. I drop my head a little to act as though I am embarrassed by my actions. "But, you know that I just lost my own child quite recently." I laugh softly. "It had quite jumped from my mind that you and Kouga were about to be parents." Her reaction is exactly what I had expected.

Kikyo looks at me and tries to keep her face as smooth as possible but there are tell-tale marks that portray her discomfort. Her mouth that is pulled into an unnatural pucker. The very slight twitching of her eye. And the obvious red that begins to barely darken her cheeks.

"Thank you," she murmurs. "You are too kind."

"Not at all," I insist. "A thing like this should be celebrated. I turn to walk away but stop. Even without looking I know that she still listens. I add softly, so softly that she is forced to strain her ears to hear.

"I am sure you will be glad to know that I remember seeing a bit of Despair's kidnapper's face. But I am afraid of telling someone." I turn back and look my sister straight in the eye. "You are so kind I am sure that you would beg me to keep this… a secret. We don't want the person to be found do we?"

With those words I exit the room leaving Kikyo standing in the middle of it, hopefully, more frightened than ever. It is the small things that seem to be the most fun.

My plan does indeed go slightly astray later when Kikyo enters my bedroom. Her back is poker straight and does not sit.

"What is it that you want?" she asks coldly. I am confused at first but then I realize that she must think I was threatening her. The notion is so ridiculous that I have to laugh out loud.

"I want nothing," my smile swiftly turns cool.

"Then why…" she is confused.

"Nothing can be everything can it not?" Another giggle breaks through my mouth. My sister stares at me in confusion. "I want nothing from you but everything from the world; I want nothing from the world but the everything you own."

"What happened to you?" she suddenly cries. "You used to be lovely sister! But now you are just…just insane!" She walks quickly from the room and leaves me alone. I catch sight of myself in my mirror and am startled to find that her description is not far off.

My smile is still stuck on my face and my eyes are wild. My fists are clenched and when I laughed, I must have made a terrifying sight. Is it wrong of me to feel a touch proud?

It is the next day and Kikyo has been avoiding me like I am a disease she does not wish to catch. If only it were the same for Inuyasha. He watches me warily as though I might suddenly break down and need a comforting male presence. He wishes I would need a comforting male presence.

The thought is amusing. I will never need a comforting anyone. Any comfort, if I ever need it, will simply have to come from myself. It is weak to rely on others because some day they will not be there and then what would I do? No, it is best to stay by myself in times like this.

I give Inuyasha the same treatment that I had first bestowed on Kikyo. I smile at him and wait on his needs. He enjoys it but even he has the intelligence to be suspicious. He knows that I am not a maternal figure and simpering over him is simply not in my character.

When I am not trying to persuade people of my sanity I sit in my window and watch the world go by. I like it. I like seeing other's lives and making it up for them. There is a man who leaves his house at the same time every day, always with a slightly relieved look on his face. I imagine that he has quite a difficult wife; and a harsh day earning money, that she spends, is easy compared to what he bears inside his own home.

There is a beggar woman who stands on the corner of our street. She interests me only because she reminds of my past. When I was but a young girl, untouched by the horrors that surround me now. It also catches my eye that the man next door seems to have a strange fondness of her. Each day he will, without a fail, stop to talk to her. He always has a spare coin and never leaves without a formal handshake. It almost touches me that he seems to prefer her company than that of his never seen wife.

One day though, I notice something different about the woman. She has always been growing thinner, but today, she seems so weak that she can barely stand. Her flesh has melted off her bones. I watch as a coughing fit shakes her. Blood falls from her open mouth as she pauses gasping for breath.

In the space of a week I am watching her dead body fall to the ground.

I think nothing of this. All of those poorer than us die quickly anyway. It is too be expected.

My worry is refreshed when I see the man next door coughing as well. I wait, and as I predicted, he also collapses on his way down the road. I do not need a closer look to check his breathes. I look at the window of his home and note the quivering hand holding the parting in his curtain. I watch the hand shake one final time, and then slide down. It would take a wise man to know that the house is now devoid of life.

Several days later Inuyasha arrives home. "Kagome?" he calls for me. I stand from my window to go and welcome him, and then I hear his groan.

Cautiously, I watch him from the top of our staircase. He is slumped against the banister, and when he lifts his head, I see that ruby red drop prominent on his pale chin. The illness. It is the illness.

I turn and run, run upstairs to my room and lock the door, no one can hurt me, no one must hurt me. I cannot leave now!

"Kagome?" Again I hear Inuyasha's plea for help. The servants accompany him to bed. The fools, mustn't they know what will happen to them?

It is the next day… and a consumption epidemic has been announced.

Days go by, I never leave my room. I do not accept food or water from the kitchens, but if I must I take a little from the tiny store I kept up here myself. The temptation to eat all the cheese and every lump of stale bread is overwhelming, but I must restrain myself for I do not know the length of this epidemic. It would not do to run out of food and die anyway. Not after all this.

It has just reached the world that the Crown Princess Kikyo has also been struck down with this terrible illness, as well as her mother and father. This opens my eyes to a new possibility. Inuyasha is also weak with this consumption. If he and my sister were to die, that would open up a new world of possibilities filled mainly with Kouga.

A week has passed yet, irritatingly, Inuyasha refuses to withhold his grip on life; there is no news of Kikyo.

After four weeks of being shut in my bedroom a footman comes. Inuyasha is requesting my presence apparently, and since he is much better I am permitted to see him.

When I enter his room he is propped up by several pillows in his bed. He looks at me, his eyes big and mournful in his thin face. He has lost much weight since I last saw him. Gone is the round, slightly chubby face. It is now replaced with gaunt cheeks and a puckered mouth.

"Kagome," his voice is nothing more than a rasp. He motions for me to sit on the chair on the other side of his bed.

"I was afraid," he begins. "That you would be worried about me. So the minute I was well enough, I sent for you to rid you of your caution."

A small unconscious part of me laughs. Being ill certainly has not humbled him at all. I stop for a second. Why was I amused by such a thing? I did not miss his narcissism. Not in the slightest! In fact- I push all these thoughts away and focus on what Inuyasha is telling me.

A lot has changed since I locked myself away. Half of our staff has died and quarter of the remaining has left us. This is of no great surprise considering the misfortune that befell our home. The ones who left were intelligent.

After a long recount of four weeks in bed I eventually leave. I make my way back to my window and look outside. I feel sad. Not because of Inuyasha, but because of the man and the beggar woman. It was like a tragic love story. But in this case, it was of friendship. Friendship was what killed them both, or at least the man. Friendship would never kill me. If anyone killed me it would probably be more out of spite than anything else.

The next day a horse rides up outside our house. It is a fine horse with an even finer rider. He dismounts and looks up at the building. My heart leaps, for the face staring up at me is that of Kouga's. He notices my face and his mouth curves into a smile. I leave my room and run down stairs just as he is being let in. Before I appear before him I pause. He must not see me with the look of an overexcited child.

I tidy my hair as best as I can, and reposition my face into an acceptable expression. I walk smoothly onto the visiting room where Kouga still stands not yet out of his coat. He turns, and again! There is that smile.

He gives another laugh and his coat slips from his fingers to the ground. In bending to pick it up he knocks a vase from the table where it cracks into two on the floor.

"Forgive me Irene!" He reaches to pick the vase and hold a piece in each hand. "I will get you another one."

"It doesn't matter," I reply. "Mistakes happen." I raise my head to see Kouga looking at me strangely. He takes a step closer to me.

"It is very easy Kagome, to make mistakes around you." He is so close now that I can feel his breath on my face. He comes even closer. My eyes fall closed almost by themselves. Kouga's lips touch mine ever so softly, and then stronger. It is beautiful, marvelous, magnificent!

But then… I pull away. Why? Why do I stop the man who I have always loved from kissing me. Kouga does not move, his eyes untroubled by what has happened.

"I am sure you will be happy to know that Kikyo is … I wish I could say the same for your parents." With those words, a smile, and an improper wink he is gone, leaving my heart melting as his grin stains itself into my memory. Then his words hit me, what was wrong with my parents?

It is true; both of my parents are dead. Why is this hurting me so? They never cared for me or I for them. But they were my parents. You always have to feel a connection to your parents. It seems to be the rule for living.

After a few weeks and an illness caused miscarriage Kikyo is deemed fit enough for a funereal and thus our parents is arranged. It seems hugely unfortunate that the two people I would love most to be rid of have survived, yet the ones that I always took for granted are now gone.

When I was little I had so many pets that I used to ignore and simply find a nuisance. Then, they would die and I would realize how much I loved them. I would never have thought that I could compare that insignificant thing with my parents. But that is how it is for every child. You think your parents will always be there for you… until they aren't.

At the funeral, everyone wears black as to be expected, but there is no weeping. The silence hangs over everybody's heads. It is thick, suffocating, as though it wishes to take many others along with my mother and father.

The priest drones on with the usual drivel of loving parents, wonderful king and queen. It makes you think that dying isn't so bad. When you are dead everybody remembers the good in you instead of the bad. They will cry from your departure and if they laugh, it will be with your past rather than at it. Everyone could have mourned a half crazed killer if he died soon enough.

Kikyo stands to give her speech. Her face is thinner and paler than I remembered it being and her torso and odd shape from the loss of her child.

"My parents," she pauses to allow a thin tear to trek its way down her cheek. "My parents were very dear to me. They taught on how to rule the country in a proper manner. Oh, they taught me everything! It is very sad that they have now departed from this world. But now, I shall do my best to rule this country as well as, if not even better, they have over the past years." She lifts her face to the heavens, miserable defiance written in her expression. "I wish that I could have been able to have their grandchild. I wish they could have known that they were still to be the parents of a proud mother. But we cannot decide fate can we?" Kikyo smiles sadly at the crowd and sits down again.

I should really have expected that she would make the speech all about herself but still, it comes as a little bit of a shock. It is now my turn to speak. As I make my way up the aisle I can practically feel the disapproval of my speech already. I turn to face everyone, and begin.

"I never knew my parents. They were never there, and for that I resent them. But now, they are gone, and I realize that there will never be a possibility of them being there ever again. And now I see that I had the chance to speak to them too. I was always too cross to consider that it was my fault also. That I played a major role in our distant relationship." My voice sticks in my throat slightly but I ignore it. "Shakespeare once wrote: Cowards die many times before their death; the valiant never taste of death but once. I think that this is my first death. And I hope that the pain of my first will prevent me from many others. There are some people who believe that life is all pretty and curly and displayed to you in all its polished glory." Tears are pouring down my cheeks now. "but I know that life is thrown at you in its torn and dirty apparel. What's beautiful is what you do with this life. You only have one, if you break it once you will not be handed another to try again. Sew up that tear yourself. It will not be perfect, but it might be a little better. That is what I will try and do with my parents. When I next see them that hole shall be sewn. It will not be erased, but it will provide more space… to start again."

With those words I head back to my spot beside Inuyasha. My cheeks are pale and streaked with tears, but my head is high and for that I am thankful. When the funeral ends I will go home immediately.

There are many tears that, I think, need tending to.

A page out of Inuyasha's Journal

Kagome gave an excellent speech today at her parent's funeral. I think that their death shook her a little more than anticipated. Throughout my illness I found myself rather wishing that Kikyo and Kouga might catch said infliction thus clearing the path for Kagome and I. After all, with no Kouga there is no one left save me for Kagome to love. With her being second in line to the throne, the two of us would then become King and Queen. I found myself thinking how nice and simple that would be. But alas, it must remain and illness fogged dream.

**A/N: How many people are thinking that Kouga is a really really bad person right now? Anyway, please review! I hope that this chapter is better.**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	7. Chapter 7: Obsession

Chapter 7: Obsession

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

It is official. My sister shall be queen. The ceremony may not happen just yet because she is not prepared, but you can see her complete and utter delightedness in this change of events. Her eyes glitter every time she sees her crown and she enters into every lesson to become a Queen wholeheartedly.

She does not need to relearn poise and conversation because, of course, that was hammered into us when we were young, but she does need to know how to keep a conversation and avoid political arguments. Arguments seem to have a main hold in this area. Kikyo must settle arguments between peasants and possibly even lords. According to her tutors this could be violent, even life threatening.

I am also forced through these lessons lest my sister die, and I would be forced to accept her place. These words often depict beautiful visions in my mind but I must force them down as of now.

Inuyasha seems ecstatic that I am also participating in this ridiculous pastime. He claims it will help later on in my future.

"You never know when she might die," he informs me one night. "You need to know what to do so that you and I can take over as quickly as possible."

This makes me laugh. "Inuyasha, you know that if Kikyo dies Kouga will stay in his throne and I shall just fill hers!" His face falls slightly and when he speaks again his voice has a sullen edge to it.

"Providing Kouga has survived whatever killed Kikyo." This makes me wonder. What does he mean by that? Aren't I the one that will kill Kikyo? Why would I also kill Kouga?

Every time I see Kikyo now I am filled with the urge to just end her life. I am tired of hearing her annoying little voice day after day. If only ears had the same lids that so assist the eyes. Yes, I have to close my eyes whenever I see her just to keep my hands away from her throat.

"Sister, do you have a head ache?" Kikyo has been more cautious around me since I last threatened her a few weeks ago.

"Just a slight one," I reply keeping my eyelids firmly down.

"It must be quite bad," she carries on. "To not have the strength to look at me."

I sigh and simply lean back in my chair again.

"Princess Kagome, if two lords came to you, each one claiming the same bit of land, what would you do?" inquires Lady Kagura, mine and Kikyo's tutor. I cannot stand her either. She is the picture of primness. I find it difficult to get along with anyone these days.

Her hair is a thick black and falls from her bun at the back of her head to hang in perfect strands around her face, which of course is just as lovely. She has a slender figure incased in only the finest of fabrics. Her delicate features and complete self-awareness sickens me.

"Apologize to them of my incompetence, and then pass them off to my sister," I reply tiredly.

"This would be if your sister were to tragically die," says Kagura tersely.

"Then, I would simply split the land and give them half each."

"Ah, that is exactly what you must do Princess, but it looks too easy. First, you must interrogate them on who owned the land first. Let them complain and accuse for a while and then step in with that suggestion. If the Queen makes things look to simple people will stop coming to her for advice and then where will we be?" Kagura smiles at me patronizingly. "I would have expected you to know that dear."

I stand up and head towards the door. "I do now." I can see that my response has taken her by surprise. I know that if she were me, she would instantly have claimed that she knew that that was the exact right answer. But I am not her, and she is not me. I leave the room.

Inuyasha meets me on the stairs. "How was it?" he asks.

"Fine," I snap back and brush past him to carry on down. There is no hiding from it now. I really need to kill my sister.

Those words are easier said than done. Kikyo is constantly surrounded be admirers, dress makers, maids, and tutors. One can hardly get close enough to her rather than quietly kill her. I realize that she is doing this on purpose. She knows that she cannot trust me and carefully surrounds herself with as many courtiers as possible.

My life slowly becomes more and more tortuous. I sometimes feel like it is being slowly torn from me. I am not allowed one chance to enjoy it; I must watch it waste away in silence.

Kagura does not make it any easier. She relishes in my pain and works to worsen it every time we are near. She has a strange and deep hatred for me. One that I do not understand, if she wanted to be queen all this time, wouldn't she hate my sister? But no, she loves Kikyo with the same depth that she despises me. It is sickening when they are in the same room as each other to watch her fawn over Kikyo's every command and rush to help whenever she is, and not needed.

One day, I am standing alone in my room. Kikyo has insisted that Inuyasha and I stay in the palace until her coronation. I am not sure if this is done out of fear or vanity. She probably would love to have as many people possible notice how powerful she has become.

The world outside her is so different to the one I have now got used to. Here, the palace gardens spread for miles so that the only company I can watch is the guards as they change. It is the same every day and at the same time. The only differences I notice are the different ladies that gossip as they walk along the paths; but as I cannot hear what they say that holds little interest as well.

Kagura catches me one day. I still do not understand her apparent dislike of this habit of mine.

"Princess, royalty does not spy," she informs me.

"I was not spying," is my reply.

"Whether you were or not, what you are seen doing can and will be held against you."

"Then perhaps it is better that I am not Queen."

"I would like you to be Queen maybe even less than you do. But, I am performing my duty to try and help you. Although all my help you repeatedly ignore."

"Kagura," I say quietly. "Go away."

"That is a fine example of all that gratitude," she complains some more. "As I have said, I offer you advice and in return you try to be rid yourself of me!"

"You will regret it if you do not leave now," I speak even more slowly and retrieve a knife from my drawer. Nobody knows that I have it so, hopefully, I shall be safer this time.

"I do not know why I even bother trying to…" her voice trails off as she catches sight of my weapon. She tries to speak again. "Y-You wouldn't."

"Lady Kagura," I say calmly, oh how I relish the calmness of my tone. "I believe I have dissmissed you." With those words I kill her. So simply, so softly. Sound is dulled as her body falls to the ground. Blood runs in great torrents from her chest. I laugh. I kneel beside her body and dabble my fingers in her blood. I splash and play like a child in a puddle but suddenly reality strikes at me. What am I doing?

I hurry as quickly as I can to the other side of my room and look back at the scarlet corpse behind me and feel a rush of anger. How dare she? How dare she trick me?!

I return to her side and pick my knife up again. With fury in my heart I lash out at her with all my might. One arm, and then another is gone, both legs, and now…

It does not happen with quite the dramatic sweep I intended and I have to deliver several blows before Kagura's head is fully off. It rolls away to the corner of the room.

I walk over and pick it up. Her face is still frozen in fright, her eyes wide, and her mouth slightly opened. I lean gently over and place my cheek against her's. I whisper softly into her lifeless ear.

"Lady Kagura, you wished for me to become my sister." My voice turns hard. "Do not compare me to her, to that… to that witch!" I pull her head away and very lightly kiss her cheek. I do it politely, the way she taught me to. I cradle her head in one arm and sit on my bed. What should I do with this? I cannot keep it.

Why shouldn't I? It is, after all, my trophy. But how would I preserve it. I have heard of in some strange country they shrink the heads of their victims but I was never informed of the details. It was too harsh for my delicate ears apparently. They must dry it somehow. I can't do that. A maid would notice if a head was being hung out of my window.

Don't cooks preserve meats and vegetables through pickling? I look at my head thoughtfully. Humans are made of meat too, aren't they?

I fetch as much vinegar as possible from the kitchen and earn many strange looks as the men ordered to carry that and a large jar to my rooms do so. Ah well, they seem to be used to me by now.

Once all the material is positioned in my room I pour the contents of the vinegar bottles into the jar. I then drop Kagura's head in also and lock it in a cupboard. I take the key and string it on a ribbon around my neck. Kagura is my secret.

I run outside and carefully bury her arms and legs around the roots of a tree. I do not think it would be possible to hide her torso there also.

As quickly as I possibly can I fetch a black cloak from my wardrobe and drape it over my being. I clutch Kagura's body in my arms and, ignoring the blood staining my cloak a rusty red, hurry down into the garden and rush into the darkness.

I cross over to Pinchin Street. The railway arch is a little way a way and I am wondering where to hide Kagura. A footstep startles me. The familiar whistle of a policeman pierces through the thick fog like a knife. Just one sound, in the huge expanse of nothing. The whistle enters my body takes a hold of my soul.

How do you whistle? I pucker my lips and blow. I have seen men do it and it seems simple. No sharp blow comes out though. Merely, a moan. But I like it. It is long and mournful compared to the clarity of the policeman's. His stops swiftly and I then realize what I have done.

I move to stand beneath the railway bridge and hold my breath. The footsteps come closer and closer, moving with slow and careful precision. They stop and his breath is loud in the white silence. He begins to walk again, closer and closer. I can no longer take it. I throw the body to the ground and run.

"Stop!" he has seen me and I only run faster. My heavy cloak gets in the way and I trip my head banging into a stone. I can taste the blood on my lip and it repulses me.

I do not slow down until I feel I have lost the man. My breath comes in short quick gasps and I am finding it difficult to breathe. I make my way back home and carefully undress myself before collapsing onto my bed and into a deep sleep.

When I awake the next morning I catch sight of my reflection. The sight shocks for my lip is large and swollen with blood still welling from a purple bruised cut. I shan't be able to hide this. And how should I take care of all the blood in my room?

An idea springs to mind and carefully I position a pair of shoes in front of the sharp corner of my table. I lift my head up and walk carelessly walk over to them, and trip. My feet slip from beneath my body and it take all my will power not to put out my hands to break my fall. My head catches the corner of my table and my vision blurs as blood slides fown from my cut. I manage to get to my feet and stagger to the stain of where Adela lay. Consciousness then deserts me and I fall into a deep delicious sleep.

Quiet voices and bright sunlight awaken me from my pleasant dreams and I open my eyes in displeasure. Of course, the first person I see again is my dear husband Inuyasha.

"Kagome! Are you all right?" He asks his eyes desperate. "What happened?"

"I was walking to my bed. I think I slipped and… I hit my head on something."

Inuyasha frowns. "But Kagome, you were nowhere near your bed."

"I tried to reach the door, to find help. I must have collapsed on the way."

The physician walks in and smiles at me.

"You had two fairly nasty cuts on your head and lip Princess. If you keep on collapsing you must come see me. I think I have a few herbs that might help you stay up and healthier."

I smile wanly and wait for everyone to leave so that I may sleep again. The doctor notices that and ushers Inuyasha and himself out to leave me in peace. I smile at his kindness, and then my eyes fill with tears. If I had known how kind he was before Despair might still be with me. I no longer think that he would have let her die.

Despair's death comes back to me. In startlingly clear detail. But what pains me most of all is the sound that ranks the air. Despair's cry. The final sound she has to make in this world was one of pain. That is the thing I find worst. If she was going to die then I wish that it could have been with a smile to go with her. At worst, loving tears. No, the last thing she heard was the sound of her murderer, leaving her. The murderer who only cared for her own safety. My sister.

Later, Inuyasha joins me yet again and we partake in a game of cards. I once read when I was younger that each suit symbolizes a different thing. Hearts is love. I used to like that one the best. If the first card I put down was a hearts then I would love my husband as much as he loved me. If I got diamonds then I would grow to be rich. Those made me laugh for in my mind no one was richer than I. Clubs would bring me luck. Back then I didn't know how much I would need that.

Back at my game with Inuyasha it is my turn to place down a card. Spades: someone near me will die. Spades are death. Death. Death. Death. It is everywhere and when I played that game I didn't believe it to be so. But if you go out into the streets its everywhere. You can smell its stench. Feel the thickness of it on your tongue. Somewhere, even if you do not know them someone is dying. And there will be someone who, if not feeling the pain now, will experience it later. Death follows everyone everywhere. It stands behind us. Just waiting for us to leave this world so its hungry hands can take hold of their soul. Death. Death. Death.

I swiftly end the game with Inuyasha and dismiss him saying I need more rest. I do not sleep though but think. Think about how maybe the clubs did work. They did bring me some luck. Yesterday. Perhaps it was those cards that permitted me to escape. To allow my lies to become plausible.

I realize that this luck will not help me twice. I was treading on thin ice. Getting careless. Thinking that I could do what I wanted.

I cannot just waltz around murdering people now. It is no longer merely a silly game. It is deep and it is dangerous. Nor can I stop. Killing gives me a thrill. It is obsessive. If I stop now I might end up… might end up killing myself. I am now stuck. Stuck in match that will end in a either my death… or everyone else's.

A page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I do not know what has become of Kagome. She is growing more and more distressed as time goes on. My heart feels for her and I must say my soul fairly bleeds. She slipped recently and sustained a head injury. My wife must be the unluckiest person in this entire world! Misery follows her like the plague. I wish that she would give up on Kouga. Has she not realized that he will never accept her? Shouldn't she notice that I am better? She must. If she does not…I will make her.


	8. Chapter 8: Monks

Chapter 8: Monks

**A/N: Hello again! Ok, so I think that around these chapters my writing got better and not quite as choppy. Anyway, on with the story…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

Thank goodness that the people in this city are as dense as anything. They found Kagura's torso underneath the bridge and also realized that she had mysteriously disappeared. Yet they had not put two and two together and discovered the truth. I should be glad of their stupidity though. They have not found me out.

Since our Lady Kagura has vanished without warning my sister and I are in need of another tutor. Nobody we have heard of is so gracefully blessed as to have as many talents as dear Kagura, so we must make do with the use of several different ones for many subjects.

We met them all yesterday. They are all the usual fluffy, ridiculous women with only enough intelligence to master the subject they teach, except the art teacher. He is the only male in the group which would be odd apart from the fact he is a monk.

It is his appearance that interests me. He is tall with a straight back and broad shoulders. Surprisingly younger than most monks he is not bad looking and his hair is pulled away from his face. His face is the ordinary one of a man in his twenties but his eyes do not rove the room as he speaks like most do. They stay firmly on your face so that you end up looking away just to avoid their gaze. Almost as if you let him look for too long he could read your soul.

I cannot remove him from my thoughts. I have to admit, he intrigues me. In fact, my interest is so much that I hire one of my sister's many spies to find out his past for me and this is what came back to me:

His birth name is Houshi Miroku but when he became a monk he took the title of Brother Michael. Born in the Americas, he is one of three remaining boys with his two brothers having not joined him in the same path. He was fortunate enough to go to school but he left early to join the monastery. He was in love with a girl from his village for many years and they married early. But only two months after their wedding she struck ill with consumption and died. With his grief he packed and left his hometown to return to his ancestor's lands I figure that that was also his reason to take the oaths of monkhood. Despite his vows of purity it has been known that he enjoys the company of women. He is known in other areas as being a man to avoid. Many monasteries have left him in their wake, probably why he is now a tutor. There is one sentence at the bottom of the report that is so smudged I cannot quite make it out. He is…n…a…r… I do not know.

He is the last of our tutors for our first day and at first he stands before Kikyo and I and simply regales us with facts on paint mixing. Apparently it is always better to make your own than to buy from a merchant. In the middle of informing us where to find a special tree his eyes droop and he slumps forward onto the floor and lets out magnificent snores. Ah, that's what the sentence said. Narcoleptic. Brother Houshi Miroku is a narcoleptic perverted monk. Wonderful.

I must say that Kikyo was not impressed with our new art tutor. Even I must admit that his first impression was not the best. It is often impossible to tell what the teacher is saying when each word is slightly muffled by snores.

Yes, the Brother did speak slightly amidst the noises of sleep, and those few words he said, interested me immensely.

Mercury; he spoke of mercury. I have heard of that somewhere before. Was hats not made from it?

The next day Brother Miroku came in to teach us again. He noted Kikyo's prim expression and set about excusing himself.

"My ladies, do forgive me for the other afternoon. I was quite sure you knew of my disability. Ah well, what is done is done. If it happens again feel free to wake me as roughly as you wish."

Kikyo's expression still does not change. "You mean feel free to call a manservant to wake you if you do you not Brother?"

A small smile appears on his face as he bows again. "That is exactly what I meant your highness. Shall we continue our lesson?"

She inclined her head gracefully. "Of course."

The lesson goes by without any trouble as the monk does not fall asleep this time. Apparently, the day after tomorrow we should be able to paint our first picture. I can see that Kikyo is quite pleased with this pace as it makes her feel like she is learning more swiftly than normal. I can see that this monk knew that and that is why he arranged it that way.

He dismisses us and Kikyo leaves immediately but I linger behind. There is something suspicious about this monk, and I intend to find out what it is.

"What do you know of mercury?" I ask innocently. The effect is instantaneous. Brother Miroku turns around with amazing speed and claps a paint splattered hand over my mouth.

"Do not speak of that around here," he hisses softly looking around anxiously.

"Why?" I ask crossly knocking his hand from my lips. The smell of iodine is simply too much for me to bear. The Brother looks at me for a frustratingly long time. He then leans towards me and whispers.

"Meet me at the palace chapel tonight at midnight. I will tell you there." With those words he walks away leaving me in the art room thinking about his last few words.

At ten to twelve I am still wondering whether or not to go. If I were to get caught it would be a scandal…but if I weren't? I eventually decide to risk it and don a thick black cloak over my least obtrusive dress. Just as I leave a thought strikes me and I grab the bible that has served me so well in my past few times. If anybody asks I was unable to sleep and went to the chapel to pray instead. The people of this castle must think me terribly religious and uptight. That is, the ones who don't know me will.

The chapel looks threatening in the dark night and when I creep in there is no light save the glow from a dying candle. A low moan breaks the silence and I freeze in terror. The ghostly sound is then accompanied by a guttural snort and I see a misshapen shape just in the light of the candle. I call the monk's name softly and when he does not reply roll him onto his side and slap him lightly on both cheeks. He awakens mid snore and chokes before regaining himself. I stand again and he follows me. We look at each other for a long time without speaking.

Suddenly, a soft chattering interrupts our wordless conversation. A little red animal with tufts for ears lands on Brother Miroku's shoulder and balances itself with a long tail. Brother Miroku notices my questioning glance and smiles.

"His name is Shippou **(A/N: I got him in!)**; he's a red squirrel **(A/N: I know…)**, a dying breed, ever since your sister introduced the American grey."

"What is wrong with the American squirrels?"

"They carry a disease that they themselves are immune to. A sad tale; it is a cruelty that such timid creatures should be killed in such a way."

I still look at him for a while and eventually he sits down.

"What would you like to know?"

"In your sleep you mentioned mercury, but when I asked I was told it was forbidden to speak of. Do explain."

"Mercury is a poison. And a dangerous one at that."

"Is that all you have to tell me?"

"It is untraceable as poison. It is the scent that murders. It drives the victim insane as an effect. Nobody would suspect the murderer of anything. Of course, we do not know any murderers do we?" He is watching me, and I notice that it is without suspicion or concern. Somehow he knows what my fault is, but he will not give me away.

"No," I reply, playing along with his game. "But if we did know a murderer his game would be up swiftly for someone would notice him forcing the victim to smell the substance." He smiles.

"The murderer would have to use her intelligence in order to overcome that imperfection."

"So it is now a murderess is it?"

The monk's smile grows chillier. "I do not know." He turns to leave but as he vanishes into the darkness of the night I hear his last question. "Is she?"

He is gone and I am alone. A gust of wind from the open door snuffs the candle out and I am shrouded in darkness. It is then that I realize my life. If life were colors mine would be grey. Not black, black is not enough to portray the utter misery of my being. No, grey is good, grey is fine.

I leave the chapel and head back to my bedroom. Before I go to bed I light my own candle and stare at my reflection. Will I ever be pretty? Perhaps I am a little more attractive than I once was but the difference is slight. I turn away. Do I need to be pretty? I do not need it to rule my country do I? Besides, KIkyo is growing less attractive with age and nobody seems to mind. However, I must stop fretting. Like an old lady. If anything, that is the least attractive!

The next morning I awaken late and fail to make in time for breakfast. As a result my stomach makes embarrassing growls throughout the first lesson and earns me many glares from my older sister. Oh how I miss my old cottage where I could as early or sleep as late as I wished. Where I could have breakfast so early that I had to wake the servants to arrange it for me, or to have that instead of my midday meal. But, even I know that the main reason I do not go back is because it reminds me too much of my daughter. Her room was never cleared out. There are too many memories in that cottage. But then again, there are worse memories here. Every time I look at Kikyo I am reminded of many things I wish to forget.

Art brings us a new teacher, a frightened wispy woman; with light fluffs of hair and terrified expression. She places a bowl of fruit on a table before my sister and me and bids us, in a trembling voice, to paint it. All the while she flits around and compliments our efforts. As an experiment I draw a tiny person's face on my apple, its mouth open in anguish and despair. The next time she looks over my shoulder she gives a little squeak of surprise.

"Th-That is very pr-pretty my lady," she manages trying to control her voice. "So…different."

"I am quite partial to it myself," I agree laughing silently. "The pain in the eyes really defines the contour of the apple."

"Oh I-I quite agree my lady," the little woman stutters. I can see in her mind she is utterly terrified. She is wondering what to do with my painting for she cannot show this off to the court.

"Lady Kagome?" she ventures cautiously.

"Yes Lady Turnbull?" I reply innocently.

"P-Perhaps fruit is not your style. W-Would you like to draw something else?"

"Oh I would love to Lady Turnbull! I have decided that this expression is not befitting for an apple. I would simply adore trying it on a face!" Lady Turnbull squeaks again and turns so white that I fear she will faint.

"G-go ahead my lady," she says before turning quickly back to my sister. "Oh your majesty! The curve of that banana! Such skill is in your fingertips!"

I turn back to my now plain canvas fighting a smile. This lady is purely a body with a little air to make it go. Ha!

When I am done with my painting I am quite proud of it. I feel I have captured my true self fairly well.

Kikyo and Lady Turnbull do not agree however.

"It is a very interesting painting my lady," attempts Lady Turnbull. Kikyo is not so polite.

"Sister! That painting is hideous! What gave you such an idea?!" she turns her head in disgust.

"I cannot bear to look at such a disgraceful thing, especially from the fingertips of my sister!" With those words she snatches my painting from the easel and tosses it into the fire.

"Kagome, do not let me ever again see you doing such a disrespectful thing!" she cries yet again and leaves the room in what is near hysterics.

Lady Turnbull looks at me strangely, like I am some creature who she had never heard of before. I cannot wait for the monk to return.

Alas, my prayers go unanswered for several days and Brother Miroku stubbornly refuses to make another entrance.

Eventually after many days he does show up again but something has changed about him. He seems more… resolved.

"My ladies I am afraid that today we do not paint. It will be more of a historical lesson this time." He begins. I hear Kikyo's scornful sigh beside but I am more interested. What could he mean by this?

"Many, many years ago," he starts, "man decided to make paint. But there was a problem. The paint went off too quickly. They could not make large batches and use them gradually. They needed to keep the paint fresher. There was a material back then (and it is still around today) called mercury. Mercury worked as a preservative and did its job well. But everything must have a flaw. Mercury is poison. It will not kill you. It is not like that. But the smell of it entered man's mind. It made him insane. He went crazy and could no longer control himself. He had started something that nobody was prepared for, and could not stop it either. Have either of you ladies heard the term 'mad as a hatter'?"

We both nod mutely in agreement.

"Well, hatters started using mercury to stiffen the brims of their caps. It was not a lot. Not enough to make the wearer mad. But the hatters were around that scent too long. It began to poison their minds also. Mercury is a dangerous thing. Especially as… it has been used to murder. "He looks right at me as he speaks these words and I hear them again and again. Used to murder… used to murder…used to murder. Brother Miroku continues.

"Yes, but the murderer shan't be captured. Nobody would be able to find considering there are multiple persons who could have done this."

"How would this poison a person simply in a jar of paint?" I inquire and Kikyo glares at me. I can see that she finds this lesson dull and wishes it to be over as swiftly as possible. The monk smiles.

"Ah, you think it would be impossible. You simply mmm." With that same happy smile on his lips the Brother sinks to the floor in a deep sleep. Kikyo huffs in disgust and rings for a manservant.

"Wake him," she demands and the servant obliges, pursing his lips to prevent a smile from forming.

When he has been awakened the monk sits up looking slightly startled. I reseat myself waiting for him to continue his story but Kikyo has obviously had enough.

"I am afraid we have run out of time," she says primly. Brother Miroku looks at the clock and nods.

"It appears to be so. Forgive me my ladies for that abrupt interruption." My sister sniffs in agreement. She allows him to help her to her feet and she sweeps from the room. But I linger. Perhaps he will tell me something as we are alone.

Brother Miroku looks up at me and smiles.

"I will see you tomorrow my lady."

"Quite. That was an interesting tale you were telling us."

"Just a little history, nothing of great import."

"A little more important than you make out. It would be awful if we were to kill someone when merely attempting to paint their portrait."

"Indeed my lady, especially so if that person was to be someone you greatly admired."

"Oh yes, that would be a tragedy."

Brother Miroku smiles once more and walks from the room. I stand quietly seething. He still did not tell me how to kill without being found. The impudence! But…a light smile flits across my face. I like this man. He intrigues me.

We do not have many art lessons for a while. KIkyo is having a fit and refuses to allow either one of us in the same vicinity as Brother Miroku. He repulses her apparently. She is trying her absolute hardest to try and retrieve Lady Turnbull but the lady has mysteriously vanished. No one knows what has become of her.

It is amazing! Lady Turnbull has been found dead in her room! It was unknown what had happened to her but a neighbor said she was acting strangely. She would laugh suddenly; shrieks of random giggles that frightened those around her. She would speak of strange things and leer unnaturally as she said them. As being described we all agreed. It was completely unlike her.

But the most interesting thing was what the neighbor said afterwards.

"Every night, without a fail, a cloaked figure would arrive on her doorstep. He always stayed far into the night even after she went insane. I always thought it was strange though, he seemed to be carrying something similar to the shape of an easel."

An easel? Why would somebody visit Lady Turnbull carrying an easel? And she went insane, what is so familiar about this?

Amazingly, it is Kikyo who supplies me with my answer.

"It is exactly like that horrid story the Brother was telling us," she remarks, shuddering violently.

It hits me then. Mercury! That must be what poisoned the lady. Mercury in paint! It is the only thing that adds up correctly. We have an art lesson tomorrow. I wonder what will happen.

When Brother Miroku enters the room the first thing he sees is my sister weeping delicately in her chair.

"Your Majesty, pray, what is the matter?"

"Did you not hear? Lady Turnbull was discovered dead only yesterday!"

"Oh my, I had not heard. How simply dreadful!" Brother Miroku's eyes are expressionless and he turns to retrieve some more paints.

I look at the back of him thoughtfully. Is there more to him than I first thought?

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I have not seen much of my wife or her sister lately. Although I am greatly fond of the fact that Kagome is practicing to become Queen (she will need it if plan succeeds). I have been thinking of possible ways to, shall I say, be rid of Queen Kikyo and her husband (I cannot write his name for fear I shall stab through this page with anger) but unfortunately have not been able to come up with anything. I pray that I shall think of something before she does, because I fear if she kills Kikyo first… my life too will be in danger.

**A/N: What do you think? Please tell me in a review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	9. Chapter 9: Frustration

Chapter 9: Frustration

**A/N: Sorry sorry sorry! I know I haven't updated in a few days but I will try and make it up to you! Again, sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

Days turn into weeks as mine and Kikyo's training carries on. Then the weeks turn into months and months feel like they are turning into years. I do not want to know how to sew a beautiful tapestry with my ladies-in-waiting. Polite conversation holds absolutely no interest for me. If I were to talk to someone I would rather it was about something a little more fascinating than the weather or, thinking back to my sister's wedding, mermaids. But, alas, I must accompany Kikyo in two hours of death inducing chatter.

"My ladies, how does this day greet you?" twitters Lady Chastity. What kind of name is Chastity? The absurdity of it struck me the first time I met her. Does she not understand the meaning of the word? She must not, for when she speaks her title she says it lovingly and with pride.

"The sun is smiling upon me this morning," replies Kikyo and I have to choke back laughter. Does this useless chatter really take people far in life?

"And you Lady Kagome?" asks Lady Chastity smiling graciously at me.

"I am afraid that this is a fairly unfortunate morning for me," I say truthfully. It is true. Not even Kagura could cheer me when I woke up. Lady Chastity's patient smile swiftly vanishes and she looks sadly at me.

"My dear Kagome I am awfully sorry that you are not having a nice day but it is not terribly interesting to those you are talking to, is it your highness?" She turns to Kikyo who smiles smugly before saying

"Kagome, I love you dearly but as Lady Chastity said it is as uninteresting to hear complaint as it is to hear men talk about hunting." She ends her speech with a high pitched giggle that grates on my ears. Chastity joins in on her mirth.

"That was another perfect example my Lady Kikyo. Try to inject light humor into any casual conversation." Kikyo inflates visibly. I can tell she loves this lesson. Meaningless twitter is her specialty.

I am a little brighter in the afternoon since it is time for art but Brother Miroku barely says a word and allows us to paint in peace. This frustrates me no end as he continually does not mention mercury once more. I am certain he used that to kill Lady Turnbull but as I have no proof and no time to speak to him in private.

As I paint Anne Boleyn headed to her execution (Brother Miroku believes in uniqueness) I take breaks to watch him. He does nothing put paint his picture every so often tilting his head head to try and look at it more easily.

How would I make someone smell poison scented paint of all things?! But Brother Miroku did it, so it must be possible.

I have run out of red paint and ask Kikyo if I might use some of hers. She looks at my artistry, shudders, and quickly passes hers over. I manage to catch a glimpse of her painting. It is a field. A very green and yellow smudgy field. There is a grey triangle in the distance. Brother Miroku walks over and examines it.

"Lovely your majesty, is it just a field, or perhaps one that brings back memories?" Victoria looks at him haughtily.

"It is Paris in Springtime. I would have expected a professional like you to recognize it!" Brother Miroku nods solemnly.

"And this is the famous city's more…rural side?" Kikyo's expression turns dreamy.

"I had a picnic there once; I was just a little girl then. Oh how the French adored me!"

"They would be foolish not to," agrees Brother Miroku still completely serious. Victoria looks at him sharply but can detect no sarcasm in his tone.

Our class is interrupted by Kouga. As he strolls into the room I swiftly hide my painting and begin on a new canvas.

"That is very lovely Kikyo," he tells his proud wife. "What a beautiful…field?" Kikyo's smile promptly vanishes and is replaced by an annoyed expression.

"It is PARIS in the SPRINGTIME!"

"Of course, of course," Kouga hastily agrees before returning to the landscape. "The rural part I presume." Kikyo's eye begins to twitch and abruptly Kouga remembers an urgent meeting.

"An old friend of mine. Have not seen him in many years." My sister's eyes continue to narrow. "Ah, yes... yes. A great friend, very um very dear. Good bye!" With those words Kouga leaves even more suddenly than he came in.

I breathe a sigh of relief. He did not notice my portrait of Anne Boleyn. I look back to the front of the room and there is Brother Miroku. There is a strange sparkle in his eye that I dislike. This monk, he figures out too many things, and far too quickly.

This is the first time that I have been almost eager to leave our art lesson. I have much thinking to do.

In my bedroom I pace speaking aloud to myself.

"Mercury, the first problem of course it to get a hold of it…But then I must find out how to mix it into paint…And then to actually get the victim to smell it…Oh how confusing it all is!" I turn and see Kagura watching me from her jar. I kneel down and gently stroke the glass beside her cheek.

"What do you think?" Kagura does not reply but her head simply rolls to one side and her eyes stare at me while a mildly discolored nose is squashed against the glass. What an odd skin tone has been struck upon her. Then, I figure it out! There it is! Briefly I brush my lips against her supposed cheek and run from my room. Who would have known that my greatest enemy was to become my most splendid confidant!

Now I have realized what I could do I head into town. Thankfully it is markets day today so there shall be many different medicinal stalls.

I am correct, and the stalls that sell cures are in the majority. However, many of them look too neat and with-the-times, as my sister would put it, to carry poison. I finally see it though. It is a dirty little table on the street corner. The owner of the table looks quite mad, with a bald head and a fringe of greasy hair surrounding it. The bottles on his table are hopelessly old fashioned and the reek coming from them is far from pleasant.

"What may I do for you?" he asks, his eyes never focusing on my face. For this I am grateful, he should not notice who I am.

"Do you carry mercury?" I whisper not daring to speak loudly.

"But of course!" the stall keeper leaps to his feet and snatches a small bottle from his collection. "Only the finest supply! You could not find such an amount in such quality here! Kings have bought my-" At this point my hand comes down over his mouth to stop him from carrying on his speech. It is too late though, guards are heading this way, caught by the volume of his voice. Swiftly I knock the bottle of mercury into my bag and pull my hood up. It is not a moment too soon as the guards grab the man by his wrists and hold him so he cannot struggle. Brother Miroku flashes in my mind and I bend myself to give the impression of an old woman.

"Are you all right miss?" the younger of the two guards asks.

"Oh I am perfectly alright now. Thank you young sir," I squeak in as high a voice as I can.

"I am sorry for the trouble this caused you," says the elder and his eyes are empty of any emotion as they look into the depths of my hood. His stare unsettles me and as quickly as I can I make my escape.

When I am back at a castle I hide my cloak in the garden and head to the front hall. There though I am met by Brother Miroku whose expression is livid. He takes a hold of my arm and drags me into the art room. Once we get there he turns around his eyes furious.

"What were you doing talking to Mad Muso?"

"Mad Muso?"

"A man who calls himself a doctor whilst selling poisons. Everyone knows and avoids him… except you it seems."

"Well I have lived in a palace my entire life; do you expect me to have heard of such a man?" Brother Miroku looks at me scornfully.

"Show me your ear girl." Confused I bend down and tilt the side of my head his way. He peers into my ear.

"How strange, I see nothing,' he muses pulling away again. I feel a stab of annoyance.

"What did you expect to see?"

"The other side of the room! Have you no brains?" I draw myself up to my full height and open my mouth. The best thing I can think of though is:

"How did you know where I was?" His smile is mirthless.

"I am not the only one with spies, Princess." He leaves the room without a further word leaving me with my mouth open looking quite the idiot. The older guard! How could I have been so stupid? No wonder he was strange. I sit down on the floor.

How embarrassing! To have been expertly tailed when I thought myself completely and utterly undercover.

Hurriedly I leave the art room and head back towards my sleeping chambers. There a memory returns to me and I smile suddenly. Out of my bag I take my bottle of mercury. This is perfect. Now I just need paint.

I do know how to make it thanks to a lesson from Brother Miroku. I never knew that it would come in useful. Of course I cannot take paint from the art room. The monk counts the pots every day and would notice if some were missing. First I shall make black, for that I need a black tar like substance. There is no place better than the river Sakura!

I set out as quickly as possible but am quickly lost as the light grows fainter and each street looks identical to the next one. A small raggedy boy rushes by and I catch him as he passes me.

"Boy, do you know of the river Sakura?"

"Course I do! Turn this way at the second street. Me Da's a river rat down there," he adds proudly.

"A river rat?" I earn a contemptuous glance.

"Of course a river rat! Golly, you are a gump!"

"Gump?"

"Ha! You strut noddy! Anyway, I've got to go. It's me first night as me dad's fagger and if I'm late he'll yaffle so hard the Tom Tugs will wake up and we won't get to crack the crib which means no spangle and that means no dogsbody for supper! Then the cods' head will probably send me out to kiddy-nip some doddy in order for him to have his wobbler." The little boy's face pales. "And if I don't do any of that he might twist me or send me to Aussie to work in the pan or sturrabin! I might even get sent to school!" He looks at the sky and yelps in alarm. "And I WILL get a ding on the coconut now! G'bye miss!"

"Good...bye," I say faintly barely finding my power of speech from that overwhelming discussion. I don't think that I will ask another for help.

I make my way to the Sakura and collect some of the black mud down on the bottom. I carefully collect the rest of my ingredients and head back home to mix my paints. I cannot murder another one of those who work in the palace. That will make things too suspicious. Perhaps I will sell myself off as an honest painter trying to earn some money. There must be someone out there vain enough for a portrait.

I mix my paints, put on my black cloak and head back out. At the first house I come to I knock on the door and a rather frail young woman answers. I make my voice as deep as possible.

"I am but a poor painter; would you be so gracious as to pay me in return for a portrait?" As I speak about ten little faces peep around the woman's legs. She was obviously one of the less heartless ones who could not bear to drown her children. She smiles sadly and motions to the little children around her legs.

"I am sorry, I would love to help but I'm afraid we need all the money we can get." I nod silently and start to move to the next house.

"Wait!" she calls and I turn back. "She runs to me and presses a few pennies into my palm. "I wish that I could do more." She returns to her home without another word and I watch her retreating back. No one has ever shown me such kindness before. She does not deserve to be poor, not when she gives what little she has to strangers.

At the next house a drunkard throws an empty bottle at my head and I hastily assume that he is not interested in my wares. In fact, I have no luck until about my sixth house.

A young woman opens the door and looks at me. I can see by the expression on her face that she is perfect. A vain, selfish person is just what I need right now.

"What do you want?" she asks in an affected voice.

"I am painter,' I reply. "Would you care for a portrait?" She looks me up and down before smiling smugly.

"You may come in."

I follow her into her home which is fairly well furnished for someone living in such a low down area.

"What is your name?" she asks suddenly catching me by surprise. It takes me a while before I can find my voice.

"Mr. Abbey," I say grasping spur-of-the-moment inspiration. "And what is yours?"

"Kanna Lee Tae," she says primly arranging her skirts. "You may begin to paint now."

I set up my easel and she sits so her "best side" is facing me. I begin to sketch her face wondering how long this will take.

I am finally finished with my sketch and mix some skin colored paint. Dabbling my brush in the mixture I look at it and frown.

"What is the matter?" asks Kanna.

"I am afraid that I am not quite sure that this is the exact right tone to compliment your pretty skin. If I may," I lean forward and place the brush close to her nose. I see it wrinkle at the scent of iodine but I do not remove it from her face. Eventually, her composure breaks and she jerks her head away allowing the paint to smear on her nose. She cries out in disgust and goes to the kitchen to wash it off. I guess she will not die today.

This goes on for several days until she keeps a bowl of water and a handkerchief beside her every time I go over. It is official then, she will not die. But how can I paint her skin without her noticing? It is impossible!

I feel that she is getting as frustrated of me as I am of her. Something must be done quickly before she orders me to leave her. Where would I be then? She is the type to have friends and it would be difficult for me to find more work if that were to happen.

Finally, one day, after a particularly gruesome hour Kanna stands and looks at me crossly.

"If you do not finish soon you realize you may not return." She walks away into, what I assume is, her bedroom.

I follow her and she turns around and shrieks.

"What kind of man are you? Walking into a ladies sleeping quarters like that?"

"It is fortunate then, that I am not a man." I reply letting my cloak fall to the ground. She screams again at my appearance and even louder as I stroll closer.

I look around and my gaze falls into her boudoir. She obviously is afraid of being robbed for a knife is lying in between powders. I pick it up and test it on my thumb. It is indeed sharp enough.

Kanna's screams turn to gurgles as my knife meets her throat. My fury seems to have added to my strength for in one blow her head snaps back and her throat opens.

Luscious liquid, so red it is almost black spills over my palms. Its satiny smoothness caresses my hands as my knife travels to her stomach. It stabs through the layer of clothes and bites the skin across her belly. The force causes her head to snap back revealing the pristine whiteness of her backbone. Almost in a daze I reach out my fingers and touch it. Her blood is warm as more of it spills over my body. It blankets me, almost like it is welcoming me.

I retrieve the knife and gently cut Kanna's face away. It no longer has that smirk on it lips. Carefully I slice the skin off so that she is unrecognizable. What I pity I could not paint her this way, it has a much more pleasing effect. Taking my weapon yet again I drag across her chest. I reach in, feeling heat radiate up my arm. I extract her heart. She does not need it, she never used it when she was alive anyway. I haul the carcass and place it on her bed. I wonder how long it will take for the police to find her.

I take the heart in my hand and carefully chop it into cubes. I wash it and my hands carefully. On the way home I call in at the first home I went to. The same tired mother answers but when she sees me she smiles.

"Did you find a job?" she asks.

"I did," I reply. "Thank you for the money, it played a part in my success." Her smile widens but her eyes remain exhausted and hungry.

"I am glad that I could help." I hold out a plate I took from Kanna's kitchen, the heart arranged upon it.

"Your family looks like it needs all the food it can get." The lady's eyes widen and reverently she accepts the dish.

"But meat is ever so expensive."

"It was a good job," I smile back at her though I know she cannot see beneath my hood. She looks up at me again and I see something new in her gaze. I think that I can see hope.

"I could never thank you enough…" I hold up my hand to stop her talking.

"Believe you me, you already have."

I walk away and hear her telling her many sons and daughters of the miracle that just happened. I am glad that I could help. I would have had no use for that heart anyway. Perhaps it is now finally caring for someone.

Back in the palace, I slip down the hallways as silently as I possibly can but stop when I hear Brother Miroku's voice. Who is he talking to? I hide in a corner and peer into the room.

"Sango," the monk is saying. "What are you doing? She'll kill you."

"I know," replies an eerily familiar voice. "But I have to stay."

I edge a little closer to the door and crane my head to see who he is speaking to. When I do I nearly gasp aloud.

It is Lady Chastity.

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I seem to be seeing less and less of my wife as time goes on. This frustrates me no end and the need to be rid of her sister and love grows greater and greater.. I need to for I fear that if I do not do it so quickly things will get seriously out of hand. Alas though, I do not seem to be blessed with the plots that Kagome possesses. Oh what will I do?!

Authors Note: When Kagome asks the boy for directions to the River Sakura he answers in Cockney slang, spoken in the slums of old England. The translations of the words follow:

River Rat: Someone who strips corpses in the Thames for jewels, money, etc.

Gump: Idiot

Strut Noddy: An idiot who doesn't know he's an idiot

Fagger: A small thief who can slip through small areas into houses

Yaffle: Yell

Tom Tugs: Thugs, idiots, etc.

Crack the Crib: Rob the House

Spangle: Money

Dogsbody: Pease Pudding

Cods' Head: Must I explain?

Kiddy-nip: Pickpocket

Doddy: Idiot

Wobbler: Boiled leg of mutton

Twist: Kill

Aussie: Australia

Pan: Workhouse

Sturrabin: Prison

Ding on the coconut: Hit on the head

**A/N: I hope that you are all still reading my story and all still enjoying it. Please review! ( I know Inuyasha isn't in a lot recently but don't worry, he has a major role coming up!)**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	10. Chapter 10: Victoria

Chapter 10: Victoria

**A/N: Another chapter in one day!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

I sit in my bedroom and stare at the opposite wall as I replay the conversation I just overheard over and over in my mind. What has Lady Chastity got to do with Brother Miroku? And why did he call her Sango?

Ah well, I will worry about this later. The most interesting topic in the court is the fact that Kikyo shall soon become Empress of India as well as Queen. She and her dearest ladies-in-waiting have remained locked in a darkened room for quite some time now. Apparently the terrible outdoors is completely unsuitable for a soon-to-be Queen. Perfect skin is essential. I cannot help, though, but be hurt. At birth the title of Empress had been reserved for me. Apparently, all promises can be broken at some time or other.

Inuyasha has unfortunately returned to my life after a brief and happy spell where I almost forgot I was married. However, he has decided that we have been apart long enough and has been joining me every evening for a week.

Every night happens in the exact same pattern. Inuyasha will come in and offer to play chess with me. I will beat him, as I always do and he will sulk. For another half of an hour we will sit in silence neither one talking out of spite. Then, as late as the suitable hour will allow Inuyasha will attempt to kiss me good night, a kiss that I always evade. My husband will then shout, so that the whole of the Western Lands can probably hear him, that I am his wife and he has as much right to kiss me as any husband. That is the time where I shut my door in his face and go to bed. Except I don't go to sleep. No, I lie in my bed and cry.

Most of my tears are for me, because my Kouga still belongs to Kikyo. But some of them are for that woman. The one who didn't deserve to be poor. I wonder if her family has eaten the meat yet. I smile to myself; I don't think you get meat much fresher than that.

I am suddenly awakened by a loud thumping on my door. Who could be here this late? I get up and light a candle. When I open the door Kouga runs in quickly and shuts it behind him. He looks at me smiling and I feel my cheeks heat up. There is nothing more embarrassing than standing before your true love in nothing but your night shift.

"Kagome, how are you?" he asks politely.

"Fine thank you," I reply slightly bemused by his question in such strange surroundings.

"Good, good." Kouga appears to be distracted.

"What are you doing here?" I venture cautiously.

"Ah," he smiles at me again. "Kikyo was getting a little impatient with me and I needed a small break. I apparently underestimate the splendor of India." I am amazed. Kouga is actually admitting that he too gets tired of his wife's company. Perhaps the gods have decided to help me for once.

"What is happening?" I ask curious despite myself. Kouga sighs theatrically.

"Nothing as of now. There has been correspondence with the current leader but nothing more mentioned of an alliance." I laugh at his poor acting drawing another grin across his face.

"If you are looking for something to happen I don't think I am the ideal companion," I tease slightly forgetting my manners.

"Ah you are better than the women in that room," he counters, shuddering and my cheeks redden again at his flattery. He sighs suddenly.

"I better go back. If I take too long Kikyo will get cross once again. Goodnight Kagome." He stares at me for what feel like years before slowly leaning down and kissing my lips. His fingers stroke my hair, once, twice, and then he is gone.

I sit back down on my bed in shock. That is the second time that Kouga kissed me! What is going on? Maybe, is it possible, that he might actually love me? Even if it is not fully adoration might there be a chance that I can be the one he truly cares for? Oh, how wonderful that would be!

Still daydreaming I forget about my candle and it tilts in my hand and a little hot wax spills into my arm. I cry out in pain and surprise and hurriedly replace the candle to its proper spot on my table. I scratch the fast cooling wax off of my arm and study the blister against the pale of my skin. It is a violent red. Is red not the color of love?

Ignoring the slight throb of my wound I sink back into my pillows my original tears forgotten and fall asleep.

Kouga is standing before me. His eyes are kind and he holds out a goblet. At this moment I discover my raging thirst and I take the drink from his hand and gulp its contents. It somehow manages to be both sweet and salty. Reality dawns upon me, it is blood; I toss the goblet to the ground and cough, clawing at my throat. I look back up at my love and his face changes. It becomes evil and twisted. He opens his mouth and taunts me with his laugh. Behind him stand all those who I have killed, their stomach cut open and filthy with muck. One is a little girl, her body dripping with a never ending supply of water. In her arms she clutches Kagura's torso. Then, a tree grows up from the ground, impossibly quickly, the roots lifting out from the ground and taking the shapes of arms and legs. How? How are they doing that?! Then, there is the kind mother but she too is different. Her face is a mixture of hers and Kanna's. The heart. Kanna's heart now beats inside her. What have I done? The strange mother Kanna walks forward and when she speaks her voice is harsh and husky.

"Are you sorry Kagome? Do you repent?"

"Leave, oh leave me be!" I sob and each woman looks at me expressionlessly before speaking as one.

"She does not repent, she does not repent, no she does not, she does not repent." Their hands reach out and grab me, pulling me into their circle of death. They smother me and I cannot breathe. Nor can I shout for help.

I awaken suddenly and find myself tangled so that the sheets of my bed are pressed against my mouth. It was only a dream. Only a dream.

I stand and walk to my window. I search the garden in the weak light of the dawn until I find the tree where I buried part of Kagura. What a strange branch! What is it shaped like? I lean out of my window for a better look and my heart stops. It looks like an arm…and it is reaching for me.

I open my mouth and try to scream but like that in my dream I find it impossible. The only sound my mouth utters is a terrified gasp and I sink to my floor. I would like to say at that moment the wind blew with such a howl it rattled my windows but that did not happen. In fact, I do not think there was any other noise than that of my own panting breathes. I climb back into my bed and huddle beneath the blankets but I cannot go to sleep. What if I am joined again by those horrid corpses?

When it is finally light enough for me to get up I do so hurriedly. I linger over my breakfast trying to concentrate as much as possible on each mouthful. It is not delicious to say the least; the bread is slightly stale and the butter more than a little rancid. What has happened to the fine foods we used to dine on? But everyone else is eating with obvious content? Is it just me? Am I the only one who can taste the rot?

My life seems to be full of questions but no one pays enough attention to me to answer them. But now, yet again I will be faced with the most puzzling one of all. It is time for our conversation lesson with Lady Chastity.

She does not act any different but of course she doesn't know that I heard her conversation with the monk.

"Kagome, how does the morning greet you?" she asks me as usual.

"I feel fairly refreshed actually," I reply. "I had a lovely chat with Brother Miroku yesterday." I do not notice any particularly strong reaction to this but Lady Chastity does stiffen a little at his name, her eyes hardening just a touch. Suddenly, it is all gone and she smiles just as graciously as before speaking to me with a delicate laugh.

"Normally I would comment on how nice it is to talk to others but that would be dull would it not? Your sister is not here today, should we not talk of something fun?" This is so unexpected I am silent in shock. She smiles again and leans forward towards me.

"What do you think of Brother Miroku?" I open my mouth and try to speak through my surprise.

"He is reasonably pleasant and an excellent art teacher," I reply guardedly. She laughs once more, such a cheerful, carefree sound that I have not heard uttered by any other lady of the court.

"Why are you so afraid of me?" She must smile a lot I note; there are wrinkles around her eyes.

"What do you have to do with the monk?" I counter. Her happy look is quickly gone. When she has lost her perfect politeness I realize she is not so much older than I am myself.

"I am afraid you will have to wait till later," she says carefully before giggling. She stands up and slips her arm through mine. "Come, Kagome. Let us go for a walk. I have not had a proper companion before. Especially not while your sister's around." Her laugh is so contagious I find myself joining in despite myself and off we head to the gardens talking, or rather Chastity prattling and I listening in silence.

What has happened her? This is such a difference from the Lady Chastity I thought I knew. We picked flowers and laughed together and I think that she is the first proper friend I have ever had.

When it is beginning to grow darker we head back to the house. I never realized how young the teacher was until she started acting her age. We walk back to her rooms and she smiles at me.

"Good bye Kagome." she smiles wickedly. "And I shall call you that now we are friends." I laugh with her and decide to take my own step.

"Good night… Sango." Her eyes harden and her grin vanishes. "Don't skate where the ice is thin," she warns and walks away without another word.

I step into my bedroom sadly. How silly of me to go that far! Now I may have lost the only friend I have ever made.

The next day is again art lesson and Brother Miroku doesn't act any more peculiar than usual. In fact he almost seems in high spirits and I ask him why.

"Because I feel a little freer today," he explains. "There is no frustrated Queen watching my every move now." I am amazed at how Kikyo's absence is lifting more people's spirits than I expected. Neither of us had any idea of how disliked she was.

Brother Miroku settles down and fetches me my easel and paints.

"It is going to be interesting to day," he says. "I want you to just let your mind wander; then you should try and paint, without working too hard, what your mind has thought of." This sounds interesting and I smile, indeed letting my thoughts travel as instructed.

In my mind's eye I see Kanna. Red is a pretty color isn't it? Lovely habit of spouting. Up and up and up, overflowing and splashing at my feet. Yes, red, I like red. Black is nice too. Dark shadows climbing, hiding the things that shouldn't be seen. Creeping black, splashing red, and…white. Yes white. White can be anything you want it to be. It is a quiet color. It waits to be transformed. I see it. Red fountains up in a white room where I am in the shadows. Black, white, red; red, black white; red and red on black and a hint of white.

I come back to earth and look at my painting. It is fairly abstract. Red and white and black, just like I wanted.

I hear Brother Miroku behind me.

"Kagome," he shakes his head. I look up innocently.

"What is wrong?"

"You did it again," he accuses. I scowl. How can he figure it out so quickly? It is not fair.

"I do not know what you mean," I reply straightening my skirts. He laughs humorlessly.

"Please Kagome, its everywhere in your painting," he shakes his head. "Get out of my room." I walk out with as much dignity as I can muster. The impudence of him to turn me out! After all, did he not do the same to Lady Turnbull?

When I reach my room I hear a scuffling noise. I look down and a tiny baby bird is lying by the window. The poor thing hasn't enough feathers to fly. It must have fallen from its nest. It lies on its side looking desperately weak. What can I do? Gently, I pick it up and take it to the kitchens.

The grizzled old cook looks at me suspiciously.

"In my day no self respecting princess would dare step foot in the kitchen," she scolds. I pay no attention to her. Instead I hold out my hands.

"What does it eat?" She looks at it with absolutely no interest.

"Dunno, I just feed the human's m'lady." She takes a closer look and her gaze softens. "I just put a pot of gruel on. He can have some of that. She hands me a little dish and a spoon before scowling once more. "Now move yourself back to the respectable part of this house." With a particular 'harrumph' she turns her back to me and studiously ignores me. I sigh and head back upstairs. At least she helped me.

Once I am back in my room I look at the little bird. It is lying on one side and its eyes are shut. Carefully, I open its beak and tip a little gruel in. Moments later the bird's eyes are open and it is looking at its surroundings with interest. It wants no more food and instead tries to walk. I laugh and picking it up, place it in a lined basket beside the fire. It lays its head down and begins to sleep. I stare at it for what feels like hours before forcing myself, too, to eat something.

As soon as I have finished my supper I rush back to the room. The bird is now looking at me inquisitively and I feed it some more. It has learnt now and opens its mouth wider to allow the food to flow more easily. I laugh in delight at this tiny creature and it's over large beak opens once more to demand food. I comply and the whistling of its demands stop. When it has eaten its fill it settles down to sleep once more. I follow his example and get into my night shift. I stroke its head one last time before getting into bed.

I do not sleep well at all for I am afraid that my dream will come back. It was not the dismembered bodies that scared me as much as Kouga did. It was his angry face that shattered my heart. I did not want him to frown at me. I would rather he did anything but that.

The next day the bird is even better and I feed it once more. It looks at me with its bright eyes and opens its beak and… chuckles. It is not a laugh like that of a human, but such a cheerful noise that it cannot be described as anything less.

I sit entranced as it continues to make its noise again and again. I laugh along with it and with one finger gently stroke its little head. I shall call him Robinson.

A few hours later I place him on my window sill and watch from a distance. Robinson teeters to the edge of his box and peers cautiously over the edge. Suddenly, he catapults himself off and I scream racing to the window. Wait, there he is. Swooping upwards! Well, he can fly now! He chuckles at me and I laugh back. I have not felt this happy in such a long time.

I hear an answering sound behind me and I spin around to find Kouga once more at my door.

"_How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world_," he says smiling.

"You have a habit for quoting Shakespeare," I reply still fairly good- natured. He smirks once more.

"A small attempt to win other's over with my intellect. People might love me more if I was more handsome."

"Nonsense, you are fine looking," I grin, forgetting to be embarrassed. Kouga wags one finger solemnly.

"You forget this one wrinkle." He lifts a finger to his face and points out the faint crow's feet at the corner of his eye. I lift my face and say, with a smile.

"_With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come_."

"Aha! You too Kagome, are a culprit of the poet's words! _She does it with better grace but I do it more natural_." He bows with an air of false modesty.

"_He that loves to be flattered is worthy o' the flatterer_." We both look at each other for a while before laughing once more.

"So, are you not supposed to be by your wife's side?" I question as casually as I can.

"I was banished. It might cause harm to the contract if too many people watched Kikyo sign it." We both glance in the direction where Kikyo is resting.

"Silly women fill this castle." I touch his shoulder comfortingly. He shrugs off my hand and leans out the window.

"_Hell is empty and all the devils are here_." He turns around and looks at me. I realize now that we are no longer playing, Kouga is deathly serious.

Hesitantly, I push my hand to touch his once more and he catches it in his palm. Gently bringing it to his lips he kisses it before letting it drop once more to my side. Eyes sad, he looks at me and leaves without another word. What was wrong with him? Where we not merrily chatting just minutes before?

Kikyo's laughter rings through the entire castle and wakens me with a start. So it has happened, she is the first to be both Queen and Empress at once. I yank a pillow over my head. I shall not get any sleep now. The chatter go on for hours and eventually my head begins to ache from the never ending noise.

Then, there are a few moments of blissful silence. I sigh and turn back over in bed. I can finally sleep. Then, male voices join the original ones. Happy voices make unhappy people the next day, I'll warrant it.

The next morning I stagger into the main hall to see Kikyo surrounded by doting courtiers.

"You are so lucky your highness!"

"Today you look the sweetest creature the sun has smiled on!"

"Oh, when shall you visit India?" Kikyo smiles slightly.

"I was planning to tell you everything at the celebration but since you are so eager now…" She leaves the sentence hanging and it is greeted by many sounds of approval.

"Well," she looks at Kouga and he nods. "I am planning to wait for my coronation before even planning the trip, and then the two of us shall survey the lands. It shall take many months I fear."

I am amused. Who needs such a long time to look at land? I can see that Kouga agrees with me. I overhear him talking to his wife.

"When did we agree on such a lengthy trip Kikyo? I remember agreeing to accompany you after the coronation but we need to stay and look after your kingdom." Kikyo looks a little annoyed for a moment before replying.

"I knew Kouga that you wouldn't agree to it which is why I did not tell you. And I did so want to take a long trip with you." Her eyes begin to fill with tears and Kouga looks stunned for a second before apologizing almost instantly. Sighing I head over to see the head dress that was sent from the Indian lands. I love Kouga dearly, but sometimes he does have no back bone.

I look into the jewel and see my face reflected back and immediately feel sad. The position of Empress somehow feels like a comfort. Kikyo lost her child, so was given lands as compensation for it. I lost my child, and everyone forgot about me.

I decline touching the crown and try not to notice the relieved look on Kikyo's face. She knows that I often feel sorely left out of all the attention she gets and she cannot trust me not to harm her new position. The crown is important. If I were to break it, India would take insult and the alliance would be annulled.

That would be understandable though. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a gift for a gift. If anything it would be less than Kikyo deserves. I leave this lovely little gathering early and walk outside so that I can see in without being disturbed. I wish that Kouga would come and join me again but he is inside adoring the attention lavished on his wife. I will not get sympathy from him tonight.

I search his face but do not find a trace of the sadness that overtook his expressions last night. Was he toying with me? Pretending, so that I would feel sympathy? He wouldn't do that would he?

Suddenly, there is a bang. Someone falls to the ground. Blood, blood everywhere. Man carried away dead. Utter chaos.

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I wonder how Kagome took the new of Kikyo's imperialness. It would be hoped that she forgot that the position had been hers at birth but somehow I feel that that is not true. In an attempt to take Kouga's life today I stole a gun, and crept into the room of the party in the shadows. My aim went off however and instead hit an unimportant courtier. My hands are now stained with the blood of murder yet all I feel is frustration on not having hit what I originally wanted. Is that normal?

**A/N: Inuyasha is a murderer too! Oh, it's getting good now! Thank you for reading and please review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky **


	11. Chapter 11:Vengeance

Chapter 11: Vengeance

**A/N: Not much to say today except if you noticed last chapter was titled Victoria, that was a mistake on my part. It was supposed to be Kikyo!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

Kikyo has grown to become the talk of the entire kingdom. She is the pictures. She is the talk. It frustrates me no end. If I had kept my position of empress would I have been this popular? Was it simply because Kikyo?

Thankfully, one other person seems to agree with my irritation. Brother Miroku. Kikyo insists on having a procession of attendant follow her everywhere she goes. Eventually though, Kikyo decides that she no longer requires these lessons and will be finished with them as soon as all the paperwork is completely.

Honestly, a lot of being Queen seems to be signing papers and agreeing with people. Not quite the hard ordeal we were brought up to imagine. Of course, being Kikyo, she is making it into such a fuss. Her proper coronation will take place in a couple of days' time. Isn't it marvelous?

It is the day of my sister's coronation. Everyone has been up since five preparing. I sit in my room, supposedly getting myself presentable. It proves to be difficult as there is no maid willing to assist me in getting dressed. It is no small task trying to tie your own corset.

The ballroom is crammed full of many different courtiers. They dance and laugh, each one chattering over how splendid it will be to have Kikyo on the throne. She must become the greatest ruler in history!

The ceremony begins and the hall is filled with silence. Slowly, the Archbishop climbs up the steps and faces her. He begins his speech and she speaks in her turns. A flawless coronation. Then, it is time to place the ring on her finger. Kikyo holds out her hand, the Archbishop slides the ring on, and stares. What is wrong?

"Your majesty," the Bishop murmurs. "I seem to have placed the ring on the incorrect finger. If you do not mind…" Kikyo huffs in annoyance and reaches to pull the ring off. It doesn't. She frowns and tries again. Still, the ring remains stubbornly on her finger.

After many attempts by many different servants Kikyo is led off the platform. Some minutes later, she returns and a rather flustered Archbishop replaces the ring, this time correctly.

Every lord of the kingdom walks up the flight of stairs and kneels to kiss Kikyo's hand. They pledge to be in her service till death.

One of the courtiers, Lord Rolle, steps up. Halfway up the staircase his legs give out beneath his tremendous weight and he tumbles down the steps and lands quite heavily on his side. Irritated, he waves aside all offers of help and again begins his climb. By the time he finally made it to the top the other lords were cheering him on and triumphantly he kissed the hand proffered to him by my sister.

"Well done, Lord Rolle. We shan't wonder where your name came from any longer," Kikyo says sweetly before turning to the crowd. "It has soothed many aggravated minds has it not?"

There is a deathly silence. Our new Queen just publicly humiliated and belittled a courtier who had already been quite insulted. Lord Rolle extracts his hand from my sister's and bows stiffly.

"I congratulate you your highness." He begins his descent before she calls to him.

"Shall you pledge your loyalty to me like the others?" Lord Rolle faces her, his expression calm.

"I shall not Majesty," susurration ripples through the crowd as he walks away, my sister standing looking fairly amazed at this man's foolishness.

Through the silence Kikyo gives a strained smile.

"Shall we continue?"

At the end silver and gold medals are tossed into the crowd to signify that she shall be a kind and giving Queen. Of course there is a complete fracas to retrieve as many pieces as possible. I had not thought it possible that men were so willing to lose their dignity for coins. I shall never understand the other gender.

The women themselves though, are no better. The latest fashion is to use pigments and color your hair. Their faces are pale as chalk with thanks to the many layers of powder dusted on them. Jewels adorn every spare surface giving the impression of a walking gold mine.

I am grateful when the ceremony is finally over and I retreat to my chambers I hear sobs. I peer into a room and see my sister. She is crying into Kouga's shoulder as he attempts at comforting her.

"I-It all went s-so wrong!" she sobs.

"It is okay Kikyo; everyone will forget."

"N-no they won't! Wrong finger! Humiliation! A-A fight!' The last word explodes out of her mouth violently and Kouga pulls her back.

"Yes all that happened, but the good thing is that, no one will forget your coronation." A fresh round of sobs begins.

"But you just said that everyone will forget!"

"What do you want them to do Kikyo?"

"I want them to never think of it again!"

"Then that is how it shall go." Kouga looks quite pleased with his response but his smile vanishes when Kikyo slaps him smartly across the cheek.

"Kikyo! What was that for?"

"You don't understand anything! You are just saying what you think I want to hear! Get out! Get out!"

Kouga hastily backs out of the room and bumps into me.

"My apologies Kikyo." He bows slightly as I curtsy. "Now then." He looks at me seriously. "Now one event is out of the way the whole court will focus on another."

"What event is that?"

"Kagome, Kagome." He shakes his head sadly. "The murder of that man, do you know anything of it?" I stiffen automatically. Kouga is standing, here blatantly telling me that I am a murderer. The impudence!

"I do not know what you mean," I say coolly and step around him to go to bed.

"Don't do it Kagome, it is not worth it." I ignore him and carry on my way. He will not succeed in making me cry as well.

I cannot believe that the love of my life would dare insult me that way! What made him think that he could assume just anything about me? I do not mind it when he forces my sister to tears but when he then turns on me I begin to see red.

I turn and head towards the art room for comfort. Brother Miroku should understand my pain. When I reach the room however, the only advice I receive is snores. I will not get any help from him at this precise moment.

Now that Kikyo's big event is over another, more interesting topic is being gossiped about. Who killed that courtier? I must admit that it intrigues me even more than most. I am the only one here who really murders. At least, that I know of.

Inuyasha walks towards me without his usual confidence. I almost find myself thinking that it was him who did it! Ha! As if _Inuyasha_ could do anything like that!

We play cards in silence and I feel like something is holding Inuyasha back. It is unusual that he does not fill every second with meaningless conversation. It is almost as unnerving as thinking of another murderer.

Now every time that Kouga looks at me his gaze is filled with pity. This frustrates me no end. If I were to kill someone I would at least do it with more grace. No one would have found out that it was me.

That is a clue to the identity of the other. He is careless. He has not killed before or he would have known how dangerous it was to kill someone the middle of a party. It was not a well known courtier. No one would care about the last person seen with him. Unless…

Suddenly it hits me. I don't think the murderer was aiming for that courtier at all! What if he wanted to kill someone of greater importance? What if his intent was not just to scare? But to actually kill? If he was to murder someone high up, then it would actually be safer to do it in a crowded area. Provided you were well hidden no one could place the blame on you without concrete proof. It would be foolproof! It helped if you hit the person you wanted to kill though.

But who would be big enough for them to take that much care? Kouga or Kikyo. So this murderer is either my friend… or my enemy.

I think it annoys Kikyo; that immediately after her large event people begin to move on to other things. Obviously in her eyes this murder does not matter, as long as she is Queen.

I think that there is something bothering Brother Miroku. He falls asleep more often now and I get the feeling he usually does it in moments of agitation. It does not cheer my sister up though. Even though she no longer has art lessons she still has to go to the art room to fetch the supplies should she feel the need to paint. More often as not she has to call a footman to awaken the monk.

Kikyo is getting more and more aggravating as time goes on. I do not know why but now, that smallest things that never bothered me are driving me insane. Like when she smiles condescendingly on others. Yes it used to irritate me a little but now I need to leave the room before I lose my temper. If this goes on I fear for my sanity.

So, there is only one thing to do. I have to kill her. It is either her or me and I am fairly fond of myself. But how should I do it? It would have to be clever. It would have to be untraceable. I do not think I would be able to carry it out by myself. But who on earth could help me? That secret murderer perhaps. But I do not know yet if he is on my side. Wait. Lady Chastity! I know that she hates Kikyo with almost the same level of passion as I do. I would also pick Brother Miroku, but there is something a little odd about him.

"We'll get caught." That is all Lady Chastity says before going back to her book. I push it back down with my fingers.

"We won't. Not if we are careful." She sighs and abandons her novel.

"That's your problem Kagome. You are not careful. Look at how many times you have nearly been caught."

"That's why I need you," I plead. "You can help keep me in check. You know that you are often more level-headed than me!"

Lady Chastity looks at me for a long time before sighing in exasperation. "How could we possibly pull this off? Your sister is more heavily guarded than her crown. My god! It would probably be easier to invade England than kill her!"

I stare at her for a while longer and eventually she cracks. "Fine. If you come up with a plan that possesses a more than slight chance of survival I will offer my assistance."

I laugh more merrily than I have in ages and hug my friend. "Oh I do love you Sango!"

Her gaze instantly turns frosty and her eyes narrow. "The ice is still weak Kagome"

Even that cannot dampen my mood and I rush away to my bed chambers. There I sit writing my plans, every now and then covering my mouth to stifle more giggles. Why can I not stop laughing? But every time I try to stem the flow of chuckles the image of Kikyo cold and lifeless fills my head and bells peal in my head to the tune of delight.

Eventually I come up with a plan that shouldn't involve either me or Chastity. If we hired someone to kill her for us. There must be someone in the slums desperate enough for money. There always is.

Unfortunately, I am unable to see Lady Chastity for a few days. So alone, I have been submitted to the torture of Kikyo's ceaseless chatter. She speaks of how beautiful India is and of how miraculous it is now that she is Queen. She will be good she repeatedly tells anyone who will listen until we have to believe her in order for her to be quiet. Even her husband seems to tire of her relentless boasting.

Eventually I can no longer stand it. I pull my black cloak over my head and walk out. On the way I happen to see Chastity. She eyes my appearance suspiciously.

"Where might you be going Kagome?" I toss back the hood of my cloak and look at her before speaking.

"Every day," I begin anger simmering inside of me. "Every day, I have to watch her, I have to hear her, I have to sit in a room permeated with the stink of expensive oils. EVERY DAY!"

Lady Chastity looks a little frightened as I continue my rant. My hair begins to come loose from its bun and straggled strands frame my face.

"She walks past me and the smugness rolls off of her. She doesn't hesitate to tell me if I do wrong. She knows she is protected now. She knows I cannot do anything about it. It sickens me. The hatred of it, it chokes me!" Lady Chastity begins to move away but my hand shoots out and grabs her chin. I force her face to look at me. I demand her eyes meet mine. I lean forward till our faces nearly touch before whispering.

"I have to kill her. I HAVE to kill her!" Slowly I release the woman and she cowers in front of me. "And you will help me won't you Lady Chastity?" Dumbly, she nods and I smile lightly. "Well done. Shall we proceed?" Another nod and together we walk down the hall. I stumble and shake my head to clear it. Why do I suddenly feel dizzy? I dismiss the thought and draw the hood back over my face. Kikyo needs to die. Before she kills me.

Lady Chastity keeps sending me wary looks until I smile at her reassuringly and apologize.

"I am sorry. But you know how my sister can be." Looking slightly relieved she nods in agreement.

"Indeed. Now, where are we going?"

"We are going, my friend," I pause for effect. "To a place where we can vent our frustrations unto others." Lady Chastity stares at me for a while.

"We're going to kill someone."

"Quite true my dear, it is something that effortlessly relinquishes the torment in our souls."

"I'm not sure kagome. You are acting awfully strange. Peaceful. Irene you are never peaceful." I laugh, forcing myself to keep an edge of hysteria from the sound.

"It is because of our agreement, it has quite uplifted my spirits." Lady Chastity sighs.

"I hope you will not make me regret this Kagome." I smile back and take hold of her hand.

"Of course I will not! When this plan succeeds it will bring nothing but sweet success for the two of us!"

We make our way through the poor streets of the main city, our noses wrinkling at the stench of poverty. Today there do not seem to be quite as many people as there once were. Lady Chastity turns to me.

"So, once we have killed someone what will we do with the body?" This halts me for a moment as I consider it.

"I once threw a girl into the Sakura. They never found that one." Lady Chastity's eyes widen in shock.

"You killed a _girl_?!" I sigh irritably.

"She was a witness. It would have been dangerous to let her live." I narrow my eyes at my friend. "Have you not killed before?" Have I brought an amateur with me? This will not work if she is unable to do what is required.

Lady Chastity puffs up in indignation. "Of course I've _killed_ before. I just don't go around slaughtering innocent children."

"But this one wasn't innocent! She would have told someone and it would have ruined me!"

"Oh yes, tarnished your impeccable reputation I suppose." She puts on a false voice. "Oh no, don't go near to her she's a homicidal maniac." We glare at each other before carrying on.

We do not speak for a long time before we come across a fairly young man. He looks grimy and unkempt, obviously from working in the mines. He eyes Lady Chastity approvingly and lets out a low wolf whistle. I wonder why he does not even spare a glance in my direction. I then remember that I have my cloak on and he must assume that I am Lady Chastity's escort. For of course what self-respecting woman would walk around without a man for protection?

Chastity smiles at him and flutters her eyes delicately. Slowly, she strolls closer and the man's grin widens. I realize what her plan is and I skirt around them to the back of the man.

I creep closer and closer and Lady Chastity continues to flirt. I lift my knife and I'm to plunge it in when I stop. It does not seem fair to kill him from behind. Either way he will end up dead, but stabbing him in the back feel dirty. It feels dishonest.

So slowly, oh so slowly, I raise one hand. It trembles a little and then I let it fall onto his shoulder he turns and laughs slowly.

"Aw, come on Guv'nor. We was just playin'" The smell of beer pours off him in waves and he is obviously drunk.

Gently, I let my hood fall back and he stares at me in surprise.

" 'Ang on, you ain't a bloke. Ye're a la-" The rest of his sentence is cut off by my knife and his body hunches around it as he falls to the ground.

Lady Chastity and I stare at him for a moment and then each other. Our previous fight completely forgotten we laugh and admire our victim some more.

Then the problem of getting him to the Sakura arises. We didn't think and had happened to kill him right in the middle of town. A minor difficulty.

Eventually, we decide to take a leg each and drag him. On the way we meet a woman. She looks at us, more than a little horrified.

"A pub fight," Lady Chastity calls out in explanation. The lady nods in understanding and carries on her way. I look at Chastity admiringly. This is how we make a good team. She is cool headed and has such a sure way of speaking that people seem to often believe her. I am more skilled in the actual murdering. Though, she claims to have already killed I feel that it is still more my area of expertise.

We manage to get him to the river bank and heave him into the muddy water. More dirt swirls beneath the surface as his body hits the bottom. Another advantage of Lady Chastity: I could never have lifted him all by myself.

We stand there for a moment. Giving a minute of silence for our deed. The air is then punctuated by short claps. Sarcastic applause. Both of us whirl around in shock and freeze at the sight that meets us.

"Oh bravo," says Brother Miroku wryly. "Encore."

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I have spent the last few days trembling in fear. Supposing somebody discovered the deed that I had done!? Oh the horror of it! I wish that I could just go back and try again. Perhaps then I could have hit the man I was aiming at. The accursed Kouga. The only thing standing between me and Kagome. How I wish that by some miracle he would vanish! Life would have been so much easier were it he had not shown up! I feared for some short time that Irene had guessed it was me who committed that crime but thankfully she now seems to have banished the thought from her mind. And to think, that my life used to be dull…

**A/N: Please review! I want to know what you think!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	12. Chapter 12: Plots

Chapter 12: Plots

**A/N: Hello once more! Here is yet another chapter so enjoy!**

The three of us stand in the art room not speaking. Brother Miroku is smiling gently. It is the smile that worries me. I'm not sure if I can trust him. Lady Chastity is beside me her face expressionless. I seem to be the only one troubled by this. Eventually, Brother Miroku speaks.

"You were very relaxed." The two of us remain silent.

"Just because the person's dead does not mean it is over. It doesn't mean that you can drop your guard."

"But somebody saw us. We managed to save ourselves then."

"But Kagome that was one person. One with a simple mind I assume. What if you ran into someone who recognized you? How would explain the dead body then?"

"But nobody did recognize us." Brother Miroku's face starts to turn red.

"That is beside the point! Nobody recognized you this time I understand that but Kagome, you must see sense! What you repetitively insist on doing is dangerous! You cannot just dismiss it from your mind! You are digging a hole, princess. Don't make it so deep you can't climb back out." His eyes suddenly roll upwards and he slumps down towards the ground. Neither I nor Lady Chastity move to catch his unconscious body. We exchange looks and then simply walk away.

Out on the hall Chastity sighs and I look at her questioningly.

"You know he's right Kagome. We should have been more careful." I scowl at her.

"We were fine. We didn't see anyone who would know us and we hid the body well." Lady Chastity shakes her head.

"What Brother Miroku meant was if we plan to do something bigger. More dangerous, then we're going to have to plan it more carefully." My eyes widen.

"Then does he…?" Lady Chastity nods her head slowly.

"I think Brother Miroku has guessed what we plan to do."

"Then what happens now? What will he do?"

"I think… that he won't tell anyone." I look at Chastity and she stares back at me seriously.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I think we can trust him. He didn't say anything ordinary when he found us by the Sakura. He applauded us and let us go. If he wanted to turn us in we wouldn't have left his sight."

Lady Chastity and I look at each other in silence and then turn to go back to the art room.

Once we walk back in we see Brother Miroku heaving himself up with help of the tables. We each grasp an arm to help but he shakes us off coldly. Once he is up he marches back to his desk where we are studiously ignored. I pull up a seat and sit in front of him.

"We have to tell you something." Brother Miroku nods to continue.

"We-We want to kill my sister." He looks up and gently smiles.

"I know."

"We know that you know." I ignore how silly I sounded and keep staring into Brother Miroku's gaze.

"What is the plan?" He pushes all distractions to one side and leans across his desk towards us. Lady Chastity cuts in.

"You'll be helping us then?"

"Of course, you could consider murder a work of art. And I cannot let one of my students undertake such a complex project without teacher supervision."

The three of us smile subtly at his words and Lady Chastity and I take our leave. In the hall we separate and head I different directions. When I reach my bedchambers I decide. I will tell them my first plan tomorrow.

Inuyasha comes for a card game but I think neither of us are concentrating as hard as usual. This is odd because Inuyasha usually takes these card games very seriously. Come to think of it. He has been fairly distant in the past few days. Another unusual thing, for most days I cannot be rid of him. Anyway, I cannot be bothered with the strangeness of my husband. It is better that he does not stay with me while I am deciding on how to kill Kikyo.

The next day comes and I walk into the art room to see Lady Chastity and Brother Miroku already there. I join them and sit down at the table.

"Well ladies, what do we think?" begins the monk. I clear my throat softly.

"We could hire someone. I know that Kikyo is going for a carriage ride through the city the day after tomorrow. If we could someone and bribe him into assassinating her, the three of us could still be at the palace." Lady Chastity frowns.

"But what if they caught him and he told them that it was us who hired him?"

"That is why we need to be in disguise. We need to create a character that seems suspicious but wealthy enough for the man not to care. In short, we need to look like the typical evil." I smile sweetly at Brother Miroku and his eyebrows lower into a frown.

"So I'm the one who is going to hire this assassin?"

"Yes," I reply. "You are the ideal candidate. Your appearance and voice are perfect." Brother Miroku looks at me suspiciously.

"I have the suspicion I am being mocked." Lady Chastity cuts through our miniature argument with her own question.

"So, will you do it?" Brother Miroku sighs as if we have hefted a huge burden onto him.

"I suppose I must." I smile at him.

"You might consider finding one today as there is limited time till the parade." With more grumbles, the monk pulls himself out of his seat and hobbles out the door. Lady Chastity and I share a glance and then follow the example of the teacher.

A few hours later I am summoned from my sister's side. With great reluctance she lets me go. Ever since she was coroneted she has been patronizing me over my obvious lacking of a crown.

It was Brother Miroku who sent the message. I meet him in my chambers.

"How did it go?"

"I succeeded in finding a young man with in possession of a gun."

"Excellent. Does he know what to do?"

"I informed him of the times of the parade, the location of where Kikyo will be and the correct distance to shoot from."

"So no mistakes should be made."

"As little as possible. The man seems a little simple but it should be difficult for him to mistake the Queen.

"We will wait and see then."

The day of the parade the worst happened. Our foolish assassin could only load his gun with gun powder, not bullets. Kikyo was not harmed at all. Oh, the frustration of it! The man was caught and, as we had taken cautions was executed for not having a real person to blame. But why did he have to miss? Why was my sister allowed to live?

Lady Chastity and Brother Miroku both share my annoyance but not with the same passion as I. They do not have to put up with my sister on quite the same regular basis as I do.

The rest of the week is filled with Kikyo talking about how somebody had tried to do away with her.

"I-I didn't realize that- that somebody would hate me enough to do such a thing! Would you Irene?" She looks at me with shocked eyes and I know that she is enjoying this immensely.

"I would not think it possible for people to dislike you." I reply expressionlessly. She smirks and turns back to all her ladies in waiting.

"Of course, none of you have ever experienced such a heart breaking experience so you don't understand." One lady in waiting raises her head.

"My dad tried to kill me once. Had his hands round my neck and everything before Mum hauled him off. Nearly died I did. That's why I left to be a maid. I couldn't bear being in that house anymore." All the other girls nod their heads and murmur in agreement, most having been in similar situations.

Kikyo's lips grow thinner as others talk about their experiences. It is so typical. Even her attempted murder has to be bigger and better than the others'.

"But none of you are Queen," she cuts in. "If any of you died it would charted as one of the many deaths of the year. But if I were to die, then the whole country would be in chaos. My daughter being too young to rule, there would be no Queen."

"Kouga would take the position as ruler and the only chaos would be your funeral which everybody would have to stop working for the appropriate amount of days. Of course, they would not be paid for the work they do not do therefore less money to buy food and less food to feed families. Because of that, many of the poor families would begin to die of starvation or maybe even kill their babies for food. Your one death would cause hundreds of others but only in this kingdom. Whilst you being dead is not throwing the entire country into unbalance it would merely be charted as a great inconvenience." Kikyo looks at me for a while he lips going white with anger.

"That is what you think Sister?"

"It is not what I think, it is what is true. Therefore, it will certainly be useful to England if you refrain from dying until there is someone on the throne willing to allow the poor to keep working during your mourning. This is unlikely to happen as through history monarchs are usually narcissistic people who don't care at all what happens to the lower class. On the off chance you do die though there is a chance that I would share the crown with Kouga unless he is sent back to Germany as not being fit enough. If that would happen then I would hold the throne completely until another relative was of age to take over." Kikyo narrows her eyes.

"You seem to have given this considerate amount of thought." I give an ambiguous smile

"Kagura always told us to think ahead."

"I do not think she meant that far."

"You could never plan too much in advance. As Shakespeare said "Better three hours too early, than a minute too late." Kikyo blinks at me and I realize I have succeeded in thoroughly confusing her. She turns back to her maids.

"Ladies, I would like to be left alone right now. I feel a head ache coming." All the ladies in waiting take their leave and I trail behind them feeling significantly happier than I felt this morning.

Lady Chastity, Brother Miroku, and I avoid each other for the next few days. It's almost as if we cannot look at each other. We each feel that it is our fault. I do not the other reasons but I feel like I should have known this plan would go wrong, that I should never have suggested.

Brother Miroku and I meet one day the hall. Both of us stop. I could have said we both lowered our eyes in shame but that would be wrong. Instead seeing another seemed to make us realize that we didn't ruin. The other one did.

I glare at him and he meets mine with the expressionless gaze he always uses when upset. Then slowly, the cross looks vanish and instead we sigh together.

"My apologies Kagome," the monk begins.

"Mine as well," I reply. We do not say what we are apologizing for but I know that, for both of us still blame the other inside. But this will not help us. In this world we need allies. It is no use if the few we have do not forgive. Once you tell a friend your secret it is friendship for life. If you let them go you do not know what they might do.

We retrieve Lady Chastity and the three of us sit, once again, in the art room.

"What do we do now?" begins Lady Chastity.

"A useful question," remarks Brother Miroku wryly.

"And one we should answer," is my contribution. Another silence descends upon us until I speak up.

"I give us two days to think of something. We meet again here and share our plans. The best and simplest one we shall attempt to use." The other two nod in agreement. A few more moments of nothing and we all head our separate ways.

I sit in my bedroom and think. I try to come up with anyway that would be a fool proof murder. Maybe, we could get Brother Miroku to kill her as he killed Lady Turnbull. But I want to be there when she dies and she would _never _let me watch her get painted.

After a few more hours I am called to Kikyo's room. She stands there in a new gown. It is a delicate, pale purple, with a white underskirt, and drooping sleeves. She is admiring her reflection when I come in. She spins around smiling.

"Ah Sister! Is this dress not magnificent?" I smile grimly and agree. She glances over me and it is obvious that she is not impressed. I have got my maid back now but she doesn't care enough to try and make me as stunning as possible.

Kikyo spends several more minutes talking about her new dress until she bids me to sit. I do so and watch as she is fitted in some other queenly garments. It sickens me on how much these dress makers simper over her. How they want her approval even for the littlest thing. I do not understand why Kikyo wants me to sit and endlessly watch her get dressed. The only reason I can think of is that she wants to show off. She wants to tell me that even though we are sisters she is the special one.

When I am finally allowed to leave I am then assaulted by Inuyasha. Unfortunately he seems to have recovered a bit and he chats much more freely then he has done in the past few days. Then, he asks the strangest question.

"Kagome, have you ever… lost control of yourself and maybe-just possibly- considered killing someone?" He whispers the last phrase as if it is a curse and looks at me anxiously. Instantly, my back stiffens and I stare at him in shock.

"I have never just thought killed someone," I coldly reply. That is true. I have only ever murdered. Never just thought about it. "Why?" Inuyasha reddens instantly.

"N-No reason Kagome. Shall w-we play cards?" He clumsily grabs at a deck of cards and deals them. I accept my deck and we begin to play, but my mind isn't really on the game. Why would Inuyasha ask such a question? It is unnatural for him to actually think about something that serious. I had always known him as a typical male. Mainly interested in himself, drink, and making his voice heard. Anyway, I shouldn't worry over trivial things. I have more important thoughts on my mind. Like how to kill my sister.

The three of us meet again and do not even bother with formalities. Instead we all wait or somebody to go first with their idea. I start.

"The only thing I thought of was for Brother Miroku to paint her in poison. There are many things that can go wrong with that though." The monk in question sighed.

"I don't even have anything I am afraid." Lady Chastity too, shook her head.

"Then we need to think of something together. We _need _a plan." The others sense the urgency in my voice and nod in agreement.

"There has to be something that she would definitely fall for. A plan the curves itself around her personality," is Lady Chastity's first contribution.

"But what is a dominant part of her?" asks Brother Miroku. I smile. This is where I come in. Nobody knows Kikyo as well as I do.

"Vanity." The other two both look at me. "Kikyo is vain. We need something that appeals to her sense of narcissism."

"A new outfit," Lady Chastity comes up with. The monk contradicts her.

"Not different enough. We need some kind of new style. We want Kikyo to think that she is setting a new trend. It is harder to do that with clothes."

"Besides it is difficult to kill someone with a dress." I must not let them get too off topic. "We need something simple. Too complicated and there will be more mistakes to make."

"How will we kill her?" asks Lady Chastity.

"If we are to do it in the way of clothing strangulation would be best," speaks the expert monk.

"Then a new hat. A bonnet or such. Something that when we put it on her we can tie it too tightly and cut off her air," I say. It is perfect. But Brother Miroku speaks up.

"Designing a bonnet would mean writing out designs and then actually sewing it." I smile.

"This is where you two come in. Brother Miroku, you are an artist. Of course you can design a mere bonnet! And Lady Chastity, you were our other tutor, you can sew can't you?" She nods in agreement and I carry on. "I can go to my sister and disguise my voice. She never listens to me anyway and won't be able to tell if I wear my cloak. I can pretend to be a messenger for the latest French designer. Brother Miroku, you would draw the designs for me to bring and once they are approved Lady Chastity you would make it! Then, perhaps Lady Chastity and I could deliver it together. I wouldn't be strong enough to do it myself. Together, we would then tie the bonnet on, but we would tie it too tightly effectively killing her! A dead body cannot scream so we can slip out afterwards and then when the body is discovered we shall not be found because we were in disguise!" A silence follows my explanation and I wait anxiously.

"It could work," says one slowly.

"Yes, very possible," muses the other and I grin. We have got our plan.

I head back to my bedroom and change for bed. I stare at my reflection and smile widely. This has possibly been one of the best evenings of my life. We finally have our plot and there is little chance of it failing.

I climb into bed and pull the covers up to my chin. Staring at the ceiling, a small laugh escapes my lips. This will finally begin to change my life. And it will definitely be changing for the better.

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

I cannot believe the nearly fatal mistake that happened today! I quite almost told my wife of the terrible crime that I had done. Whilst doing so, for some bizarre reason I felt that she would understand. That maybe she could help me. But at her hard reply I realized that she would never help me. She lives in a world where she is given no help and offers none in return. I do not think that I can yet trust her with this dreaded secret of mine. As days go on the weight of it pushes me further and further down. I long to tell someone of it just to get the weight off of my chest but I not that I cannot attempt at that. You can never trust someone enough to give them the knowledge of murder. Oh what a cruel world it is that I exist in!

**A/N: Well, it's getting serious now! Please review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	13. Chapter 13:Proceed

Chapter 13: Proceed

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated for a few days! And like I said, I wrote this before making a fanfiction so please forgive any small mistakes made! I am changing the storyline a little too and its very difficult…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. **

In order for our plan to work we need to set it up. It is not something that can just be done spur of the moment. We need to plot and prepare different plans and backups. One of which is the bonnet itself.

It has to be different from the others in England in order to prompt Kikyo to agree. The three of us decided that it would be easier to draw the patterns of the hats beforehand and then simply write in her measurements before showing them to her.

So, Brother Miroku is working on drawing out several different patterns and Lady Chastity and I have to decide which one looked the most unique and interesting. But it has to be pretty too, if we want Kikyo to wear it.

Lady Chastity has also been working. She is picking out different fabrics that suited the tastes of my sister. Most of them are in varying shades of purple.

As for me, there is not much for me to do. I do not need to have a French accent for I can be an Japanese representative for the clothes maker. But I do need to sound like a man. Kikyo has lived most of her life around males so she would be able to tell the difference. As Brother Miroku draws he allows me to practice on him.

"Your majesty, my master's latest design is perfect for your country," I begin in the lowest voice possible. Brother Miroku laughs softly.

"Kagome, no man is that gruff. Your sister would catch on immediately." Lady Chastity offered her own tip.

"You need to keep your voice smooth. It has to be low but it cannot be as rough as you are trying to sound. Any man trying to sell something must sound refined. Their voices must be like chocolate, a deliciousness to hear." I laugh at her poetic words and try again. This time my voice is smooth but still too low to be natural. It takes several attempts to make it flawless.

"You must practice as often as you can," advises Brother Miroku. "It would not do for your voice to give out in the middle of talking to the Queen." I agree and sit to carry on speaking. If I practice to this extent it should be perfect by the time we are ready.

I am called from another game with my husband to the art room. Inuyasha looks at me questioningly as I rise without complaint and leave the room. In the hallway, Brother Miroku looks at me solemnly.

"I think we are ready Kagome. It is time to proceed."

"Good." I say no more and return to my room. Tomorrow, we shall begin.

My guise is different this time. I cannot wear my black cloak in the presence of the Queen. So, Lady Chastity and I put together a male's garment for me.

It has pale blue breeches with socks of a darker shade. The waistcoat is embroidered in gold and wrapped around a plain white shirt. We tie my hair back and manage to style till it looks like that of a man's. A mask made of matching material is fashioned and tied around my face. With this attire Kikyo should not recognize me.

On the way in I meet a guard.

"What business do you have?" he asks, holding one arm in front of me.

"Please sir," I begin. "My master is a French designer. He bid me come and offer his wares to the Queen. He has designed a new hat that he wants to spread to Japan." The guard hesitates. I know that he would love to send me on my way but he also knows of my sister's love of fashion. Her wrath would be something to be reckoned with if she learnt that a possible new trend had been turned away. I see his face set as he makes up his mind.

"Follow me," he barks and obediently I trail behind him. We arrive at Kikyo's chambers and he knocks on the door.

"Who's there?" my sister calls through the wood.

"A dressmaker's assistant your majesty."

"Clothes maker," I correct and he scowls at me.

"Clothes maker m'lady," he calls again. The door opens a little and one of Kikyo's maids pokes her head out.

"You may enter," she says is an affected voice. It is obvious that she considers herself above this guard. I leave his side and walk into the chamber.

Kikyo is sitting on a chair in the midst of many other women. I frown on the inside. They will have to go for this plan to be successful.

"Yes?" Kikyo is looking at me questioningly.

"Ah, um, yes. Good afternoon Your Highness." No, no, no! My voice is much too high" Lower, lower! I clear my throat hurriedly and continue.

"My master has designed a new fashion of bonnet. He-he would love for you to wear it before anyone else does." What a terrible start, it is too weak.

"Who is this master of yours?"

"Oh yes! His name is… his name is Jacques," I rack my brain for a French sounding surname. "Jacques Alphonse." Kikyo frowns a little.

"I have never heard of him."

"Of course you have not heard of him! He is new! He-he is unknown! He wants your beautiful face to be the thing that sets off his business!" I am barely hanging on here and with one false step everything will go wrong. Why am I so nervous? I do not think anything has worried me so much.

"What is this special hat you speak of?" asks Kikyo. Thank goodness she has not picked up on anything out of ordinary!

"It is a new bonnet Majesty," I say with a bow. "But," I look furtively around the room. "I do not want to show it with so many around." This is better. I am calmer now. Kikyo nods in understanding and claps her hands.

"Ladies, leave us!" They all stand and begin to file out until Kikyo points at one. "Except you. You will stand outside the door with the guard." Kikyo smiles at me coyly. "After all, it is improper for a lady to be completely alone with a gentleman."

"Quite so madam," I agree. "But I give my word as man that I will not do you harm." This again is true. The word of man does not stop a woman from doing as she wishes.

"So, may I see the bonnet?" Kikyo brings me back from my thoughts.

"But of course my lady." I produce a rolled up sheet of paper, on which Brother Miroku had drawn a copy of the best hat. My sister unrolls the paper and looks at the design greedily.

"Beautiful, I have never seen any quite like it."

"That is why my master sent it to you. He wanted you to be the first to approve."

"You can tell your master that I am eager to buy one."

"I shall have to measure your head if you do not object."

"Not at all." She leans her head forward and I pull out my tape measure. Carefully I wrap it around different parts of her head all the time writing down notes in a little book I had prepared.

"Done, shall I bring the fabrics for you to look at tomorrow?"

"That would be wonderful." She holds out her hand for me to kiss. Grimacing slightly I lean down and brush my lips across the back.

"Until tomorrow," I say smoothly and turn to leave before she calls me back.

"What is your name?" My inner conscience screaming in panic I turn calmly.

"It is, well, um, it is Yuki," I say using the first name I think of.

"Yuki, if it is not too rude. Why do you wear that mask on your face?" I try to look pitiful. I had prepared myself for this.

"When I was very little, I was trapped in a fire. It was a miracle that I got out alive but my face has been scarred ever since." I touch my face. "It is merely a matter of self-pride that I wear such a mask." Kikyo tilts her head to one side and looks at me in sympathy.

"We should always look our best shouldn't we Yuki?"

"I couldn't agree more You Highness." With those words I leave the room and head back to where I know Brother Miroku and Lady Chastity are waiting for me.

I hold up the book as I enter the room and the two of them almost melt in relief at my smiling face.

"I take that it was a success?" asks Chastity retrieving the notebook to pass it to the monk.

"It could not have been more. I was doing terribly when we began but after that it went on smoothly.

"We now have the measurements," Brother Miroku muses to himself. "This is going better than we anticipated." I nod and turn back to Lady Chastity.

"Do you have the bolts of fabric?"

"Yes, I have finished sorting them." She points to the corner where different colors and textures of fabrics are stacked.

"I will them up tomorrow."

"She expects us to be fairly fast working then."

"I think she expects that we are quick to prepare but slow down when we begin to make." Brother Miroku asks another question.

"Did she ask about your mask?"

"Yes, I told her it was the result of a bad burn."

"Wonderful, then tomorrow we shall carry on?"

"Tomorrow it is." We all say our goodbyes and part ways with light hearts. I do not think that any of us were expecting this to start off quite as well as it had done.

When I next see my sister I am carrying several bolts of fabric. She gasps in pleasure at all the new materials and immediately begins sorting through them.

We keep up a light conversation throughout the hours until she has narrowed her choices down to two.

"Wouldn't these look lovely?" She asks me as she sets them out. As I had guessed both bolts were purple. "If this," she points at a dark purple silk," was the main body and this", she points at some pale purple lacy material, "was the trim then it would be a simply magnificent combination!"

"I must say you day have an eye for color m'lady," I agree, looking over her choices. "The string of the bonnet must be darker though. It cannot be the same pale shade as the trim."

"Can it not?" Kikyo looks again at her selection. "I would have thought that a sensible choice."

"Ah, but a darker shade would set an undertone." I pull a dark purple silk cord from my pocket and set it on top of the fabrics. "Do you see what I mean?" Kikyo looks at it for a while and then nods.

"I do and you are correct. That will make a lovely string." I sigh in relief. Lady Chastity and I had picked this cord especially, as it should be sturdy enough to take the strain of strangling someone. I then realize that Kikyo is still talking.

"I hope it shall be ready by next week. There is a ride I would simply love to wear it too!"

"And then everyone will see you in your new hat!" I feign excitement. Kikyo laughs happily.

"Oh, it will be marvelous!" I stand up and retrieve my fabrics.

"I will not be seeing you for a few days then Majesty," I say before I leave. "But once the bonnet is done I shall return with a lady friend of my master's. She has a great eye for styles and will be able to tell you the best way to wear your hair in this hat." Kikyo nods again, smiling.

"I shall look forward to it."

"Until then my lady." I force a smile at the usual farewell and she returns it.

"Until then Yuki."

Back in the art room I give the chosen fabrics to Lady Chastity.

"She picked these ones. And she agreed to the cord." She takes the materials from me.

"Excellent, I shall begin right away."

"Where is the monk?"

"Asleep, I think the pressure of this project is getting to him." I nod slowly.

"It is difficult, despite the luck of this plan." Lady Chastity smirks in agreement.

"Quite so, I'm impressed he held out this long." The two of us laugh quietly together at the monk before I leave to allow Lady Chastity to work.

On the way back to my rooms I accidently bump into Kouga.

"Pardon me," he mutters before stopping and looking at me again. Oh no! He cannot recognize me. I tilt my face downwards so he cannot see my face.

"The fault is mine." I hurry off in my direction hoping he'll leave alone.

"Wait!" I groan. My prayers are never answered. Kouga comes back to stand beside me.

"Forgive me for saying this, but you look very familiar. Where have we met before?"

"It would be impossible. This is only my second visit to the palace." He frowns.

"Your face. It looks slightly familiar. What is your name?"

"Um, Yuki. I-I really must be going, my master is expecting me." I almost run down the hall before he can catch me again. That was too close. I can't let my guard down when dressed like this. I halt suddenly. Especially when going into my bedroom.

As quickly as I can, I tear my male clothing off and pull on the first dress I can reach. Once I am suitably dressed I brush my hair and run downstairs for dinner.

Once I reach the dining room Kikyo looks at me distastefully.

"I wish you would at least try to look presentable Kagome," she sneers before turning back to the woman on her right. "As I was saying, I am getting a wonderful new bonnet designed. It is by a new French designer!"

"Oh how wonderful!" her neighbor gushes. "Is the designer wonderful? How do you think you'll look in the bonnet? Simply wonderful?" Kikyo ignores the overuse of the word wonderful and carries on.

"I have not actually met the designer himself for he has an Japanese assistant called Yuki."

"And what is Yuki like? Is he wonderful?" Kikyo giggles and leans in so I have to strain my ears to listen.

"Don't tell Kouga but I am quite fond of Yuki. He is such a sweet man." I almost fall off my seat from trying not to laugh. If only she knew the truth! When the meal is finished I hurry to my room where I fall on my bed in helpless peals of merriment. I do not think my life has ever been better!

The next day Lady Chastity comes to visit me.

"The bonnet is finished Kagome. Are you ready?" I grin excitedly. This is it. The final stage of our plan. I can only hope that it will go as well as it has been.

I dress in my normal attire but this time we have to disguise Lady Chastity as well. We put as much white face powder as we can until her cheeks are as pale as a ghost. Then, large red rouge is smeared heavily onto her cheeks and lips. Using a little of my make-up we darken her eyebrows and draw a large beauty spot above her lip. We stack her hair into a huge mountain upon her head and admire her new appearance. Nobody could tell who it really was.

I had sent a message earlier telling Kikyo of the time to expect us. When we arrive she should have cleared the room.

As I had hoped, my sister had paid heed to my note and it was just the three of us. I pulled put the bonnet and Kikyo exclaimed in joy.

"Oh, it is just as pretty as I had hoped! I must try it on!"

"Allow us," I say pushing her into a chair. She shows no resistance as Lady Chastity and I slip the bonnet onto her head.

"As you saw in the diagram the bonnet string actually loops around the neck," I explain as I do what I mean.

"It needs to be quiet tight." Lady Chastity carries on, holding her end. With a nod from me we both begin to pull. Tighter and tighter until Kikyo begins to gasp. We move in front of her and lean back to pull even harder.

This is my dream come true. I am seeing my sister's eyes bulging from the stress; her lips starting to turn blue. But then, everything goes wrong.

In a burst of unknown strength Kikyo leans forward and slaps Lady Chastity's face. With a yelp, she drops her end of the cord and Kikyo can yet again breathe.

"Guards!" she yells. "Guards!" I grab Lady Chastity's hands and we run through the door pushing two guards to the sides. After a second of confusion they begin to pursue us. It is easier for me to run as I am in trousers but Lady Chastity is in a heavy gown. Her foot gets caught and with a cry she falls to the ground.

I run a few more feet before I realize what has happened. I turn to see the faster of the guards holding her down and stabbing her with his dagger. Over and over again the knife flashes and I see my only friend's blood spattering the floor. With a roar I pick up a decorative vase and smash it over his head. With a groan he too slumps to the floor. I kick him savagely and thanks to the blood slick floor he slides a good distance to rest at his companion's feet. The other guard looks at me a while before deciding to tend to his friend as I do to mine.

Gently, I cradle Lady Chastity's head in my lap and cry as she pants for breath. With every exhale blood bubbles from her lips and the spark in her eyes begins to fade. I gently touch the wrinkles by her eyes. No more smiling for Lady Chastity.

"I'm so sorry," I sob. "Lady Chastity, it was my entire fault!" I feel a weak hand grasp my wrist and I look back into her eyes.

"Go," she rasps. "Just because I die doesn't mean you should too. Leave me and go." I nod and make to move before she speaks one more time, her voice getting fainter and fainter.

"And Kagome, I think that now… you can call me… Sango." Her hand flutters from my wrist and her eyes lose everything. She is gone. I do not move but then I remember what I must do. I stand and continue running. I manage to turn a corner before the guard realizes I am gone.

I make it into my bedchamber and I tear the clothes off and change in record time. I grab my fire poker and scream before crashing my window with it. It is back by the fire and I am against the wall by the time the guard makes it in.

"A man! A man in blue clothes just ran in and broke the window!" I shriek. The guard rushes to the window and peers out but can see no one.

"Are you all right?" he asks seriously and I nod before bursting into more tears.

I cry for Lady Chastity- no, Sango. Who is dead. Completely stone cold. Not breathing. Dead. She is not fine. No, not at all. But me, yes I am the one who is alright.

A Page out of Inuyasha's Journal

There was another attempt on the Queen's life today. It was the man helping her with her new bonnet and another lady who was with him. Apparently they tried to strangle her and she barely escaped with her life! They managed to catch and kill the woman, who did not have the same freedom of movement as the man. In a fit of rage, the assistant succeeded in killing one of the guards. And lo of los! When they wiped the makeup off of the woman's face it was Lady Chastity! It was a shock to everyone! Nobody was able to capture the man who ran into Irene's room and broke a window to get out. Kagome was in hysterics but I do not think it was because of that experience. Because this time I really think… that the mastermind behind this task… was her.

**A/N: NO FLAMES PLEASE! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter…until next time!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	14. Chapter 14: Guilt

**Chapter 14: Guilt **

**A/N: I'm back and have my lovely edited full version! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

Why is the world so cruel, as to take my only friend from me? Does it take pleasure in my pain? Is fate laughing quietly behind my back? Brother Miroku offers no consolation for I feel he is almost as shaken as I. The whole court is scouring the country for the man with the scarred face. They search and I, the culprit, shake in my bed, cold sweat soaking into the pillow beneath me.

I am locked in the past. I cannot sleep for each time I do Sango's still face stares at me. Her eyes haunt me with every step I take. I cannot be free of the guilt.

I am out of bed and I stumble to a mirror. What face is that? The one that looks back at me. It could not be me. That person is a monster. I am not a monster. Am I?

No, that is I. The beast in the looking glass. It is all me. I am the true killer of my one friend. All this time I was killing her. It was me who pushed her to this task. If she had not have met me then she would still be here. Her eyes would still be crinkling at the edges and her smile as friendly as before. But she is no longer.

I cannot bear the look of myself! I smash the mirror with my fist and blood runs from my knuckles. A fractured piece falls from the frame and I look at that face, that face! again.

I pick the glass up and carry it back to bed. I climb in not caring about the blood that stains the sheets. I stare at the creature in the shard. I cannot fight it if I am afraid. Still staring I begin to sing, softly, so softly.

"The nightingale no longer sings.

Her wings no longer fly.

No beat of her heart is heard.

And for that a child must die.

And with that death of the songbird.

It summons the pain from up high.

In this world that we say hello.

But we must also say goodbye."

I remember singing that as a child. When Kikyo and I were still friends we would skip to it. When you sang good bye you ran from the rope without being hit. When you are young, you do not realize how true these songs are.

I clench my fist forgetting the piece of mirror. The blood trickles down and drips off the pointed edge. I watch the drop fall and spread on my sheet. Chastity, I'm sorry.

Inuyasha's POV:

I think back to all the strange murders that have occurred. Starting from the maid in Kagome's bedroom it all makes sense. All these murders have had something to do with her! We were just too dense to see it. I do not know what she plans to do next. If I could I would help her. But why? What she is doing and what she has done is terrible. But I love her. It is a battle of reason in my head. Is it possible to love someone as much as I love my wife?

Perhaps I should speak to her. Maybe I can force her to see what is right. It is worth it all. I need her to understand that what is happening should stop. Can I make her calm down? Is it possible for me to persuade her into just being a normal woman?

Maybe, if I can be with her more often I can guide her away from the path she has chosen. There is still the chance that she could love me. People change. And I do love her. Will my love be enough for the two of us?

It is hard to tell with my wife. You can never see what is happening in her mind. She is getting dangerous. It is up to me to help her. I am assuming that she had befriended Lady Chastity in order for assistance. Lady Chastity was helping carry out a murder. And then the victim killed Kagome's only friend. It would be enough to tip anyone over the edge. And Irene has been balanced precariously there for such a long time now.

It is most probable that this final act has tipped her over. She needs help. Not just someone to catch her when she falls, but someone who will carry her home as well. I will be that someone. It cannot be anyone. Anyone would give up if she does not recuperate right away.

It takes someone who adores her as much as I do, to be able to sit beside her and listen to everything that went wrong. It would have to be me; I would be able to listen to the most horrifying secrets and keep them. I would never betray her for anything. Even if Kagome held me back from a place at the throne I would be alright. Because if she could grow to love me in return then I would not need a kingdom. Kagome often quotes Shakespeare so here is my contribution. 'My crown is called content, a crown that seldom kings enjoy.' That shall be my life once Kagome is well. I shall be sure of it!

For while Kagome does not want me, she does need me and for that I would tear the world into pieces to reach her lost soul. For often in the stories, need seldom does not turn into…love.

Kagome's POV:

I cannot face anybody. My face is that of a murderer and anyone would be able to tell in a second. The death of my friend cut my heart into pieces. Pieces that can never be put back together.

I wander for days, locked inside my bedroom. I do not eat and gradually grow thinner and thinner. I cannot see how I look for my mirror still lies in pieces on my floor. Sometimes I step on them and I watch more blood stain the already rusted ground.

And then one day I can no longer stand it. Using two shards the bigger of the two is placed in front of me so I can see my face. The narrower, sharper bit is in my hand.

I look worse than I had thought. My hair is greasy and straggly and my face is stained brown from crying into bleeding hands. My eyes are almost as dead as Sango's. I take my mirror dagger and use it to cut strips of skin off my face. Blood rushes from my cheeks and I smile. The murderer can no longer be seen. The murderer is disfigured. I shall not be haunted by her again.

The bleeding stops and I pick up the glass to admire myself once more. My mouth slowly drops open as I look on in horror. A scream escapes my lips but I cannot tear myself away. Yes it is true, the killer can no longer be seen; but the beast is still there. It is like there was a monster, just underneath the skin of the murderer. I succeeded in be ridding myself of the former but the latter is even worse.

With a cry of fury I throw my looking glass piece against the wall and it shatters. I run to the area of wall it hit and beat it repeatedly with my hands.

"They all hate me! Nobody is there for me! She was the only one. And you killed her!" I sob helplessly and run to my window. My hands find the latch and throw it up. Frigid air rushes in great waves around me and I shriek out for the world to hear.

"Why do you hate me? What have I done? Why? Why must I be the one to suffer?" Many people stand beneath my window and stare upwards. I ignore them and carry on with my rant. "I only wanted love. You took that out of reach but still kept it in sight. You taunted me with it. You played games with me. I asked for friends and I got it. You let me play for a little while but then you broke them! You broke my toy!" My voice gets quieter and quieter as I carry on. I do not know who I am talking to anymore.

I ignore the strange looks I receive from the observers below and withdraw myself back into my room. I am not sure if they recognized me, my disfigured with all the cuts. They will heal though, I had not sliced deep enough for them to remain ugly. People will be able to see me again. The fear that tears at my insides will never relent. It will never slow down for me to catch my breath. What is wrong with me?

There is no answer to that. No one including me knows it. There is no solution to the riddle of life. It is gradually worked out as years turn into decades. Each day brings another subtle hint. There are some that figure their riddle ahead of time. They are the lucky ones. The rest of us flounder in the mystery, desperately keeping their heads above water. But, we all drown in the end.

Inuyasha's POV:

I remember when I first met Kagome. I did not like her. She was cold hearted and unsocial. My eyes were sorely set on her sister who had the advantage of beauty and a crown. But then Kouga came along. I had been the most favored of Kikyo and then it was all gone. All my careful planning had gone to waste.

And then Kagome stepped in. I was still not fond of her. There was something about her that was cruel. Something in her eyes that was not in most. She offered me a deal. Ordinarily, I would not have accepted but I was angry. I find it amusing now, that it was anger that brought me to her.

We attempted at plans to ruin the love between the other two. They were pathetic, mild plans. Harmless. That's right. Kagome was harmless back then. She was not kind but she couldn't hurt.

And then there was the final plot. The one that had to work. The one that would put Kouga in worst light. I was afraid. I could not kiss Kagome. It was a frightening thought I had never considered. But when Kikyo walked in I did not give myself time to think. I leaned in as quickly as I could.

And our lips touched. I t was magical. But not in the way disgusting novels speak of. It was in the way of harsh reality. When what you have been hiding from suddenly strikes you in the face and you realize that you can no longer hide. But it was then that I realized that I was in love with the one person I should avoid. It couldn't be helped though. When you are in love reason no longer applies. It is one of the most uncontrollable emotions.

I could feel myself getting more and more nervous. I could feel sweat collecting in the palms of my hands. But worst of all I was afraid that Kagome did not feel anything of the sort at the moment our lips connected. But I could not stop. I could tell that this was most likely the last time I would ever get this close.

Kikyo pulled me off and I ran. But it was not the run we had planned. I was afraid, afraid that if I looked back at Kagome everything would go wrong. I would lose myself and the secret would be out. I couldn't let Kagome be cross with me. I wanted her to love me, not hate.

She was angry though. When the plan backfired and Kouga and Kikyo got engaged she was furious! It was terrifying and I didn't dare go near her. I would have thought that would be enough to put me off her; but for some reason it did not.

But that was how, that was when; I first fell in love with my wife.

Kagome's POV:

Dying, dying. That is what we are always doing. With some it is quick, and with others it is slow. With Sango, we had no idea, how quickly her life was ending. She was normal she was healthy. Sand running steadily from one bulb to another. But then somebody knocked her hourglass to the ground. It smashed and her life was over.

Some people get a crack in theirs. It comes through as illness and they lie in their bed feeling their life slip away. It is not painful but the anticipation must be hard enough. To know that there is no cure and that you will die soon. As you lie there you remember all the things you could have done. Everything you planned to do and never got round to it.

And then there is the rest of us. We stand firm. On a shelf filed away with many other lives. We stay still as the others crash and shatter around us in the chaos which is life.

I used to be proud that I was one of the strong ones. I was the hourglass that stayed. While other ones were taken off the shelf I remained, laughing at those weaker than I. But now, I realize that my hourglass is not as powerful as I thought it once was. It is now shattered. The glass that once shone in its glory is patterned with the cracks and chips of life. Sometimes, I can hear it crack a little more. It crackles and my head twists and twines in the shards. I will die. My hourglass will run out. The thought frightens me and I pretend it does not exist. I settle back on my pillows with the reassuring thought that I am all right

But as I lie in my bed reality strikes me once more. My time is being used up. My life is slipping rapidly away. I must do what I can! I cannot wallow in my misery until I die. Sango, I do not think she would want that.

I untangle myself from bedclothes and sit in front of my mirror.

I touch my face. I touch my lips. _Lips that had laughed alongside hers._ I take the never used stain and carefully brush it on my mouth. My finger strokes the edge of my eyes. _Her eyes had crinkled when she smiled. _I take a little pot of black face dye and make them more noticeable. I apply powder along my cheeks, to attempt and cover my wounds, and look at myself. I am suitable.

I head to my wardrobe and pull out the only gown that had ever suited me. The blue one that I wore to Kikyo's engagement party. The dress I wore when I murdered my first victim. There is an ugly dark stain down the front. It obscures the true beauty of the dress but the stain becomes me as me. The stain is as dark is I feel.

My hair I brush solemnly. I do not think I have the time to wash it and so I do not do so. It is dirty and greasy but as I style it looks a little more presentable.

I stand and look at my reflection once more. Then, I laugh quietly. I cannot go barefoot! I open a cupboard and take out Kagura. I place my hand against the glass and admire her discolored skin.

"It would be most un-ladylike do you not agree?" I whisper. Kagura does not reply but her head rolls slightly to one side.

I put her back and smile, it is time to step out and re-enter the world of the living. It is time to live.

Inuyasha's POV:

I had realized that I could not simply ask Kagome to be mine. She would never in her right mind agree. So, I went to her father. As different as she might have been not even Kagome could ignore the will of her father. So, I asked him and he readily agreed. I think it might have been that he was afraid that she would never get married.

But when he announced the marriage, Kagome's reaction was worse than I had expected. She had run out of the room, humiliating her and me.

And then there was the murder. I had not suspected that it would have anything to do with Kagome. I had thought that it was just a cruel twist of fate. How stupid I was. If I think back I see how many murders were revolving around her. How many horrible things 'coincidentally' occurred when she was around? Too many, I realize now, to be a true coincidence.

Many nights I lay awake hoping that one day I may fall out of love with her. It was too dangerous for me. I do not know what will happen next with her. She is so unpredictable it is almost frightening. But yet, I cannot. It is seemingly impossible. I know there are many out there who hate her. But I am not one of them. I do not actually think I ever have been.

I know that Kagome thinks I'm an idiot and ungainly. I know she feels that I am merely a nuisance she cannot be rid of. But I understand her more than she thinks. She does not know that whatever she has done I will always be there for her. That is the depth of my love. Whatever she has done, whatever crimes committed I will stand behind her. I wish that she would understand that.

But I cannot fully believe that it was all her fault. A woman would never be able to do that completely alone. She must have had someone helping her. Lady Chastity is dead and besides, the two together would not be enough. The only other person she could have used assistance from is… him. Yes, it must be him. It could not be any other. Kagome does not have as many friends as I would have liked. He is one of the few that I have seen with her.

I must find him! How dare he manipulate my wife! The fury that is suddenly resting in my heart takes me by surprise. I did not know that I could get that angry so quickly. I calm my racing heart and leave my room. I must find him! I have to make him pay for what he did to my wife!

KPOV:

I leave my room and walk down the hall. He is the only one who can help me right now. I need him.

IPOV:

I walk swiftly towards the right area of the palace. I cannot let him continue to manipulate Kagome.

KPOV:

He will end up helping me. He always does. As much as he tries to stay out of it he always comes back.

IPOV:

He should never have been allowed in this castle. Someone with as much evil should not even be on this earth!

KPOV:

Sometimes, I almost feel sorry for him. I do not think that by coming here he thought that this would happen.

IPOV:

I bet he came here just to weasel his way into this family! And of course he took Kagome as the weak link!

KPOV:

But then again, why would a monk come to a palace as an art teacher? He must have had some reason.

IPOV:

He probably isn't even a monk! I have never even seen him near the church! He is not very holy for a man in that profession.

KPOV:

I have never heard of a monk killing anyone. They are usually such peaceful men. He appears to be the only exception.

IPOV:

Who does he think he is? Just coming in here and using my wife! He must have watched and found out that she was troubled. That was why he went for her!

KPOV:

I always knew that he hated Kikyo. But now I wonder if he ever really liked me? He helped me, but what if it was just because we shared a common enemy?

IPOV:

The evil man seems to have cast a spell on the court. I had never even considered the horrible thought of murder until he came. Now I have the blood of a courtier on my hands.

KPOV:

Although, he might not like me, he still has to help me! Kikyo is not dead yet. There is still so much we must do!

I bet it was his idea! To kill in the first place. As I said, Kagome might be strange but she is still a woman. They do not think of things like that.

KPOV:

There is the art room. We can discuss the next plan now. I will make sure he does not disagree.

IPOV:

Is that him? I would have thought to have found him in his room but apparently not.

KPOV:

Hmm, he's not here. I wonder… I will find him though. He will be somewhere in this palace.

IPOV:

I reach out my hand and take hold of his shoulder. I can feel the knobbles of his spine beneath my palm.

KPOV:

I continue to look for him. It is unusual for me to take this long to look.

IPOV:

He turns and I can see in his eyes he has a feeling of why I'm here.

KPOV:

Where are you?

IPOV:

Brother Miroku.

**A/N: Ok, so does that count as a cliff hanger? I don't know, this story is about to come to its gruesome end so wait until tomorrow! (Or later today, depends on how I feel…) ;)**


	15. Chapter 15: Realization

Chapter 15: Realization

**A/N: Ok, so this chapter I feel is going to cause flames. If you even care enough to flame I suppose. Anyway, please, if you do care, keep your flames to yourself. It is all relevant to the plot. And now…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

It is rare for the monk to venture far from the art room. I continue out and back down the hallway. I was so confident that I would find him yet now that I think there is nowhere that he could be. He had always been in the art room.

I do not really know what to do. I had dressed myself up with one purpose in mind. To find Brother Miroku. Now, that he has vanished I am a bit lost and stand silently for a while. A maid notices me and walks closer cautiously.

"Miss, are you all right? Miss?" I return to present and glare at her.

"I'm fine." I push her brusquely to one side and then, much to my humiliation, fall. She helps me up and I look at her properly. She is quite young. Obviously she has not worked here long enough to have learned to avoid me.

"You're not fine Miss. Look at you! Your just skin and bones! My mother always spent her money on food if she got it. She told us, me and my brothers, that you could do anything with a full stomach. That was the-" Suddenly she stops and brings a hand to her mouth.

"Begging your pardon Miss. Before I left here my mother even told me to watch my lip! Ever so sorry!" I shake my head slowly.

"No matter. Please continue." She looks at me cautiously before noticing the old blood on the front of my dress and the flow of chatter increases.

"Oh Miss! Did you hurt yourself? It looks old mind you. Why'd you wear a dress like that? If you give it to me, Miss, I can take to a maid we can strip it and use the nice rags for something new. Here, if I take you back to your room we'll get you out of it and then find a nice clean gown." She halts and laughs self-consciously. "'Scuse me Miss but what's your name?" I look at her for a while before answering.

"I am the Queen's sister, Princess Kagome." Instantly, her expression changes into one of panic. Struggling to keep an indifferent expression the girl curtsies.

"Begging your pardon My Lady but- I –I won't be able to help you with that. Just a scullery maid I am. Not-Not my place to fiddle with that kind of stuff." I place a hand on her shoulder.

"I do not mind. I would appreciate your help." She ducks away from my hand and steps away from me.

"No really," she says quietly. "I am not supposed to help you." She turns and runs, leaving me feeling more hurt than I would have thought at the double meaning in her words. She had obviously been warned and, not knowing my appearance, merely placed me as a slightly troubled Lady of the Court.

I stumble again as I head back to my room. I had not realized, so lost in a hatred haze, that people were afraid of me. That I was someone mothers warned their children about.

I make it back and find another fragment of mirror. I look at myself. What a foolish maid. With a face like mine, the skin just scabbing over, despite my attempts with the powder, you would think she would avoid me. I despise the kind ones. I loathe the people that seem like they have been placed on this earth merely to love. I wouldn't have thought it impossible. But, thinking back, when she learnt who I was she hadn't seemed repulsed. After fear her only expression… was pity.

I cry out and lash at my curtains. I forget about the shard in my hand and it pulls at the heavy cloth. It makes a beautiful sound as it tears. Almost like a muted growl.

My hand opens and I feel myself smiling. I see fingers touch the fabric. Whose? My eyes follow the fingers to a hand, a wrist, an arm, and then to me. Mine. They are my fingers. My smile widens and gently I stroke the curtain. There is still one last chance. Brother Miroku has not left me yet.

But then I frown. I could not find him. He has not left me, has he? He wouldn't. He couldn't. Would he desert me?!

I pull out Kagura again and stare at her. I have been speaking to her more often. She is the only one who listens to me. This makes me laugh because when she was alive nothing I said would be important enough for her to remember. Gently, I place my head on my table and begin to stroke the glass in front of her mouth. Then, a thought strikes me and I sit up.

"Kagura?" I begin but her head is turned around. I scowl in annoyance and shake the jar until she faces the right way. Her eyes roll around a little before settling upwards once more. I give a huff of annoyance but dispel it from my mind and ask my question. "Were you ever loved?" I giggle slightly. I wonder if she was. I imagine a distraught lover still looking for his beloved. The one who went to the palace and never returned. I smirk at her and carry on. "He probably thought you ran off with someone else. Men will always think that. The rest of the kingdom eventually comes to the conclusion you died, but he will always know you left him for another man. Probably one better off than him." I laugh again and poke her cheek. "He hates you!" Kagura does nothing and I change my position so our eyes meet. I lean down until my nose touches the glass. "Or maybe you loved someone who didn't love you." One hand creeps up and covers my mouth in mock humility. "Then I granted you a favor did I not? You shan't have to face him anymore." I pull away and pick Kagura back up to put in the cupboard. Just before I shut it I say one last thing. "You hated me before, but you have to listen to me now. There's nothing you can do. I control you. You-You're mine." I slam the door and lock it.

Back at my table I sigh and stare at my fingertips. So normal, they look like everyone else's. But they have held knives. They have been splattered with blood, both mine and others. Yes, my fingertips are special. I kiss them lightly and wrap them carefully in a blanket. Falling backwards onto my bed I stare at my ceiling. I am bored. I want to do something now. But what? Brother Miroku is unable to be found at this precise moment.

I might as well become more presentable. I call my maid and she enters. Her expression turns to one of pure terror as she takes in my bedchamber. One curtain has been pulled to the ground and ripped in two. My mirror lies in scattered fragments on my floor. I myself sit, huddled in my covers, dirty hair framing my face and my eyes half shut from exhaustion.

"Y-You called My Lady?" The maid begins stuttering slightly. I drop the blankets away and attempt a kind smile.

"Yes I did. Will you help me bathe?" Her face remains a mask of fear as she nods dumbly. I stand up and allow her to strip my gown from my body and fill the basin with warm water. Gently, she begins to wash my hair and I feel her shudder in revulsion.

"You… have not been taking care of yourself My Lady," she says timidly.

"It is not your place to comment." I swish my hand slowly beneath the water.

"Is it not my place to ask what happened to your face either My Lady?" Her voice is soft. She doesn't dare raise it any higher.

"Certainly not." My voice is also quiet, but I know that she can hear the edge in it. She swallows loudly before saying something so unexpected I freeze for a moment.

"If you wait a moment My Lady, I will get some poultice to put on it." I am shocked at this sudden display of kindness and do not reply. She takes that as agreement and leaves.

I remain in my bath not moving. Why is everyone stubbornly remaining caring towards me? They are all afraid but for some reason pity me. Before Chastity died there was no pity. Only terror and that was what kept me happy.

The maid returns with a bowl of some mixture. She looks at me questioningly and when I make no move to protest dips her fingers in. They emerge covered in strange pale paste and gently she moves forward to spread it over my face. It is cold but stings as it touches the still tender areas of my cheeks.

I shut my eyes and give into the pain. It is not extreme but it is strangely soothing. It lets me know that something is solid in life. The only two things you can count on in life, is death and taxes. That is what Shakespeare said. It is true, but there is one more thing. You will always be able to count on pain.

People sometimes say that they are too numb to feel it when they get hurt. But that is because the pain on the inside is so much that it is impossible to feel much more. It is so rare to experience this kind of pain. After all that has happened to me though, I do not think it has ever hurt that much. When I cut my face I pretended that it did not hurt, but it did, in the very bottom if my heart. The part that I had banished. There it had screamed in agony.

My lips part and I let out a small sigh. The fingers rubbing the ointment into my face hesitate.

"Does it sting, My Lady?" The maid's voice is trembling; she is probably wondering what urged her to do this. I open my eyes again and smile slightly.

"Not at all, please continue." Her hands leave my face and her expression is apprehensive.

"I think that is enough My Lady, wait for a moment and then we'll wash it off."

"Why must we wait?"

"Because we need to give it time to work My Lady, if we put it on and take it off there is not time for your cuts to stop fighting it and accept it."

"That makes no sense. Wounds are unable to fight."

"Well My Lady, I think that it means you are not willing to accept the medicine and it takes a while before you give up."

"But I am more than happy to receive this treatment. You may wash it off now."

"No, My Lady! You do not understand! What I mean is that although you might want it, you're body does not always obey your mind. I do not think it is ready yet. If we wash it off now it will most definitely burn!" I look at her in interest.

"Then take it off immediately. I would like to feel this burn." It sounds so odd as I say it out loud but I want to feel pain again. I like pain; it doesn't let the standing of the world affect it. The maid looks at me strangely.

"Do you _like_ getting hurt, My Lady?" I sigh and am silent for a long time.

"Yes," I finally reply. "When I am hurt I know that I am still here. That I am still living. Because if I wasn't here I would not be able to feel pain. I like knowing I am alive." The maid sighs and wets a cloth to begin washing my face.

"You don't need to injure yourself to know that, My Lady. As long as people talk to you you must be alive. There are many other nicer ways to know yourself."

"But this is the easiest. I do not talk to people. I have not done anything spectacular. I have not painted a masterpiece; I have not sewn the most exquisite sample; I am not Queen."

"You don't need to be known by everyone My Lady. As long as there is just one person that will always be there when you feel like you don't exist."

"But what if there is no such person?"

"My Lady! There will always be one person. Everyone in this world has a true love. Everyone has a person that will be there for them whenever. The one person that loves you more than the sun; the one person who loves you more than the air they breathe, than they food that keeps them content, the clothes that keep them warm in the winter. That person will always be there!" I push myself up until I am sitting to look at her.

"Do you honestly believe that?" She forces herself to meet my eyes.

"With all my heart My Lady. If I wait, I will find my person. I will find my love." I laugh quietly and look at her once more.

"How old are you girl?"

"Nineteen My Lady." I sit up even straighter and lean over the edge of the bath towards her.

"And what is your name?"

"Ari, My Lady."

"Well Ari, when you grow up you will learn that there is no happy ending in this life. You may find your true love, but he might never love you; and even if he did it will never be as much as you love him. I am impressed young Ari. You are brave to dare look at my face and tell me these lies."

Ari's eyes are black with fury. She stands at looks at me with sudden hatred. I lean back again and lazily swill my hand around, breaking the skin atop my bathwater.

"You forget my dear, that although you are kind, and I appreciate that, you are still young. Young and naïve. And a maid. To look me in my eyes and contradict my very word, yes a very daring girl, very daring…"

"If you do not wish for my help." Ari's eyes are now lowered, but her voice is still tight, angry.

"I never said I didn't. I think I am clean now. If you would help me dress and style my hair."

"I didn't think that you would like such a rude maid to assist you." I laugh.

"I never said that you were rude. I said you were brave. Did your mother not teach you to watch your words?"

"She told me that the world should hear what I have to say and I should be proud to speak it."

"An extraordinary woman. When you next see her, tell her I am amused by her parenting."

"She is dead."

"Ah, a pity. We could have used a mind as wise as that. When did she die?"

"Only a few days ago."

"Oh dear, and why are you not at home comforting other family members."

"It is not becoming of me to ask for days off for such a trivial matter."

"So true, many people die in this time. What is one more?" As we speak Ari is dressing me but her hands pause as they tie my under dress.

"She was amazing. When I was born my father wanted to throw me out because I was a girl and not useful, but my mother hid me in a back room and told him it was already done. He does not know I exist and my mother thought it better to keep it that way."

"I see where your fearlessness came from. It takes a strong woman to lie to her husband like that." Ari gives an almost inaudible sigh and fetches one of my dresses. "What is the matter now?"

"Talking about her makes me wish that I was there when she died. She would have liked that. I feel as if I have almost betrayed her."

"What was it she died of?" The maid suddenly pulls the laces of my dress tightly and I gasp a little for air. When she speaks again her voice is rough with concentrated fury.

"I have four brothers. Each one of them is working in the mines. My mother used to save all the best bits of food for them. With me gone there was no one to make her eat herself. She always ate the scraps to try and keep her sons as healthy as she could."

"So she died of malnutrition?"

"That and exhaustion. I did not know she was gone until yesterday, when my eldest brother came. I would have forgiven him. But before he left he told me not to cry. 'She was but a woman,' he said. 'Better she died than one of us.'" Ari's voice breaks in the telling. "He felt no misery at my mother's death. To him she was the person who merely supplied him with food and water."

Strangely, I find myself almost feeling sympathy for this young girl.

"Do you enjoy working here in the palace?" Ari dips her head.

"It is the best place a girl can work."

"But for you?"

"It is the best place for me," her voice is firm and I know she feels she has said too much. "I will leave now."

"Very well, thank you for dressing me." She curtsies slightly and head to my door, but before she leaves she turns around and looks at me.

"I know you will never believe me My Lady. But if you wait you will find the one person who truly adores you. There is always one for every person. You say they won't love you back, but I think that that is because you have the wrong person. So My Lady, just wait a little. Because the one person will come for you. It does not matter if you are nineteen or forty he will come. So please, do not give up on him just yet." She curtsies again and leaves. I smile. Who in this world could possibly love me?

Inuyasha's POV:

Brother Miroku looks at me for a long time in silence. I step closer and closer until he has to strain his neck in order to look up at me.

"What is it you want?" he asks. His voice is quiet, calm.

"You are close with Kagome are you not?"

"And why does that concern you?" The control in his voice angers me and I snap at him.

"It has everything to do with m e, I am her husband!" He shuffles backwards to look at me.

"I do not think so."

"In what way?! I am the one who wears a similar ring! I am the one who stood beside her at the altar. Kagome is my wife!"

"You are not her husband. You are merely the man who married her."

"And that does not make me her husband?"

"I do not believe so, because for all the years you have spent together, has any proof of love been shown?"

"I have always loved her."

"Ah, but has she you?"

"She will love me eventually."

"Can you be so sure? Was it Irene, who pushed for this wedding?"

"No. But years have passed since then!" Brother Miroku chuckles slightly.

"I wonder…why are we speaking of such trivial things? You did not find me simply to argue." I nod in agreement.

"Why are you ruining my wife?" He turns and frowns up at me.

"In what way do you mean?"

"I know that Kagome has been the one killing all these people."

"And instantly, you blame me."

"A mere woman would not be able to think and carry out these things!" Brother Miroku shakes his head.

"You really do not know anything about Kagome, my Lord." My mind clouds with anger.

"Do you know," I begin quietly. "That I would have forgiven you? If you had just left it would all have been fine."

"And what way do you mean?" My hand creeps beneath my clothes and touch the blade of my knife. I look into Brother Miroku's eyes. They are still as crystal violet as they have always been. He knows what I mean, but still, he feigns ignorance.

I pull the dagger from my belt and stab blindly. My blade meets his skull and I hear the sharp crack of bone. Brother Miroku falls to the ground and blood runs thickly into his eyes. Eyes that are filled with pain. He is not dead yet. I snatch at the front of him and pull him closer to me. I want him to feel the pain that I had always felt. I want him to be punished for the pain he brought upon this palace.

I take my knife and cut a slit in his throat. It opens his trachea gently and I am careful to avoid the arteries that would kill him almost instantly.

He makes whistling noises as the breath leaks out from the wound in his neck. It gets more frequent and higher pitched as he begins to panic. His chest rises desperately as it fights for the air it cannot receive.

I watch in silent horror as the monk's lips turn blue. His eyes roll manically in their sockets and his mouth is open. Saliva and blood foam at the corners of his mouth and he coughs, sending the mixture spewing to the floor.

I throw him to the ground and press myself to the opposite wall. What have I done?! But I keep on watching. I watch as the monk writhes on the floor in torturous jerks. I watch as, out of panic, he slumps unconscious. I watch, as he dies.

**A/N: Don't kill me! Only a few more chapters to go! Like I said before, please go and read my other story: The Magpie's Broken Wing! Bye!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	16. Chapter 16: Reality

Chapter 16: Reality

**A/N: Well, two chapters in one day! Not bad!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

I stare at myself for a long time. It has been so long since I last washed that I am unused to being clean. It feels a little strange. I look out of place in my destroyed bedroom.

I look at my clock but do not take note of the time. I wonder if Brother Miroku will be back in the art room by now. It is unnatural for him to leave for so long. His back pains him if he walks too far so he is always in the same area.

What should I do now? My skin looks a little better after Ari applied that ointment to it but it is still gruesome to look at. Perhaps I had cut deeper than I first intended. It is no great loss to me though; I was never beautiful to begin with.

I meander slowly down the halls hoping perhaps, to see the monk on his way back from somewhere. I do not though. It is most strange; how he managed to simply disappear. He would not be avoiding me would he?

It is hot indoors. The weather is warm and the gown I am wearing stifling. I have not been outside in weeks. It will be pleasant to walk a little or so.

I choose a path that few others walk. The marks on my face do not bother me but I do not wish to have others stare at me.

The path stretches on into the woods. It is a beautiful day. Light is filtered through the leaves and falls as soft green shadows onto my feet. The air is thick and sweet from the moss and grass on the ground. It is still warm, but sheltered by the trees I can feel a slight breeze. I laugh. It sounds as though I am a poet.

I have never understood poets. They put into words what everyone else can already see with their own eyes. In the most usual cases, once seen it is understood better. Poems are written in often so complex a manner that people must read it all day in order to discover its true meaning. Perhaps, if it was somewhere that only you had been and you wanted to describe it to another it would help. But again! A mere description would suffice, not a lengthy rhyming speech!

There is nothing more for me to do. A tree has fallen across my path and I sit on it. It is most probably going to stain my dress but I do not care. I am suddenly exhausted and slowly I lie down. The moss of the tree is soft and damp. Moisture sucks at my skin but that does not bother me as it would others. It feels nice against my wounds.

Kikyo still hasn't died. Why is it so hard to do away with just one person? It took nothing with the others. One attempt and they were gone. Even the first person I killed. I had no idea what I was doing. It was my first, and I had succeeded. But with my sister, I am so much more skilled now! Why is it so impossible?

With one hand I pat the tree. Gently, gently, in one steady tune. It soothes me a little but no more than possible.

While my hands are steady my heart is an excited mess. It is like there is a bird trapped beneath my ribs trying desperately to get out. I can feel its wings fluttering madly every time I place my hands on my chest. I can feel the sharp stab of pain as it pecks wildly at nothing. And all because of Kikyo.

If Kikyo had never been born then I could have been Queen. I could have been the one that Kouga was going to marry. I could have had it all. My life would have been perfect.

Perhaps then, I would be the one that everyone called beautiful even if I was hideous. I could have been the one that all others aspired to be like. My life would have been so wonderful that I would never have the time to be angry. I could merely sit beside my husband and rule Japan. I would never have had to take my anger out on anyone.

Maybe…I could have been normal. I could have been loved. Is that why I am like this? My parents never loved me. They had never really loved either of us but Kikyo was special. Every nanny that we had ever had favored Kikyo over me. Kouga loves Kikyo. The court loves Kikyo. The whole kingdom loves Kikyo! The whole world! She doesn't only stay in Japan. Why must she also help in the ruling of India? Why must she be known almost everywhere?

I sit up straight and stare ahead. Why couldn't it have been me? What did I ever do to deserve this life? Other people tell me I am so lucky. I am rich and live in a beautiful home. I have a husband who does not drink and has no heard of mistresses. I do not have the strain of ruling a Kingdom, but I get the wealth that comes with it. But the people who say these things do not understand. The people who say these things have never had to stand in their own sister's shadow. They do not understand a thing of what it is like! To always be compared to someone you should love. To have to grow up hearing 'Your sister wouldn't have done that.' They have no idea how hard it is!

Shakespeare once said: Hell is empty and all the devils are here. It is true. Every person has a devil inside them. Even the sweetest, most innocent soul has a tiny core of evil. It is human nature to be selfish, to be stubborn. We are all cruel creatures. We kill other things for sport and laugh when others are hurt. In this world, if you do not take care of yourself no one else will. You cannot trust people. They will not stay with you. As much as we try we will always be disloyal. If you think long and hard before you die, you will know that at least once you have been betrayed.

I wonder why I am so eager to be with Kouga. I just said that you should never trust anyone else in the world. But with Kouga? Could I trust him? I do not know. I wish that I could. I at least, could try to. I could make myself trust him. After all, Albert would never turn around and harm me. He has never shown me anything other than kindness ever since he first came here from the Eastern Lands.

My life has been ruined. But not by Kouga. I cannot blame him for things like this. In fact there is only one person who I can blame for all of this. And that is Kikyo.

Inuyasha's POV:

What have I done?! A sudden overflow of guilt washes over me and I edge closer to Brother Miroku's body. I did not mean to do that! I only set out to frighten him a little.

But the way he spoke to me! Like he knew all my trouble and was telling me that it was my fault they were like this! He was acting like he understood. He told me almost blatantly that he knew my wife better than I did!

Yes that was it; I did not kill the man. He brought it on himself. You could almost call it suicide. You cannot insult a man like that and expect nothing to come of it! I have my pride to think of! Yes, if they find out it was me and take me to court I can say that. I can even twist it a little to make it sound better. Yes!

Brother Miroku was the one who called me to this small inconspicuous room. I came in innocently wondering what he wanted. Once I arrived in I knew something was wrong. There was something in the monk's eyes. Something frightening. He sneered at me and told me that I did not understand Kagome well enough. That I did not deserve her.

In a cool and calm tone I asked what he meant. He laughed and told me that she would never love me. Brother Miroku then added that he was much better suited to her. He told me of different events that occurred between him and my wife.

I drew myself up to my full height and informed him that I believed in the loyalty of my wife. The monk laughed once more and told me that I was naïve. In sharp tones I told the man to be quiet or I would take his head for dirtying the name of my wife in such a manner. He was annoyed and withdrew a weapon from his robes. With unknown power he stepped forward and attempted to do away with me. Due to a pure fluke of luck I managed to catch his wrist and twist his hand back accidentally stabbing his throat. He stumbled back and fell to the ground. The knife flipped up and fell back down blade pointing below. It hit his forehead shattering his skull. In my horror I could only stand and stare for a few moments in silence.

Yes! Perfect! And, being dead, the only other witness, Brother Miroku, cannot contradict my statement. Wait, no! There is enough gossip about Kagome already! People will be more than ready to believe that she had an affair with the monk. They are already suspicious enough because she spends so much of her time with him!

Oh, what else could I do?! I need a perfect plan. One that makes Brother Miroku out to be a wicked man and myself a hero.

Perhaps, I found Brother Miroku by chance in this room. He thought that, because it was discreet enough he could do wicked deeds in here. Like mixing a poison for his latest plot!

I walked in and bravely ordered him to stop. He turned and dared me to force him not to. I did not want to resort to violence so again I coldly told him to stop these evil doings he was so intent on carrying out.

He laughed at me and told me that I must stay silent or he would do it for me. Still, I stood my ground and, for the good of the country, demanded that he come with me to turn himself in. We could not trust him enough not to do it again. Brother Miroku still refused to come with me and I was forced to raise my voice. And so…

He was annoyed and withdrew a weapon from his robes. With unknown power he stepped forward and attempted to do away with me. Due to a pure fluke of luck I managed to catch his wrist and twist his hand back accidentally stabbing his throat. He stumbled back and fell to the ground. The knife flipped up and fell back down blade pointing below. It hit his forehead shattering his skull. In my horror I could only stand and stare for a few moments in silence.

Wonderful! This is also useful because I can use this to prove how he manipulated Kagome into following him in his dreaded and awful path. With her in her delicate state as well, I can speak of how her spirit is now shattered thanks to his awfulness. So, put in this perspective, Brother Miroku did not even deserve death. He needed so much more than that.

The doorknob on the door into the room creaks and begins to turn. In terror I scuttle to the corner and hide in the dark. Once there I mentally berate myself. It would be so much easier to defend myself if I stayed confidently in the open.

The door opens and I see Kagome. I see her horror. Without stopping myself, I step towards her my hand out stretched.

My face is blank with fear at what I have just done. Kagome stares at me, her mouth slightly open.

"Kagome," I whisper, my mouth dry. "Kagome."

Kagome's POV:

I get off my tree and stand up. This is all thanks to Kikyo. She has to die now! I know that Brother Miroku would not choose to climb stairs unless a knife was pressed to his neck. I will search every room that is on the same floor as the art room and his bedchambers. I will be sure to find him that way!

I go into the palace and start at one end, which happens to be the art room itself. He is still not back and I sigh in annoyance. I was hoping that he had returned. It would have made my life much easier.

I march down the hall throwing back each door. I hear many cries of frustration as I interrupt the occupants of each room but I ignore them. I am dealing with much more important things right now.

Why is this hallway so long? Why did the man who designed the palace hate me so much? About halfway down the hallway I stop. There is a funny smell in the air. An all too familiar smell.

It is subtle but sharp at the same time. It burns my nose with its acidic scent but is also curiously sweet. It is the smell of blood. A smell that I know all too well.

I find the room that it seems to be emanating from and place my hand on the door handle. I can hear noises from inside. Hurried, nervous noises of someone moving in panic. I slowly turn the handle and they stop.

Gently I push forward and enter the room. The scent of blood is chokingly strong and I have to stand still for a moment. Looking at the dark puddles on the ground I know that I am right. But who has been bleeding so much? And, judging by the amount, for so long.

I look further into the darkness and inhale quickly when I see the body. I do not need to inspect it to know that it is Brother Miroku. His twisted form is clearly obvious and I recognize his monk's robes.

I cannot do much more than stare in silence. No wonder I was unable to find him. He was in here the whole time. Being killed. Guilt slowly fills me followed by anger. Who could do this to him?! He was my only ally! Why would someone go and kill him? I needed him! He can't be dead! Not now! He can die afterwards! But I need him for this! I cannot do it alone!

I want to cry but I am unable to. There is something inside me, stopping me. I think it is the shock. I can feel the tears in my throat but they refuse to rise any further. I am sorry Brother Miroku. Like with Sango, I am sorry.

"Kagome," I hear a voice and see Inuyasha step out of a corner. There is blood down the front of his tunic and his face holds no expression. It is cold. It is heartless. "Kagome," he says again. Even his voice is crueler. It was Inuyasha wasn't it? He was the one who murdered my only friend. Why?!

He keeps walking forward and I stand still for as long as I can bear it. He comes even closer and reaches out a hand to touch me. But before he can I jump back.

He stumbles forward again but I cannot bear it. I turn back. I go through the open door. I look down the hallway. The hallway that was so long but now doesn't seem long enough. And I run. I can hear the silence of Inuyasha. It is even louder than the sound of my feet hitting the ground. I do not turn back. I could never make myself turn back.

Inuyasha POV:

Kagome. Kagome,wait. Kagome.

Please…

**A/N: Well isn't that just lovely? I think I shall try to finish this story by this weekend. Until next time…**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	17. Chapter 17: Insanity

Chapter 17: Insanity

**A/N: Ok, so I personally, as the author, really like this chapter. I think it is one of my best written ones and…. I don't know! I hope you like it too!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

Why? Why is it that when my life is lying in shards on the floor everyone else's is fine? Why hasn't the world ended? Why are some people still smiling and laughing? Why does nobody care?

Where am I? It is dark. Dark and dry. How strange. Usually, it would be damp. Would it not? Why would it be damp? Dark does not mean damp. Or maybe it does. Where am I?

Light is coming. Light! Oh good light come closer! Come and light my dark world. Show me happiness and let me laugh.

No! Light, do not leave me! Oh, come back come back light! Please! It is dark here. I am trapped in this dark place and I am scared. Where can I go? There is no way to see. I am lost. Where is everybody? Where?! Help me! Can't you see something is wrong?!

Kouga! Kouga, why are you just standing there? Kouga, come to me! Help me up! I have fallen, Albert please. No! No! Do not walk away! Kouga, come back! I need you Kouga.

When did I fall? I am on the ground. Why? Oh, my head hurts. My head hurts! I am so hot. It is too hot in here. Cool it down. Someone cool it down please!

I cannot breathe. Something is holding my chest. Get rid of it. It is killing me! It is pushing down and it hurts! It hurts so much I cannot breathe, I cannot scream. Why is nobody helping me?!

My cheek! Now my cheek. It is burning. Why my cheek? What now.

There is another slap and my eyes fly open. A doctor stands above me with worried eyes.

"Lady Kagome? Lady Kagome, are you alright?" I lie still. What does he mean? How can I be alright?

"It hurts."

"Where does it hurt?" There is silence. "Kagome you must tell me so that I can help you."

"Here."

"Where is here?"

"Here."

"Lady Kagome, cooperate please. If you tell me then I will stop it hurting."

"But it hurts here."

"Where is here?" I can hear the annoyance in his tone but don't move.

"Everywhere."

"You cannot hurt everywhere Kagome. There must be somewhere in particular."

"It's because he didn't help me."

"Who did not help you?"

"Him, he was supposed to and he didn't."

"Who is him?"

"It hurts."

"Lady Kagome will you please tell me something so I can help you?!"

"Go away."

"No My Lady! You are not yourself. You need help."

"Go away."

Inuyasha comes in. He looks anxious.

"Is she alright?" The doctor sighs heavily.

"She is refusing to tell me anything that makes sense. It seems that the collapse has damaged her mind." I find that absurdly funny and the two look at me as I begin to laugh.

"You cannot damage something that was never fixed!" I cry and the doctor looks back at Inuyasha.

"To be honest My Lord, that is the most sensible thing I have heard this whole time." Inuyasha comes and sits beside me.

"Kagome? Are you all right?" I stop laughing abruptly.

"Go away."

"That is what she was telling me," says the doctor. "It is an odd turn of events. She is acting with the obstinacy of a young child. I would have guessed shock, but somehow… Do you know anything that happened recently that might have startled or worried her?"

I roll my head over and look at Inuyasha. It is funny. There is a small bead of sweat appearing on his brow. I watch it trickle down the side of his face. Why would he be so worried?

Ah yes, Brother Miroku. I frown and look away. I hate Inuyasha. He killed my last friend. It all comes back to me. No! I do not want to remember this! No, no, no!

I shut my eyes to try and block the memory but it does not help. Instead, it replays again and again. I see Brother Miroku's mutated body lying in a dark pool. I see Inuyasha stepping out of the shadows. I see Brother Miroku's mutated body lying in a dark pool. I see Inuyasha stepping out of the shadows. I see-

"NO!" Inuyasha and the doctor look at me, startled by my sudden cry. I twist from side to side, shrieking continually.

"Get her arm!" the doctor shouts and Inuyasha rushes to do so. I feel their fingers around my arms. No! Let me go! There are suddenly maids in here. When did they come? They are all holding sheets which they pile atop my body. I hear the doctor shouting orders and suddenly I cannot move. It calms me in a strange way and I look at the doctor from my nest of white.

"What is your name?" I ask pleasantly and he looks at me suspiciously.

"Doctor Furukawa Black, My Lady."

"That's a nice name. Mine is Kagome. I don't have a surname."

"I know your name Lady Kagome. Everyone does."

"My name is nice too isn't it?"

"It is a very nice name My Lady."

"Can I go now?"

"I am afraid not. We want to keep an eye on you for the time being."

"Why?"

"We are afraid your mind is not placed correctly at the moment."

"What if I told you it was alright?"

"It would not change anything."

"Why not? It is my mind. I know how it is doing better than anyone."

"I do not doubt it My Lady."

"My mind is fine. So can I go?"

"Not yet."

"But I told you I was fine."

"Thoughts Lady Irene. Do you know what thoughts are?"he asks. I smile. This game is fun.

"What are thoughts Doctor?"

"They are your mind talking to you."

"Do we listen to our thoughts?"

"Often we do not when we should and do when we should not."

"I'm different then."

"In what way My Lady?"

"I always listen to my thoughts. They do not have to be bad or good ones." The doctor's eyebrows meet in the middle. I had not noticed that before.

"Maybe that is why you are in this situation My Lady."

"Are you saying I should stop?"

"It might be a good choice."

"But the bad thoughts are the most fun."

"Do you have many bad thoughts?"

"Well we do not know what all bad thoughts are do we?"

"No, not all of them." I fight an arm out from the sheets and raise it above my head.

"My thoughts told me to do that. Is it a bad thought?"

"No, that is a fine thought."

"But it might be bad. What if someone was attacking the palace? They had an infiltrator and the signal was to raise your arm from a position in a bed. The ones waiting for the signal only knew the side of the building the signal would come from and not the exact window. So, they positioned a whole army hidden in the bushes to watch each window and wait for the signal. The palace guards had already caught the infiltrator, tortured all the information out of him and had locked him up. They thought they were safe and were about to go and capture the army but I raised my hand. The hidden army mistook it for a signal and stormed the palace. The guards were preparing themselves and because of that were, of course, not yet prepared. Kikyo and Kouga were killed, the kingdom was taken over and the entire country of Japan was ruined. All because I raised my arm like so."

"That is highly unrealistic Lady Kagome."

"But still possible."

"Yes, possible but very unlikely." I push all the sheets off of me and stand up.

"My thoughts told me to do that. Is it a bad thought?"

"No, but it might hurt you. It could be a dangerous thought."

"Have you ever had dangerous thoughts Doctor?"

"Yes, but I have learnt to ignore them."

"Have you ever listened to even _one_?" The doctor chuckles slightly.

"Yes, once when I was young." I lean forward.

"What happened?"

"Well, there was this man who lived beside my family. My friends and I hated him and once decided to throw a rock at his window. That was I think the last dangerous thought I listened to." I look at him for a long time before lying back down.

"Is that it?"

"Have you had more dangerous thoughts My Lady?"

"Oh yes! I've had fun thoughts. Yours is boring." I watch and frown at the mild amusement in the doctor's eyes. He is only humoring me. This frustrates me and this time I get all the way out of bed and stand.

"Sit down Kagome!" This is Inuyasha grabbing my arm trying to force me back down. The doctor laughs again and looks at Inuyasha.

"She is anything but herself but I think that she is harmless. Probably more so than before she fainted. If we take her back to her chambers I will talk to you about it.

The doctor bids the maids to help me to my room and he and Inuyasha walk behind. The maid's get me into my bed and leave. Inuyasha and Doctor Furukawa step outside into the hallway to talk. Immediately, I get out of my bed and listen at the door. I want to know what is wrong with me too.

"-seems to have reverted to a child-like state." I hear. Inuyasha carries on.

"How can you tell?"

"It is obvious My Lord. The way she talks is similar to that of a young girl. The fixation on thoughts. Talking about something an adult would have dismissed much sooner in the conversation. Did you not notice?"

"Well, I suppose so. But, what could have made her like that?"

"A shock most definitely."

"Why are you so certain that it has been caused by a shock?" I wonder if the doctor can hear the slight tremor in Inuyasha's voice.

"Because it would have to be something terrible enough that her mind wanted to dispel it from her memory. Subconsciously, Lady Kagome tried to save herself by becoming a child again."

"Will it last long?"

"I do not know. This is the first time I have ever seen anybody like this. She may get over it in a few weeks, a few months. It is possible that years from now she will suddenly revert back to her old self! Or she will be like this the rest of her life. It depends on how long her mind thinks she needs to calm herself." Inuyasha sighs.

"So, the normal Kagome may never come back."

"Possibly. Is that alright?" Inuyasha laughs a very false laugh.

"Of course it is! She might be easier to look after now!" The doctor laughs along with him and both give their farewells. I realize that Inuyasha is coming and run for my bed. I am not fast enough and Inuyasha shakes his head at me.

"You shouldn't have listened."

"Does it matter?" I snap back at him.

"It was a private conversation."

"Everyone's conversation is a private one. Just some are made less so. It is not my fault you spoke so loudly."

"It is not your fault that you listened at the door."

"Does it bother you? It was about me."

"What happened to little child Kagome? You are acting completely normal."

"I was always normal."

"Were you just playing games then?" We glare at each for a while but I soon bore of that.

"Why did you kill Brother Miroku?"

"Does it matter?"

"Don't mock me. It matters more than eavesdropping."

"He was influencing you. He had to go for your safety."

"You killed my last friend to _help _me?"

"I know what you have been doing."

"And what is that?"

"All the murders. It was you wasn't it?"

"If it wasn't you who just killed an innocent man."

"But it was you."

"Does it matter?"

"Kagome, Brother Miroku did wrong. He didn't deserve to live."

"Get out Inuyasha." He gets up angrily and walks out, closing the door quietly. This infuriates me even more. It means that he still thinks I am ill and want to treat me gently. I am not ill!

As much as I think about this it does make sense if I think like Inuyasha. He is a very traditional man who still believes that women are weak creatures, incapable of doing things like this. So, he felt he had to blame someone. Brother Miroku just happened to be the best person for the job.

And, if I think about it even more all these things still have Kikyo as a cause. Even if she is displaced through several other people and things she is still the main one.

So, because I wanted to kill Kikyo, Chastity and I went together; a guard killed Chastity. Kikyo is to blame for Sango's death. Because Sango died Inuyasha figured out that I was the other murderer. He decided that it was Brother Miroku's fault and went to kill him. Ultimately, that makes the death of the monk my sister's fault as well. In fact, spread out like this, Kikyo is as much as a murderer as I am! Does she realize how many deaths she has caused merely by being alive? Of course she would not! That woman has no heart. She does not deserve to live!

In that perspective, I would be doing the world a favor if she were to die. It is one of those necessary things I must do as my duty as princess!

I pick up my knife from my dresser draw and look at it. I smile and put it back. Kikyo's death must be more impressive than that. I shall use our father's old sword. The one he kept polished and above the fireplace. He had never told us what it was for and we suspected that it was just for show. Well, now it will be put to good use. There will be nothing better for that sword than giving it the honor of saving the country.

I walk out of my room. It does not matter if I get caught this time. As long as Kikyo dies it does not matter what happens to me. Everything that I had ever lived for is gone now. I do not need to keep myself alive any longer.

Because that is what life is. We are merely trying to keep ourselves alive for as long as possible. Everyone is afraid of death. So no one wants to give up their grip on life. There is one thing that must happen to us to make us loosen our grip. So, many people die fighting. The people that never got to do it. The people that never got to the main of their life.

For me, it is killing Kikyo. It is what has taken up most of my life. Once I have done that, I think that anything could happen to me and I would be alright. But, my sister does need to die. It is that one thing that I have to do.

I leave my room and head down to my father's office. I do not think that anyone has been there since his death so the sword should still be there.

On the way I meet Inuyasha again.

"What are you doing Kagome? You are supposed to be resting."

"I got bored of that. I am taking a walk."

"You are taking a walk inside."

"Does it matter?"

"You need to stop saying that Kagome. It is getting frustrating."

"You were frustrating me before you even began talking so we seem to be even." I move to walk past him but he takes hold of my arm. I turn back and his eyes are anxious.

"Please go back Kagome. I really don't want you to get hurt again." I pull back from him freeing myself.

"Why are you worrying about me? You never did it this much before."

"Things were not as bad as they were before Kagome. We have been digging a hole all this time. We should have stopped earlier because now it is too deep to climb out of. Kagome, why can you not just sit at the bottom of this hole? Why do you keep trying to climb out?" I step away from him. I am sick of this hole analogy that everyone stubbornly insists on using.

"Because life is too short to spend it waiting for something that will not happen. I need to know that I am doing something with it. I cannot just give up." Inuyasha looks at me sadly but lets me go completely. Why is he being so strange? He goes from being angry at me to begging me to stop in but a few seconds. Why is it, now that he knows I am the murderer, he is even more protective than usual. An ordinary person would have avoided me. But then again, it was Inuyasha who married me, he is not ordinary.

There is Father's office. I open it and walk in. I was right. It does not look like anyone has entered it in a long time. There is a thick layer of dust over everything. And there, over the fireplace, is his sword. Even tarnished and dirty it still has a quite air of dignity. The perfect thing to utilize in the death of a Queen.

I cannot reach and have to take the chair from the desk to stand on. I climb up and take the sword from the mantel piece. It is heavier than I expected and I stagger a little under its weight.

It is a beautiful thing. The sheath is made of golden leaf and the hilt is carved with swirls and patterns. I pull it out and feel the edge of the blade. It has blunted with age but is still sharp enough to do damage. I slide my fingertip down and watch my blood smear against the clouded steel.

Unconsciously, I feel myself smile and I put my finger in my mouth. It tastes rusty and dirty at first but then as new blood flows it is merely warm and sweet. I take this as foreshadowing and pull the sword down. With it in my hands I stand and laugh aloud.

This is where the fun truly starts.

**A/N: Ahhhh, I think this chapter is rather cool if I do say so myself… Please please pleeeaaaase review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	18. Chapter 18: Die

Chapter 18: Die

**A/N: Second to last chapter! So close until those of you who care can find out how my story ends! Enjoy…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

I wait in the shadows of the door until there is no one in the hallway and only then do I make my way to Kikyo's rooms. I had decided to not wear a disguise, but I cannot be caught before I have done what I set out to do!

The journey to her room is fairly dangerous as different maids walk in and out of the rooms, cleaning. A procession of them start down to one of the rooms and hurriedly, I run into the one nearest to me.

Unfortunately, it is not empty and there is a confused looking maid in the middle of dusting looking at me and then to my sword. I hold it up to show her and attempt to look as casual as possible.

"Isn't it handsome?" I ask, trying to mask the quiver in my voice. The maid nods slowly, her eyes never leaving the weapon.

"It was my father's you know. It always hung in his office." She nods again.

"I-I cleaned it once My Lady."

"Did you? Then you know even more than I do what a fine weapon it is. I am sure that you are wondering why I am carrying it around aren't you." The girl shakes her head violently.

"Not at all My Lady! I would never question what you do!" I smile at her.

"You have been brought up well girl. I shall tell you though. I miss my father you see. This is one of the things that I remember most about him." The maid opens her mouth but quickly shuts it again.

"If you are wondering why I only remember this when he died only recently I shall tell you. I did not see him often as I grew older. Most of my memories are from as a young child, when I saw him more frequently. He never told me nor my sister what this sword was used for despite the countless amount of times we asked him. So, I just wanted to get someone to clean it perhaps. Father would have hated for it to be this dirty." I am proud of this explanation but then remember that she must be wondering why I enter this room all of a sudden. "You wouldn't know where they clean weapons and such things would you?" The maid shakes her head but opens her mouth and speaks in a tiny voice.

"The butler might know My Lady." I smile again and thank her. Hopefully, this story will spread quickly and I will have fewer questions on why I am carrying such an ungainly weapon around with me.

I step out and silently sigh in relief. The hallway is clear again and I can continue on my way.

I first stop at my rooms and put on a dress with tighter sleeves. The one I was wearing before would not work. The sleeves draped to the floor and would get in the way of the sword. I cannot afford to make any mistakes at the moment.

I hold the sword behind me and step in to Kikyo's chambers. She is in there sewing with the most of her ladies-in-waiting. This is not ideal but, as I said before, I am not going to be picky this time. I am past caring what happens to me now. But still, I carefully hide the blade within the folds of my gown.

"Sister? What is it?" Just by looking I can tell that Kikyo is bothered by my appearance. She has not seen me in days and that has suited both of us well. "I heard that you had collapsed. Are you alright?" This is wonderful. She is pretending to be kind and sisterly to me. I can see the contempt in her eyes though. It is all just a lie. But, Kikyo doing this, will make killing her so much more enjoyable. In fact, should I not get all I can out of this? It would not hurt to, before killing Kikyo, let her know the truth. The absolute truth.

"Kikyo," I begin. She looks at me and nods to go on. "You know that I hate you don't you?"

She looks at me, her face a mask of false sadness. "You hate me sis-" I cut her off.

"Do not pretend Kikyo. You know that I have always despised you, detested you, loathed you. And you have always felt the same to me have you not?"

"Kagome what are you saying? Is this how sisters must speak to each other?"

"We have never been sisters! You need love to be sisters. There has never been any love between the two of us."

"Sister, what are you saying? We were born of the same parents; love has nothing to do with that." I laugh almost hysterically.

"Kikyo how can you sit there and tell me that we are sisters? I am sure that any lady-in-waiting with a sister in here can tell you how much they love her. Whether older or younger, whether close or distanced. They can pretend that they hate each other but deep down, there will be a core of love. Between the two of us, there is none of that. If you were to be honest you would say the same would you not?" Kikyo's eyes are narrow with anger.

"Honestly Kagome, please, will you leave? I do not know what is wrong with you but go and rest."

"That is another thing that I hate! You refuse to face the truth. You pretend that your life is perfect. That nothing is wrong. You do not take care of the bad things. You lock them away and decide they do not exist. That is what you did with me. But just because you pretend something is gone does not mean that it actually is. You've spent your whole life telling yourself that I have as little as possible to do with you. But KIkyo I do! However much you hate it I am still here! When will you accept me and just hate me like I you?"

"Do you want me to hate you sister?"

"I think that I do. It would be better than what you have been doing since we were young. If hatred is the only way to get you to properly listen to me than I think that you really should." Kikyo stands up and looks at me. I tighten my grip on the sword behind my back and thank fashion for the trend of usefully large skirts.

"Perhaps we should go to a different room to talk Kagome. I think it would be better if you calmed down. Ladies, I take my leave." The ladies-in-waiting stand and curtsey, all of them looking at me strangely. I curtsey back and attempt to smile at them.

"I am sorry to interrupt your time. Please do not mind me, I am but a little tired and therefore aggravated." The women curtsey again and sit back down. I know that that will not clear my name but hopefully it will help, even a little. But what does it matter? I shall be gone soon

We reach an empty room and Kikyo turns to look at me. All previous traces of kindness are gone. Her eyes are mere slits and her nostrils are flared with fury.

"Kagome! How could you do such a thing?! To humiliate me and yourself in such a manner?"

"I wanted you to know the truth."

"Did you have to tell it to me in such a manner though?" I stand still and watch her pace the room in silence. It is not long before she speaks again.

"Sometimes, Kagome, I think I do hate you! I try not to because you are my sister but when you do foolish things like today I cannot help it!"

"Did you not hear me Kikyo? That is what I want. I want your hatred. I want anything but forced love from you."

"But why Kagome?! Why would you want ill feelings from your own sister of all people? I know that you dislike me but you always have. You hate me with no reason whatsoever! Whatever I try to do does not help. And now you blame me because I do not hate you back? There is no sense in that Kagome!"

"I want you to hate me because… it makes it easier."

"In what way Kagome? It makes it easier to blame me for everything?"

"I think so."

"You think so?" Kikyo laughs, a short, quick bark of laughter. "How can you think so? That is not an answer Kagome! You hate me and you are not even sure why! Is it because I was born first? Is it because I am Queen? Is it because people love me more? You do not know do you? How is the loathing you hold in your heart justified? Tell me what I have done to deserve any of it! Tell me Kagome! I am eager to know." After a silence I begin to talk, slowly.

"At first… it was because of all that. Because you were there first and was loved more than me. Because all I ever got was what you no longer needed. And that you did not care enough to try and help me. Remember…when we used to be friends? Remember, when we used to maybe even love each other. But then Kikyo… you suddenly changed. You grew up too quickly for me. But you know that." KIkyo nods her head.

"But what you do not know is… the number of years I waited for you to turn back to your old self. You never did though. So, I began to hate you for that. For leaving me alone, for-"I am broken off by Kikyo's impatient sigh.

"That is what all of this is about? You resent me for growing up without you? Kagome, I am older than you, of course I would grow up first. This is ridiculous! Is this really the only reason?" I glare at her.

"It wasn't because you grew up. It was because you left me behind. I was lost in the dust left in your wake. And you never bothered to come back to me. All the years that I waited for you, throughout those years I began to hate. I began to see all the bad that I was blind to before. Then, all the small things started to irritate me. It was like pouring dirt into a wound. It begins to grow and fester. My hatred for you grew more and more." I am interrupted once more.

"This has nothing to do with me Kagome! And I thought that you might actually have a good reason for this!"

"No Kikyo, it is still all because you. You had years to step back and fix things between the two of us. You never bothered to though. That is why I feel so much more strongly about it."

"Then sister, why is it so necessary for me to hate you as well?"

"It is not, but I wanted to hear the truth before I do it."

"Do what?" I withdraw the sword from behind my back. I am impressed that she never noticed it.

Kikyo looks at it with a surprisingly calm expression. She walks to the wall and pulls at one of the bell pulls.

"The guards are on their way Kagome. You won't be able to do this."

"I do not care what happens to me after this."

"You will also die."

"At least it will be after you."

"You are throwing the country into chaos."

"Do you really think I care?"

"You cannot kill me."

"Then tell me what I am doing right now."

I hold the sword in front of me and push forwards. Kikyo throws herself to one side and, barely, I miss. I turn back around to look her. This time she is looking more alarmed.

She lifts one shaking hand to her neck and pales when she sees the blood staining her fingers. It is not a deep cut, merely a scratch. She knows now though, that I am serious.

Our eyes meet and I lift the sword once more. This time it is leveled at her chest. At her heart. The heart that loved Kouga. The heart that kept this person alive. The heart that is still beating now.

But my thoughts have wasted time; the door opens and guards burst in. All I hear is silence. I stare at my sister and she looks back at me. The sword is wrenched from my grip and two more guards appear either side of me. But still, the gaze between Kikyo and I is not broken.

To my surprise I see one tear on Kikyo's cheek. She does not brush it away and lets it fall. She is not dead. I am being held back. Am I to be killed? I cannot be though. Kikyo is not dead. I realize suddenly, that Kikyo is talking to me.

"I do hate you Kagome. I have always hated you. When were very young you followed me everywhere and when I left was angry because of it. It was always my fault whenever anything wrong happened. Did you ever wonder Kagome, why I stopped playing with you? Did you ever even consider… that it isn't always because of me?" It is I who breaks the eye contact. Without meaning to, my gaze lowers to the floor. I feel myself being pulled out of the door but my feet don't work and I end up being dragged.

"Don't let others see us. We can't let this be known until we know what to do." The head guard is talking.

"What should we do with her?"

"Let's take her to the Prince. He will know best." I am suddenly tired. I do not even register what they mean by Prince.

I do not take note of where I am and all of a sudden we are in a room. I look up and meet Kouga's eyes. They are expressionless and his face is stony.

"What is wrong?"

"Your Majesty, she tried to assassinate the Queen." Kouga remains seated in silence and the guard takes that as an invitation to continue.

"We found her in her room with a sword pointed at Queen Kikyo. Her Majesty was bleeding already."

"Is my wife alright?"

"She is fine. It was nothing more than a scratch."

"Kagome. What were you doing?" I do not reply and keep my eyes lowered.

"Kagome, look at me!" Slowly, so slowly I raise my head and look at him.

"Why did you do it?" Kouga's voice is quiet but it is not kind.

"I had to." That is all I say, it is all I have to offer.

"You tried to killl my wife." It is a statement not a question which means that I cannot avoid it.

"Yes." The head guard speaks again. "What should we do Your Majesty? The penalty for assassination of a monarch is death, but…" He leaves the sentence unfinished.

"If we execute her it will be known about. We cannot have that." I can feel Kouga's gaze on my head. "Besides, she does not deserve such kind treatment."

"Your Majesty?"

"To attempt to kill her own sister. That is a unspeakable crime. Death would be too good for her."

"Then, what is it we must do?"

"We cannot just let her go. The deed is too great for that."

"Then, what do you suggest?"

"Are the dungeons still in use?"

"Yes… but nobody has been locked in one for years."

"Then, send her there." This time I lift my head and I actually speak.

"Kouga! Please."

"What Irene? You think that I cannot do this?"

"Do you not care about me? We were friends. You married my sister!" My voice lowers and I dare not look at his face. "What about- what about when you kissed me?" I glance upwards and his eyes harden.

"A kiss between friends is nothing more than that Irene. I was enjoying our time together and it was nothing more than that."

"We were just friends?" My voice is unexpectedly calm.

"Well Kagome, we were up until you tried to kill my wife."

"It was only moments ago! That is the strength of our friendship? It has disappeared just like that? Gone so easily? "

"You should have thought further ahead than the tip of your sword."

"I did. And you will not listen to why I did that?"

"Enlighten me then Kagome."

"It was because I loved you Kouga. I wanted it to be me by your side rather than Kikyo."

"And so you thought that murdering Kikyo would solve it all?" I look away. I have to tell the truth.

"Yes, yes I did."

"Then you are unbelievably stupid."

"I know."

"So why did you do it?"

"Because nothing was making sense anymore. It wasn't just because of you."

"Explain what you mean."

"I had wanted to do it for such a long time. Then, my life began to fall apart. The only thing that I knew that was still there was Kikyo. The only steady emotion I had was that of revenge. The main reason that I really did that is because I thought that if I killed her maybe life would sort itself out for me."

"And did it?" I laugh at his question. My cackle is almost maniacal. The shock of what happened is wearing off.

"Did it look like it worked?! Kouga, tell me, do you really think it worked. The man that I loved is ordering me to be thrown in a prison. The person I wanted to kill is still strong and healthy. But think about it. Has anything _ever _worked?" Kouga looks at me and sighs sadly.

"I do not think that I can help you Kagome. I wish that could."

"Do you Kouga? Do you really? I don't think you care! Nobody has cared in this world. I should have known that this would happen! Ever since I was born I was destined for this was I not? I really should have guessed. And then maybe I should have just locked myself up! I could have saved everyone a lot of trouble couldn't I?"

"Kagome calm down. Guards, take her and lock her away."

"Yes Your Majesty. And then?"

"Never tell anyone what happened. Let people make their own assumptions. We cannot soil the royal name like this."

I smirk. "Forgive me Your Majesty. I had not thought that I might ruin your precious reputation. Do accept my apology." This time Kouga stands up, his face thunderous.

"I am done Kagome! I did not tell anyone about anything you had done before! I had thought that, perhaps you could change. I never gave up hope for you! Is this how you repay my belief in you?" I laugh at him.

"It obviously wasn't a deep enough belief Kouga. It hasn't taken that long for it all to disappear."

"That is hugely unreasonable Kagome." I look away and let the guards take me. Before we leave the room though I turn and look once more to my old love.

"You can get rid of me Kouga. But you will never be able to forget me. You will always remember the woman who would have killed her sister. Would have done anything, merely to be by your side." His face is serious.

"Would you still?" I smile and shake my head.

"I don't think I would. This other Kouga. I do not like him nearly as much."

**A/N: Next chapter: The End. *drum roll* Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Please please please review!**

**-DarkAsTheNightSky**


	19. Chapter 19: The End

Chapter 19: The End

**A/N: And here it is… The very end of my story. To those of you who have, thank you so much for sticking with me. I hope that you enjoyed all that you have read and will continue to read other stories that I have written. As I have said before, please go to my page and read my other tale, The Magpie's Broken Wing. Anyway, enough of my babbling, on with The End.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha**

How many years have I spent in here? I do not know. I lost count so long ago. It is so easy in here. My cell is a simple cheerless place. I sit back in a corner and tell myself what it looks like. I pretend that I am out of here and that I am telling another of the awfulness of this place.

The walls are simple grey blocks; they are sharp and painful to lean against. I do sometimes though, because if it hurts I remain with the belief that I am not dead yet. There is no window so I never know if it is day or night. It is always cold in my cell. The stones are permanently chilled to the touch. Is it summer? Is it winter? Autumn? Spring? I never know.

If I wish to sleep there is a simple straw mattress which pokes at my back. At this point I imagine my companion gasping in horror. I imagine her exclaiming in sympathy at my experiences. It is terrible isn't it?

The meals. I do not even know what they are. Tasteless muck that I often leave to rot on its rusty tin plate. What a life. From a princess to a prisoner. This makes me laugh. I do deserve this though do I not? Thinking back, why did I do it all? Just for one man. What a foolish woman I was.

Sometimes, I wonder how old I am. I must be quite old by now. My hair is streaked with dusty grey and my hands have developed wrinkles. I was of twenty five years when they sent me here. Maybe not so old then. I think that this cell has aged me more than time.

I run a hand down one wall feeling the scratches that I had made when I first was put here. I was going to count my days. I think it was the third when I gave up. I just marked the wall to have something to do. To try and take up my time with useless tasks. To try and fool myself into thinking that, one day, I might actually leave here.

When I pretend I'm with my companion I also wonder what she would think of my appearance. My hair is so long now. If I stand it nearly reaches my ankles. It is a snarled and matted mess that my fingers cannot work their way through however hard they try. When I pull my hand out it is usually damp with grease. Oh, what a beautiful life I lead.

I wonder what people decided happened to me. Kouga and Kikyo would not say anything and I doubt the guards would as well. They probably think I am dead. Maybe they are celebrating. There is no more of the strange princess. The one who went insane. All I know is that now, everyone pretends I never existed. That is what the jail guard tells me anyway. How precious. I will never make it into the history books. The people of Japan probably rejoice.

Talking to the jail guard might be what has saved me all these years. He is a rude and filthy man but he is company. It amuses me. How low I have fallen. To want to have conversation with a man who enjoys starving me until I beg for food.

After I beg though, I wonder why. Once I see the meals he offers my appetite goes. The grey slop makes me long for the feasts that I oft ignored to spite my family. I was such a stupid woman. My entire life was stained with angry emotions. You realize these things after being locked in one room so long.

I laugh aloud and the jail guard scowls at me.

"What now?" he snaps, his mouth full. I shake my head.

"Nothing," I reply mildly.

"You know," he continues. "I heard that you was a raving lunatic and that I had to be careful in case you tried to off me. I ain't never seen you do more than scratch your fingernails off." I sigh and lean back against the uncomfortable walls.

"I guess I got bored."

"Well you don't act crazy." I snort.

"Not every crazy person screams and rips their hair out."

"So you're saying you is crazy."

"Would a crazy person tell you that?"

"Fair 'nuff." He eats silently for a few moments before continuing.

"So is you crazy or is you not?"

"I don't think so, but then again, nobody thinks they are crazy."

"Stop talking in circles woman and get to the point."

"I never thought that I was crazy, but I thought the world hated me. I was an angry person. Maybe I wasn't crazy, maybe I was just frustrated."

"And you thought killing people would solve that." I look at the ceiling.

"People noticed me more often." The guard looks at me thoughtfully.

"The way you talks. Its calm but there's something in there. Yep, you's crazy."

"I'm so glad that we've cleared that up."

"But you's a crazy person who's given up. You ain't so angry anymore."

"Years with only you and myself to talk to will do that."

"Ain't ever seen you yell." I smile and fiddle with some of the straw from my bed.

"I never really have shouted. I've done many things, but I rarely raised my voice." The jail guard stands up and brushes the crumbs from his clothes. He looks at me for a while before heading back to the door.

"See you tomorrow." He is enjoying this.

"Good bye."

I remain in my same position for a while thinking about what he said. That I am a crazy person who has given up. True. Very true. I don't have that much to say anymore. But still.

I know that the old me is still inside of my heart. I have just done well at keeping her hidden. I clench my fist, turn and punch the wall. That was something that she would have done. But it only causes pain. I close my other hand around it and hold my fist close. I do something that I hadn't done in years. I cry.

Not even when Kouga sent me down here did I shed a tear. Not even when I was so ill and realized that nobody cared what would happen to me. Not even when I thought I would die.

But now I let the bitterness in my heart take control and I cry. I fall asleep that way. I sleep better than I have in ages. I sleep as the tears still dry on my cheeks.

I am woken by sharp banging on the barred entrance to my cell. It is the jail guard.

"Get up," he says roughly and I comply. To my surprise he gets his keys out and unlocks my door.

"Why-" I begin.

"Someone's come for you." I walk out curiously. In the darkness I see the shape of a person. A man. He turns and the light of the torch falls across his face. Inuyasha.

"Kagome." He reaches forward and takes my hand. "Come on, we're going home." I do not speak and let him pull me towards the entrance. This is happening so quickly. Inuyasha turns around when I do not follow him any further.

"I was looking for you for years Kagome. Come on. I am not leaving you here." The jail guard comes up and looks at me.

"Hurry up; I need to lock it up again."

I look from him to Inuyasha, from Inuyasha to him, to Inuyasha.

"Oh and," the man continues. I look back and the guard grins. "Next time they send me a lunatic, tell them to make her more interesting." Slowly, I smile back and I walk out in front of Inuyasha.

There is a door in front of me. I reach out one hand. I can feel the door. I can feel the latch. I lift it.

The sun burns my eyes and I cannot see a thing from the brightness. My skin, pale from the cell stings at the warmth. But I stand still and keep my eyes open. I am outside. I am outside!

I do not look back at the cell and walk a few steps ahead of Inuyasha stumbling only a little. I can go on with my life now.

Because as Shakespeare said: The golden age is before us, not behind.

**A/N: The End. I'd say it's a fairly optimistic ending if you ask me. Anyway, tell me if you want an epilogue.**


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Ok, thank you all for reviewing! Before I post the last part of this story (I'm serious this time) let me answer some reviews.**

**HopelessRomantic183: Thank you so much for all the reviews you have given me throughout my story! I have really appreciated them. I am sorry that my previous ending disappointed you so much. I hope this epilogue makes up for it! ;) If you like what I write, please go and look at my profile page, I have another story I am writing.**

**Silvermist66: Thank you to you as well for your reviews. I did actually have a reason for making that Kagome's argument. You see, all of Kagome's hate for Kikyo was stemmed from the abandonment she had felt at the early age. All the rest that happened was merely icing on the cake. The leaving her behind was what had stayed with Kagome through all of that time. Anyway, enjoy my epilogue. And yes , it is much better for Kagome, not so much for Kikyo and Kouga!**

**Sarabear209: I am so glad that you enjoyed my story this much! Here is the epilogue, I hope you like it!**

**Rykere: I hope you have stayed with my story and persevered to the end. Did you think it got better as the story progressed? Did any of your questions get answered? Thank you for your review by the way, it helped me a lot with editing. **

**And now to all of my reviewers and those you have favourited and alerted me: THANK YOU! Please enjoy this final section of my story.**

**Wow, that was a long author's note. And now, here is my epilogue! **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha.**

**Epilogue**

It was simpler living outside of my prison than I had expected it to be. The cell had changed my appearance even more than I had imagined. Lack of sun had darkened my hair to a deep black and lightened my skin to a colour somewhat akin to milk. And then there was the scar that I had afflicted upon myself. Not many people had seen my disfigured face and as such I had taken to wearing a mask. Once I had cut shorter than its usual length I was unrecognizable as the princess I had once been.

After I had left the prison with Inuyasha I was amazed with what I saw of my sister. Kikyo had grown so much more…older. Her hair was beginning to streak with grey and her face was showing the wear of time. Her figure, which she had been known and admired for, had thickened. I would not have been able to recognize her had Inuyasha not pointed her out. It had almost pained me to see how much she had changed.

I had realized at that point how hard it must have been on her to be Queen. The weight of the kingdom had obviously been heavy and I could see the tire in my sister's eyes. IT had made me smile wider than ever. Over time, I quite forgot my failed murder attempt. I prided myself in allowing Kikyo the torture of ruling a country.

I was never able to meet her face to face again; if I did I would probably have been returned to my prison quicker than I could protest. But she did see me once. During a procession I went to watch her eyes found mine through my mask. That was when I saw it all.

I saw that I, if I had ever felt the urge, had tried to kill her once more it would have been a reward. For Kikyo was already dead. The people and the life she had once thought loved her had turned around and stabbed her in the heart.

There was another thing that also caused me delight. It was the change that had befallen Kouga. Over the years I had spent in my cell I had clutched at my love for him and had carefully turned it into hate. I forced myself to forget every kind word he had given me and instead focused on his expression when he sentenced me to my imprisonment. I recalled every frozen detail of his frown. Occasionally, I would pretend my tasteless food was his face and I would attack it viciously with my fork.

So when I was told of his fate I was unable to hold back my laughter, causing the teller to give me a strange look. For my dear Kouga had turned to drink! Kikyo had lived her life drifting away and becoming more distant until it had been too much for him. At first, as I was told by a palace maid, he began to drink more than usual as he supped. He would call to the servers for more and more wine until he collapsed onto his plate, nose reddened from alcohol.

And it continued. Soon, he was drinking multiple glasses at lunch and then he ordered wine to be served with his breakfast. Eventually, he was seen walking the hallways with a glass of some spirit. He was never seen without a drink.

"I think," the maid had said to me quietly. "That the drink made him feel less lonely. After that Princess Kagome vanished her Majesty Kikyo became more in depth with her work and Prince Kouga had no one to turn to. I think he drank because it was something to do."

Her last statements caused me to laugh even harder. I wondered if Kouga, as he began my sentence statement, realized how much he would need me afterwards. I, no matter how wild I had been, had also been his savior. I was the person he had gone to for relief when his own life got too difficult. By getting rid of me he had got rid of the one person he really needed. His new habits were proof of that.

Kikyo and Kouga did end up having more children. They had several. But each child was, if possible, even more unloved than I had been. They rarely saw their mother and if they did she was far too busy with the affairs to offer them more than a rushed smile. The man they were supposed to call their father had become a stumbling drunk, with red-rimmed eyes and continual glaze to his look.

I myself was speechless when I first saw him. He had changes so much that I could not believe he was the man I had once loved so dearly. What a fool I must have been.

When I had first been released from my prison the first thing I had wanted to do was run to the palace gates and laugh at its occupants. Inuyasha had not made any attempt to stop me and instead, followed me as I made my way, shakily, through the streets.

But I had reached the edge of the palace grounds and I had stopped. I stretched a hand out slowly and stroked the iron of the gate.

"It's not worth it, is it?" I had asked, leaning my head forehead.

"Probably not," Inuyasha replied. "You might very well waste all the years of hard work I had spent looking for you." I had turned to look at him suspiciously for he was being uncharacteristically kind and calm. But his face had betrayed nothing and I allowed him to lead me away.

But that was all many years ago, and as said by some wise soul there is no time like the present. I lie on my back in my garden and shade my face with a hand.

I enjoy doing small things like this. There are no maids to look at me disapprovingly for behaving in such and un-ladylike manner. I had not been expecting that when Inuyasha took me to my new home. It is completely new, not my old cottage, nor a mansion that had been previously owned by my sister. It is a small house located along the outskirts of Tokyo. Without me even asking Inuyasha had sent away the staff that came with the home and we were left to care for it ourselves. But I love my house; it allows me to feel like me.

Carefully, I split my fingers and allow the sunshine to spill onto my face. Squinting through the glare I picture two people above me. Sango and Miroku. They are talking and laughing together, hands clasped. They both turn slowly, look at me and smile. Their free hands move up and they each give me a wave. I allow myself to grin back but before I can return the wave a head blocks the sun, causing my two friends to vanish.

I prop myself up onto my elbow and hug the small child who seats herself beside me. Hair, the same faded brown that mine used to be blows in the breeze and I brush it gently off of her face. She looks up and her eyes smile at me. My daughter.

She is truly mine, not a baby that I found, but one that is made of my own blood. And there is no other child more perfect than she.

When she was born I allowed no one, not even Inuyasha, besides myself to hold her. She went everywhere with me and at night, slept with my arms still around her. I was determined that she would not grow up as I did. I wanted her to live knowing that she was special, that she was beautiful, and the she was loved.

It was because of that that I chose her name. I did not want it to be a name like Despair, that was a name I longed to banish with the rest of my past. Instead I named her Secret. Secret as in a small, secret smile that you offer to yourself every now and then. Secret as in a gentle touch from someone who loves just to let you know that you are alright. Secret, like the hug a mother gives a sleeping child.

And, much to my delight, she has become a cheerful young girl who smiles often and has eyes that crinkle in the loveliest of ways when she does. I admire her eyes now as we sit in the sun. They are the same peculiar colour that Inuyasha possesses and shine like two coins in the sun. In this light she looks almost an elf.

Another shadow arrives and Inuyasha seats himself at my other side.

"You're smiling," he comments, reaching forward to touch my head.

"Is that not allowed?" I ask, not bothering to hide the laughter in my voice.

"You never used to smile like that." He turns to me, his face happy and smug. I fall backwards once more, bringing Secret down with me.

"It's all gone!" I call up to the sky, up to Sango and Miroku.

"What is?" Inuyasha lies down beside the two of us. I place one hand over my heart.

"I used to feel like there was an iron bar in my chest. It was stopping my heart from beating, stopping me from living. These past few years have been slowly causing that bar to disintegrate little by little but today…today is the day that the last bit of it felt away." I take my hand from my chest and push it through my hair. "And now it is all gone."

Inuyasha took my hand in his and studied my fingers in mock interest. "Has it gone because of me?"

I sit up and frown at him. "Maybe."

He grins and begins to lean forward. I hate the thought of making my tale sound like a common novel. But this is a story that deserves this ending. This is a story… that ends with a kiss.

Yours Sincerely,

Kagome

**The End**


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